THROWBACK THURSDAY: #TimFest 2025

A year ago (late April, 2025) we threw a party to mark the 20th anniversary of my life-changing aortic aneurysm, or more accurately to celebrate the extra 20 years (so far) that I have had since the National Health Service (NHS) saved my life.

Here's the pictures - and text - I used to mark the occasion on the blog: 

Much to Rachel's surprise, it was actually my idea to host this event (I am, if you didn't already know, notoriously anti-social). I'd seen that 'new' Doctor Who was 20 years old this year and I realised that my brush with death had come several episodes into the regenerated show's first season.

Up until this year, I have been very nervous - almost superstitious - about even knowing we'd reached another anniversary and I never wanted to know the exact date or too many details of the circumstances (beyond the obvious facts that I had suffered a dissecting aortic aneurysm and then a stroke on the operating table).

But, this year, I finally accepted that two decades was far enough removed from the original, awful, event that maybe it was time to invite friends and family round to share a few drinks, have some nice food, and - at Rachel's suggestion - even raise a bit of money for the Aortic Dissection Awareness charity.

While Rachel - who actually organised the whole shindig, invited the guests, prepared the food, decorated the house etc - called the event "20 Years of Tim", others were calling it "Tim Day" and even "TimFest". 

I'll confess while it was immensely flattering to have all these people turn up to celebrate "me", it was also incredibly overwhelming and every so often I had to find a few calming minutes of quiet solitude with Alice and Obi (my two favouritest dogs in the whole, wide world).

Poor Alice, who is dealing with her own medical issues, seemed rather out of sorts as well, with so many people in "her space", that she didn't even engage in her usual rough and tumble with Obi (she's renowned for bullying him mercilessly, despite being a fraction of his size!).

I was quite gobsmacked by how much Acrobatic Flea (my signature character from our old games of Villains & Vigilantes) branding there was for the day - from the lovely T-shirt that Rachel's parents had made for me to the cup cakes created by the wonderful baker over the road from us.

Just before the group photograph was taken, Rachel gave a short, tearful, speech about how brilliant everyone had been in the wake of my sudden hospitalisation - from the amazing doctors and nurses of the NHS to all our friends who had pitched in to help us get through this. It even got to me, despite having already heard a dry run the night before, and a good number of other attendees. 

On the food table was a small framed poster with a QR code that people could scan, if they wished to, to make a charitable donation to Aortic Dissection Awareness.  

There was light-hearted talk about making Tim Day an annual event, which I did relay to Rachel, but I think one social event in 20 years is probably quite enough.

Top Dogs: Obi, the visitor (front), and our beloved Alice.

FAMILY PORTRAIT: Me, Rachel (holding Alice) and Rachel's parents

There were even garden games available for the young - and young-at-heart

EX-CUPCAKE! We're lucky to have a gifted cake maker live across the road from us

Excuse me, there's a Flea on my cupcake!

A mere fraction of the food and drink Rachel provided on the day

While the event was never intended as a "gift giving" day I was stunned
by the unexpected gifts I did receive.

Meet The Heroes and Villains of Eternia

The Lady Assassin (2013)

A bevy of gorgeous women run an isolated coastal tavern/brothel with the sole purpose of killing and robbing corrupt officials in the top-notch, Vietnamese period martial arts flick, The Lady Assassin.

When they free a hostage from a funeral caravan, the leader of the group, Kieu Thi (Thanh Hang) decides to take this new woman, Linh (Tang Thanh Ha), under her wing and train her to become an assassin, like them, so she can seek revenge on the local warlord Quan Do (Le Thai Hoa) who killed her family.

Yes, it's a classic martial arts revenge story that harkens back to the golden age of kung fu movies - but it plays out magnificently, against a background spectacular landscapes and certainly helped by the universal good looks of the central female cast.

Despite some fleeting dodgy CGI, the stunts and wire-fu action is fantastic and the relentless story escalates to a protracted fight around the tavern that takes the entire third act of the movie as Quan Do and his never-ending legions of black-clad, ninja-like soldiers assault the women's base of operations.

Along the way there, we are treated to some great plot twists and character development, a fair degree of family-friendly titillation, a musical number, and a chaste sapphic sub-plot as Linh becomes part of the female family of assassins.

My main gripe about the movie is that although it was Vietnam's first 3D movie and the country's biggest box office hit to date, when I first saw this in 2014, Terracotta Distribution had only released a standard DVD of this movie - despite some very obvious "3D" moments.

Horrific, Haunted Hotel Hokum With Adam Scott

When novelist Ohm Bauman (Adam Scott) retreats to a remote inn to scatter his parents’ ashes, he is consumed by tales of a witch haunting the honeymoon suite.

Disturbing visions and a shocking disappearance forces him to confront dark corners of his past.

The Monkey King (2014)

For those up on their Chinese mythology (or fans of the old Japanese TV show, Monkey!), the basic story of The Monkey King is a familiar one, although this latest big screen adaptation adds a few flourishes and twists to the traditional tale.

At its heart though, it's a straight-forward morality play about a naive and egotistical animal spirit, Sun Wukong aka Monkey King (Donnie Yen), being tricked into helping the evil forces of the Bull Demon King (Aaron Kwok) get through the Gates Of Heaven and attempt a coup against the Jade Emperor (Chow Yun-Fat).

Kam-Yuen Szeto and Edmond Wong's script is very clever, giving the well-known tale a fresh coat of paint rather than a total overhaul.

For instance, I liked the introduction of the low-key romance between the Monkey King and Silver Fox (Xia Zi Tong), that added an extra layer to explaining his willingness to go along with the Bull Demon King, and unlike many Western films this sub-plot doesn't slow the phenomenal pacing of the main story.

Although The Monkey King is two hours long, it moves along like a bullet train, but where it falls down is the rather inconsistent quality of its special effects.

While the blend of "people-in-costumes" creatures and CGI gives the movie a certain charm - the 'costume creatures', for instance, evoke memories of the old Monkey! TV show... and Power Rangers - the computer graphics lurch from breath-taking to appalling.

Rather oddly, for me, the equally unpredictable subtitles on my Thai-import DVD didn't hamper my enjoyment of the movie.

Some lengthy dialogue scenes merited no sub-titles (particularly, for some reason, when Sun Wukong was speaking) and at other times screeds of text would race across the screen at migraine-inducing speed.

And yet, the plot was still easy to follow. Yes, I might have missed some moments of witty (or profound) dialogue, but the visual storytelling was so spot on that I still felt as though I had my finger on the film's pulse.

That's not to say it's simplistic. This is an Asian fantasy after all, so there are some insane segues and moments of mind-baffling surreality that trigger 2001: A Space Odyssey flashbacks, but you watch enough of these movies and you learn to just go with it.

Interestingly, The Monkey King serves as a prequel to the better known story of Monkey and Tripitaka's 'Journey To The West'; we just get a teasing glimpse of young Tripitaka in the closing moments.

Demons On A Train? Cult Status Guaranteed!

Aboard a high-speed train, a Nun who lost her faith must perform her first Exorcism on a possessed passenger hellbent on crashing the runaway train.

Not a weird Asylum mockbuster of Snakes On A Plane (or Speed), Speed Demon - starring the Arrowverse's wonderful Katie Cassidy and the always great William H Macy - is real movie with the potential to be a genuinely unexpected cult classic or a "so bad it's good" cult classic.

And it's barrelling into American cinemas, and digital, on May 31.

Where's All The Roleplaying Stuff Then?

Photo by Nika Benedictova

When I launched this blog last November (with a hefty backlog of material preloaded) it came with the implicit suggestion - if not an outright statement - that Cowboys, Capes, and Claws would be largely a roleplaying game blog.

Well, that was the idea in my head anyway.

There have been general roleplaying posts, but primarily the blog has been - to date - film reviews and trailers, comic book news, wargames bits and bobs, and some coverage of TV shows and my meandering health issues thrown in for good measure.

Those who read my old blogs will know that sometimes I'd tack gaming material on the end of my film reviews (e.g. monsters and magic items that had appeared in the movie, translated into my own old school mechanics), but there has been none of that so far here.

And I'm very conscious of that absence of "added value".

The big thing - and this has been alluded to in most of the gaming-related posts I have published here - is that I simply don't know what system I want to focus all my attention on these days, what game I want to run for the Tuesday Knights (my gaming group).

The strongest contender is Twilight Sword, the anime and video game-inspired fantasy roleplaying system coming soon from Two Little Mice.

The full game is due to be released to backers of the crowdfunder (such as I) in the next few months.

However, a beta PDF of the core rules - largely absent the setting material, which will be in a second book (all part of the crowdfunding campaign) - has been delivered. And I like what I've seen. It's simple, and seemingly elegant, but I'm still not sure if it offers everything I'm looking for in a game.

But then again, does any rules set?

I tried kludging together my own RPG system a few years ago, to cover everything I wanted in a game mechanically, and it turned out to be a Frankengame with an ease of accessibility somewhere in the region of Phoenix Command or Advanced Squad Leader.

While I knew how it all worked and how each subsystem meshed with the others, it would have been a nightmare to explain to our group - especially as we generally lean towards the more "rules casual" approach to gaming.

The rules and themes of Twilight Sword are quite different from my usual offering, but that just needs a mental adjustment upon my behalf, as I'm sure the players will adapt without thinking or complaint - as long it's clear what they need to do.

Therefore, I don't want to start "tinkering" - coming with scenario-specific houserules, new magical items or monsters - until I have the full game in hand (the actual books, rather than the PDFs) and have probably played more than a handful of sessions with "rules as written".

That said, I'm also lining up at a small number of back-up offerings, in case I decide Twilight Sword isn't actually what I'm looking for. The last couple of times I tried to run games at our table (
Shadowdark and Villains & Vigilantes) both crashed-and-burned because I wasn't happy with the way things were shaping up.

Therefore, I really, really want to be certain that the game I choose is the right one before I present my next campaign to the Tuesday Knights.

I have a great deal of lost trust to regain. We only meet up 10 or 12 times a year, so each session is precious and can't (in my mind) be wasted on something that isn't going anywhere.

And this, gentle reader, is why I haven't written anything system-specific on the blog yet. Because I don't have a system to write to.

So, bear with with me, please keep reading the silliness I post (and commenting when you feel so inclined) and one day... hopefully in the not-too-distant future... there will be useful gaming material on the blog.

Along with film reviews and trailers, comic book news, wargames bits and bobs, and some coverage of TV shows and my meandering health issues thrown in for good measure.

The Dragons Have Taken Flight, The Long Wait Is At An End

Flying Guillotine Part II (1978)

The cunning but cruel Qing emperor Yung Cheng (Feng Ku) has a hatred of the conquered Han and a penchant for having people's heads cut off, as exemplified by his revolutionary "flying guillotine" weapon.

The flying guillotine is an almost certainly fictitious weapon said to have been thrown over an opponent's head and causing instant decapitation.

However, heroic rebel Ma Teng (Lung Ti) has invented the "iron umbrella", a device to counter the flying guillotines, and even turn them back on their users.

So the emperor calls on the guillotine's inventor, a high lama, to design an even better flying guillotine.

Meanwhile, the Han rebels, including Na Lan (Szu Shih), daughter of a palace official, keep trying to assassinate the emperor.

Their plans - especially one involving poisoned daggers firing out of a scroll case - are inspired, but the crafty emperor is always one step ahead.

Ultimately, this leads to a monumental, large-scale, showdown in the emperor's palace between his forces and those of the rebels.

The denouement is not exactly what I was expecting, but I appreciated its honesty.

Set in Ancient (17th Century?) China, Flying Guillotine II aka Palace Carnage is an incredibly pacey and chaotic Shaw Brothers martial arts masterpiece, full of incredible fight sequences, superheroic wire-fu, and bonkers, physics-defying, exotic weaponry.

Throw in a couple of unexpected moments of brief female nudity, frequent splashes of bright red blood, and some half-decent dubbing and Palace Carnage is an impressive, if occasionally hard to follow, frenetic slice of 1970's Hong Kong martial arts. 

There's an avalanche of palace intrigue, spying and counter-spying, as Na Lan wins the emperor's favour - much to the disgust of his senior aides - and gets to form her own all-female cadre of palace guards.

While all the main rebels are superb fighters, major kudos to the ultimate badass villain, Yung Cheng, who holds his own against at least half-a-dozen rebel mooks and ultimately faces off against the three main heroes and gives no quarter.

This final showdown is as glorious a spectacle of bloody martial arts as you could hope for from a Shaw Brothers flick.

MUSICAL MONDAY: Turn The Tide ( NiNi Music x RYUJIN)

Turn the Tide is an Epic Asian folk metal collaboration between NiNi Music and RYUJIN (Ryoji Shinomoto).

Blending traditional Asian instruments with melodic metal, the song tells the story of the legendary Pirate Queen Zheng Yi Sao and the storms of war that turned the tide of battle across the seas.

Shot across Asia with shots from the beautiful Hokkaido.

Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)

Honestly, it's next to impossible to summarise what's going on in the mind-bending Everything Everywhere All At Once without attempting to spell out every single moment of this gorgeously crafted movie.

Michelle Yeoh is Evelyn Wang, a middle-aged Chinese immigrant buckling under the pressure of running a launderette, filing her taxes, and coping with family drama.

Unbeknownst to her, her gentle husband Waymond Wang (Ke Huy Quan) wants to divorce her, but first they must report to the Internal Revenue Service for an audit by the officious Deirdre Beaubeirdre (Jamie Lee Curtis).

However, that's also when Evelyn unexpectedly learns of the existence of the multiverse and the fact that she's the only hope for saving all of reality from erasure... by drawing upon the unique skills of other versions of herself from across the infinite planes of existence.

Written and directed by Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert (as Daniels), Everything Everywhere All At Once is simultaneously unlike anything you've seen before and yet comfortably familiar to genre fans.

Superficially it is The Matrix meets Doctor Strange In The Multiverse of Madness with a shot of Rick and Morty thrown in for good measure.

But mix in talking rocks and apocalyptic bagels amidst the frenetic wuxia martial arts and reality-bending and suddenly Everything Everywhere All At Once is also a cerebral art house flick as well.

Once the action begins, it's pretty much non-stop (I couldn't help but be reminded of Mad Max: Fury Road in that respect) with a visual assault of chaotic images that often comes at you faster than your brain can process, almost certainly necessitating a repeat viewing.

Yet, for all the cosmic, existential, threats, at its heart this is a film about family, handled in a way that rings true without getting overly mushy.

Ultimately, though, no mere words can do it justice. Everything Everywhere All At Once is a film that has been to seen - experienced - rather than read about.

Cursed Castle on the Mountain: The Black Queen of Zagreb

This week, folklore YouTuber The Jolly Reiver heads:

... to Medvedgrad Castle north of the Croatian capital of Zagreb to look at the story of the Black Queen that was said to have terrorised locals until her fatal confrontation with the devil.

More Uninvited Guests Drop In On The Planet of The Apes

Cover art by Stonehouse

Rather than giving the classic Planet of The Apes its own ongoing series, Marvel continues to push it as the perfect tourist destination for crossovers with its other properties.

The planet is currently enjoying a visit from the Fantastic Four, and in July the Yautja (aka Predators) are dropping in for a five-issue miniseries, Predator versus Planet of The Apes, penned by Greg Pak and illustrated by Alan Robinson.

"Worlds collide when a deadly Yautja crash-lands on the legendary Planet of the Apes!

"After a rescue mission gone wrong, astronaut Arch finds herself embedded in a hostile ape society where humans are subservient. But the hunters soon became the hunted when the apes find themselves being stalked by Predators!

"A three-way war is about to erupt between humans, apes and Yautja – who will reign supreme?!…

"Blending the mythology as well as the themes of both universes, the revolutionary saga pushes both Yautja and ape to their limit in a brutal battle for dominance!"

A prequel story to this series will appear in Free Comic Book Day Comics Giveaway Day's Alien, Predator & Planet of The Apes #1 (available on Saturday, May 2).

Variant cover by Tim Seeley

Movie cover variant art by Chris Campana

Twilight Sword On Track To Ship End Of July

Today's livestream by theTwilight Sword authors

It sounds as though Twilight Sword is still on track to ship at the end of July.

In the latest email update for backers of the crowdfunding campaign for the anime and video game-inspired fantasy RPG from games' publisher Two Little Mice, it was stated that:

"Currently we're wrapping up the Starter Set, which should be ready in a couple of weeks. Soon after we'll go back to finishing Lands of Radia, which will be released around the end of May.

"Once the books are ready and typo-free, we'll send you all the Cards, Maps, Sheets, and the rest of the digital aids. We'll make another update next month to give you additional information about the soundtrack, the Alchemy Module, the Solo Mode, and the 3rd Party License."

Although there was little to add at this stage, in today's livestream by the games' authors, Riccardo “Rico” Sirignano and Simone Formicola, they stressed how proud they were of this game and how different it was to their other products, both in design and appearance.

As well as reiterating the planned shipping schedule for Twilight Sword, Rico and Simone added that they were still in the last round of playtests, which would allow them to work further on - for instance - balancing the monsters, but emphasised that the game was "mostly" finished.

Kokkoros! Art by Daniela Giubellini

A pleasant surprise in this week's email update was the inclusion of a link for backers to the 202-page beta PDF of the core rulebook for Twilight Sword.

While this is nowhere near a finished product, it is very advanced and eminently readable.

That said, I very much doubt I'll be posting a full review of the game until I have the hard copy in hand.

Not only is this beta release not the final iteration of the game, but also I'm no fan of reading massive PDF files on my laptop.

At first perusal though, the mechanics of Twilight Sword appear delightfully simple, but with a vast amount of applications, specific effects and modifiers.

I suspect it's a system that's easy to grasp initially, but then will take a good length of time - and actual play - to really grasp all its nuances.

There are definitely some idiosyncrasies and foibles of the setting and system that I'm going to have to put my thinking head on for if I'm going to run Twilight Sword for the Tuesday Knights (which is the intention).

I am, however, convinced that once the physical game has arrived - along with all the extras I invested in through Backerkit - and I've been able to study it all carefully and see how the various elements interact, it'll all fall into place (fingers crossed).

Casting spells, art by Daniela Giubellini

Snow White - Fairest Of Them All (2001)

Snow White - Fairest Of Them All is a ropey, old TV movie that was dusted down and given a new name so it could be rereleased on DVD to co-incide with the cinematic début of Snow White And The Huntsman in 2012.

Using extreme magical logic, it begins with the birth of Snow White and the death of her mother Josephine (Vera Farmiga).

Her father John (Tom Irwin) wanders off into the snow to find milk for the infant, but instead frees a trapped troll (Clancy Brown).

The wish-granting monster not only provides milk for baby Snow White, but makes John a king of his own kingdom.

The troll then transforms his own sister, Elspeth (Miranda Richardson), into a queen for John (as he cannot bring the dead Josephine back to life).

Years pass and Snow White (Smallville's Kristen Kreuk) turns 16, but ageless Elspeth is bored of her enchanted husband and step-child, so seeks fresh meat when young prince Alfred (Tyron Leitso) arrives to woo the princess.

When he spurns the wicked queen, Elspeth turns him into a bear, then charges smitten courtier Hector (Jose Zuniga) with leading Snow into the woods and cutting out her heart.

Snow flees and ends up in the company of the seven colour-coded dwarves (think Teletubbies, but dressed in charity shop cast-offs), who are actually elemental representations of the days of the week as well as weather-sprites.

Miranda Richardson's Elspeth is a delightfully loopy, fairy tale cougar (you can't help but smile when she makes her pass at the young prince and he runs a mile) and definitely comes off best when compared to Kristin Kreuk's hippy, whiny little Snow White.

This story is full of bright colours and wild magic - especially where the Queen's mirror is concerned (it flies, it spies, it transforms people, it shrinks things, it turns them to stone etc etc) - but while clearly aimed at a very young audience, the surprisingly subtle moral of the piece might go over their heads.

Elspeth is given everything by her brother, has access to powerful magics, but is never satisfied and is ultimately brought down by her own hubris. In a sense the traditional story of Snow White is simply a test of character by Clancy Brown's character of his sister.

GET HYPED! Prince Adam's Coming Home To Eternia

Masters of The Universe sees director Travis Knight bring the legendary franchise back to the big screen in this epic live-action adventure.

After being separated for 15 years, the Sword of Power leads Prince Adam (Nicholas Galitzine) back to Eternia where he discovers his home shattered under the fiendish rule of Skeletor (Jared Leto).

To save his family and his world, Adam must join forces with his closest allies, Teela (Camila Mendes) and Duncan/Man-At-Arms (Idris Elba), and embrace his true destiny as He-Man — the most powerful man in the universe.

THROWBACK THURSDAY: I Never Met David Bowie, But...

Nick and Andorian cosplayer at the premiere 'after-party'

I didn't want to get off on the wrong foot with this David Bowie-themed Throwback Thursday by suggesting I had met the great man.

The closest I ever came (via the laws of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon) was when Nick and I, 24 year ago, blagged ourselves tickets to the gala celebrity premiere of Star Trek VI - The Undiscovered Country (probably my favourite of the original Star Trek movies). I can't remember if this was through work or through my old Trekkie friend John Carrigan.

The only celebrities there actually connected with the movie were director Nicholas Meyer and Iman  - model-turned-actress and wife of David Bowie - who played Martia the shapeshifter.

So I was in the same room as Bowie's wife, which is the next best thing to having been in the same room as him!

As is often the case when someone famous dies you discover all the fascinating facts about their life that you wish you'd known while they were alive.

For instance, thanks to the Times of Tunbridge Wells news website back in 2016, I learned of Bowie's connection to the town of my birth.

His mum came from Southborough (a 'suburb' of Tunbridge Wells that bridges the gap between that town and Tonbridge, where I now live) and she met her future husband (and David's father-to-be) at the old cinema in Tunbridge Wells.

Like the rest of the right-thinking world I've always been a fan of Bowie's music, but in recent years it took on an added poignancy, as his song Where Are We Now? was the only track I remember the radio playing as Rachel and I sat by my mum's bed in her final days.

After years of silence, he had surprised the world by announcing a new album seemingly out of the blue, and here I was hearing the first release from it (repeatedly), sitting in a night-shrouded room, swathed in grief, saying 'good bye' to my ailing mother.

When I think back to those days, and I often do, the image in my head is almost like a Nativity scene, with Rachel and I sitting in the halo of light from a bedside lamp, holding mum's hand, in an otherwise dark room, with Where Are We Now? providing the soundtrack for the vignette.

Archie's Birthday Celebrations Deliver A Present For Me

Proudly showing off my new Archie magazine - shipped all the way from the good ol' U.S. of A.

I took a gamble on Archie and it paid off.

Back in February, I wrote about the planned release of a special magazine-sized Archie issue celebrating the 85th anniversary of the first appearance of Archie Andrews.

I've been on Archie Comics' mailing list for ages, but never dreamed of ever buying anything from them direct - what with me being on this side of the Atlantic and they being on the other.

There was a time, not that long ago, when I'd think nothing of ordering a book from the States or sending a parcel to a friend across The Pond, but these days, with outrageous postal charges and random tariffs, the idea of doing such things is usually comparable with the prospect of tooth extraction... without anaesthetic.

However, one email from Archie Comics caught my eye with its promotion for the Archie Jumbo Comic Magazine that seemed to suggest, through a combination of offers, that I could not only get the magazine on pre-order at a reduced cost but I could also secure free shipping.

I was sceptical at first - such deals usually turn out to be region-locked. But I did all the clicks, entered my address, and both the deals and my home address were accepted!

So, I pressed the equivalent of "buy it now" and paid what I considered to be an acceptably low sum should the magazine never actually appear. Perhaps someone at Archie would realise this was a mistake and not process it... 

But, the gorgeous Archie Jumbo Comic Magazine turned up this week, 112-pages of oversized stories from throughout the decades, classic Archie artwork, full-page character profiles, pin-ups, puzzles, and text introductions to each "age" of Archie stories (Golden, Silver etc).

As I've said before, amidst all the costumed fisticuffs, laser blasts, gorefests, and barbaric fury of the bulk of comic book reading, I've always - since my early days in the hobby - found room for the wholesome antics of the Riverdale crew. 

I guess it's a kind of palate cleanser, but that's not really what keeps bringing me back to Archie comics: it's their consistency, both in the art and writing. Not every joke lands, but enough raise a smile or even a chortle to make think "this was money well spent".

The Archie Jumbo Comic Magazine looks like it's going to be a wonderful book to dip in and out of, peeling back of the layers of Archie's history across the last 85 years.

However, the latest marketing email from the company reminded me that it's not just Archie that's celebrating a special anniversary this year... but his homeland as well:

Archie Comics Celebrates America's 250th is a 32-page, one-shot due out on July 1.

"America is celebrating its 250th birthday, and who better to ring in the occasion than the beacons of Americana - Archie Andrews and all his friends and family in Riverdale!

"Take a walk down memory lane (no, not THAT Memory Lane), as we revisit some of the best U.S. and U.S. history stories from Archie’s 85 years!"

The Passenger Quickly Turns Van Life Into Demon Life

A few weeks into their van life adventure, a young couple witnesses a horrific accident that leaves the driver dead. Soon they’re being pursued by a demonic stalker who’s impossible to outrun and follows them wherever they go.

130 million people take road trips every year. 15,400 of them are never seen again. Watch the official trailer for Passenger – only in theatres May 22.

Hat tip to my buddy Pun for alerting me to this intriguing horror road movie.

Snow White And The Huntsman (2012)

Snow White And The Huntsman is the classic tale of Snow White given the full-on Lord Of The Rings treatment.

Director Rupert Sanders was clearly taking lessons from Peter Jackson with his presentation of a fully-developed fantasy world.

Unfortunately, for all its sumptuous production values, the script by Evan Daugherty, John Lee Hancock and Hossein Amini is quite flawed - the pacing is rather measured, to put it politely (most would call it slow), the magic mirror (a key element of the story and a great special effect) is forgotten about a third of the way into the story, and the central characters of the Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) and Snow's childhood sweetheart, William (Sam Claflin) both serve the same role in the movie. This duplication of roles is further highlighted by the script's failure to resolve either character's personal journey.

And all that brings us to Snow White herself. Kristen Stewart may have the whole Twilight thing under her belt and is reasonably easy on the eye, but she is totally devoid of charisma in this movie - this is never more evident than in her "rousing speech" to her father's subjects hiding out in the castle of Duke Hammond (Vincent Regan).

She is supposedly whipping them up into a frenzy of rebellion against the evil queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron), but totally fails to sell it. I couldn't imagine an army following her to the supermarket let alone into battle against a powerful, magical foe.

That said, the film gave us a well thought-out back story of how the witch Ravenna usurped Snow White's father and took over the kingdom - even if we are supposed to believe that for the decade (or longer) that Snow was kept imprisoned, the lone rebel Duke Hammond - father of William - was able to hold out against the queen and her mastery of the dark arts.

When Snow comes of age (and thus the queen is no longer "the fairest in the land"), she escapes captivity and flees into the well-realised Dark Forest.

Ravenna summons The Huntsman to track Snow down, on the promise that she will bring his dead wife back to life if he delivers. Realising that the queen's offer is an empty one, the Huntsman instead helps Snow to escape the forest and head towards Duke Hammond's castle.

On the way they are captured by the seven dwarf bandits - who count a number of famous faces amongst them: such as Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins, Ray Winstone, Nick Frost and Toby Jones.

And the dwarves are another strength of the film. Once you get over the initial shock of seeing such well-known faces on the bodies of little people, they are wholly convincing and wouldn't look out of place around the table at Bag End when Thorin and co pay a visit to Bilbo Baggins.

The dwarves then escort Snow and the Huntsman to their final destination, and play an integral part in the princess's scheme to get her kingdom back and avenge her father's death.

But of course the stand-out performance of the piece is Charlize Theron as the evil queen, who not only acts Kristen Stewart out of the picture but looks every inch the majestic evil sovereign, whatever make-up effects are piled on her to show the ageing cost of her magic.

There are even, early on, strong suggestions of an incestuous, Game Of Thrones-style relationship between Ravenna and her (twin?) brother Finn (Sam Spruell), but this, ultimately, being a children's movie that particular sub-plot also goes nowhere - although there is definitely a link of some kind between them as demonstrated when the Huntsman slays Finn.

Stylistically Snow White And The Huntsman is a visually impressive retelling of Snow White story, but the script has serious, basic issues that really should have been picked up during the film's development.

First Clayface Teaser Brings The Body Horror

DC Studios’ first-ever foray into the genre, Clayface is a horror thriller from director James Watkins, starring Tom Rhys Harries in the title role of the Gotham City villain.

Clayface unravels one man’s horrifying descent from rising Hollywood star to revenge-filled monster in a story that explores the loss of one’s identity and humanity, corrosive love, and the dark underbelly of scientific ambition.

The film also stars Naomi Ackie, David Dencik, Max Minghella and Eddie Marsan, as well as Nancy Carroll and Joshua James. James Watkins directs from a screenplay by Mike Flanagan and Hossein Amini, story by Flanagan, based on characters from DC.

The film is produced by Matt Reeves, Lynn Harris, James Gunn and Peter Safran, with Michael E. Uslan, Rafi Crohn, Paul Ritchie, Chantal Nong Vo and Lars P. Winther executive producing.

Clayface will be released only in cinemas and IMAX in North America on October 23 and internationally beginning 21 October.

Skeletor's Origin Revelation Is A Bit Close To The Bone

Dive deep into the history of Eternia this August with a new maxiseries from Dark Horse Comics: Masters of the Universe - Genesis.

Discover the origins of your favourite heroes and villains!

In issue #1, we meet Skeletor - a power-hungry demon-mage determined to seize control of Castle Grayskull, conquer Eternia, and become Master of the Universe!

This 12-issue comic series unpeels the layers of Eternia's storied past through the eyes of its most heroic and most evil warriors.

Issue #1, available on August 5, is the start of a three-issue arc, written by Rich Douek, illustrated by Gavin Smith, coloured by Fabi Marques, lettered by AndWorld Design, and featuring cover art by Mark Buckingham with a variant by Lee Bermejo.

Future arcs in Masters of the Universe - Genesis will feature stories by Cavan Scott, Nick Roche, John Harris Dunning, Giovanna La Pietra, Tiffany Smith, and more!

An Atmospheric Western Horror? Yes, Please!

A widowed governess in 1870s Montana Territory searches for her son, who is the latest child to go missing in a rugged mining town.

Western horror The Wolf and The Lamb is due out next month (May), starring Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Adrianne Palicki, Black Sails' Zach McGowan, and The Yeti's Eric Nelsen.

Maleficent (2014)

I can't honestly think of anything good to say about this major disappointment.

For some reason, a suit at Disney decided that their finest "evil for the sake of evil" villainess - Maleficent (Angelina Jolie) from Sleeping Beauty - needed a ridiculous backstory.

It turns out that she's actually just misunderstood, a victim of male oppression striking back for the sake of equality, and is really a decent fairy who ultimately decides that Sleeping Beauty is a good egg and shouldn't be cursed... but then finds out it's too late to lift the curse!

There are just so many missteps in this film I'm amazed it could find its way to the cinema: for instance, Aurora aka Sleeping Beauty (Elle Fanning) is only asleep for about five minutes and the cartoon's spectacular climax of the witch transforming into a dragon is undercut by Maleficent, instead, transforming her henchman, Diaval (Sam Riley), into the dragon.

Such a pity. I had high hopes for this fantasy, but Disney managed to strip everything so iconic about the original Sleeping Beauty villainess and reduce her to a bland, cookie cutter "anti-hero".

I'd put this on a par with the pointless reinvention of The Wicked Witch of The West in Wicked. These are fairy tales, the bad guys are just bad because they enjoy being bad (and probably have a #bad4life tattoo). They don't need to be "understood". They need to be overcome. 

I Love That Deadites Are Getting This New Lease of Unlife

Evil Dead Burn unleashes the franchise’s most savage and terrifying ride to date, blazing onto big screens with an all-new chapter of carnage and demonic mayhem.

After the loss of her husband, a woman seeks solace with her in-laws in their secluded family home. As one by one they are transformed into Deadites — turning the gathering into a family reunion from hell — she comes to discover that the vows she took in life... live on even in death.

Directed by Sébastien Vaniček, and starring Souheila Yacoub, Tandi Wright, Hunter Doohan, Luciane Buchanan, Errol Shand, Maude Davey, George Pullar, and Greta Van Den Brink, Evil Dead Burn will be in theaters July 10.

Sleeping Beauty (2014)

Years before they became a byword for cheap, blockbuster cash-ins (i.e. mockbusters), the first movie I discovered by The Asylum was a fantasy film (simply called Dragon, I believe) in the discount aisle of Woolworths in Tonbridge (which shows just how long ago it was).

Since then I have remained firm in my belief that although they're not exactly known for quality productions, The Asylum is at its best when working in the fantasy genre.

That said, Sleeping Beauty isn't up to the pulpy, B-movie calibre of, say, an Arrowstorm film, but it still has its moments.

Directed by Casper Van Dien, who also appears as King David alongside his wife, Catherine Oxenberg as Queen Violet and his daughter Grace Van Dien as Princess Dawn aka Sleeping Beauty, the film is a liberal reworking of the fairy tale that starts in Disney territory then caroms off into its own little world.

To complete the family atmosphere on set, Maya Van Dien (daughter of both Casper Van Dien and Catherine Oxenberg) appears as a totally random addition to the story - a young girl called Newt (Aliens, much?) who has survived inside the enchanted castle and gives aid to Princess Dawn's rescuers.

Events initially unfold as they do in Disney's Sleeping Beauty cartoon, with the Three Good Fairies bestowing gifts upon the newborn Princess Dawn (although the guards' ill-fitting helmets and the treasure chests that look like cardboard boxes give away that this isn't the Disney version).

But then busty, yummy-mummy, evil witch queen Tambria (Olivia d'Abo) - whose invite got lost in the post - turns up and zaps Dawn with the familiar curse, then proceeds to blow up the good fairies.

In The Asylum's version, Dawn is raised alone in a castle tower, educated by her parents, and kept away from spinning wheel needles (several on-the-nose double entendres involving the word 'prick' got my hopes up this was going to be a wittily-scripted comedy; it's not), until just before her 16th birthday. And what do you know? She only gets tricked by Tambria into pricking her finger and falling asleep (taking the whole kingdom down with her).

A century passes and in a neighbouring kingdom, a servant called Barrow (Game Of Thrones' Finn Jones) discovers fragments of a map and a message leading to the cursed castle. Now, I'm not sure exactly who wrote this as Princess Dawn (as is suggested) is, of course, in a magical sleep.

I presumed it was actually an elaborate trap set out by Tambria - who has also been trapped inside the castle and unable to harm her slumbering nemesis - but this is never made clear.

Barrow's master is the obnoxious, privileged, bullying Tory-boy Prince Jayson (Edward Lewis French), who, learning of Barrow's discovery, decides to lead his coterie of yobbish mates on a jolly wheeze to rescue the treasure in Sleeping Beauty's castle and claim that kingdom for his own.

Again, it's never exactly clear how much this neighbouring territory knows about the curse on King David's land or the power of the wicked sorceress Tambria who now rules (kind of) there.

Given that it's just "over the mountain" from Jayson's realm, the general knowledge of the whole "asleep for a century" scenario seems rather vague.

Of course, Tambria isn't going to make things easy and throws a scaly pliosaur, a giant lizardman, a legion of shadowy wraiths and a never-ending army of zombies at the adventuring party that's coming for the treasure (and maybe the chance to snog a sleeping 115-year-old princess).

A particularly wonderful aspect about Jayson's loathsome cronies is, given that they are supposed to be trained fighters, just how cowardly they are. Their go-to tactic when confronted by any monster is "run away, run away".

The only one who shows the slightest bit of decency towards Barrow, and some backbone, is Gruner (Gil Kolirin) - who may be a commander or captain or something in Jayson's army, again it's not very clear.

The adventuring party gradually gets whittled down as they wander, seemingly aimlessly, around the same sections of castle and overgrown garden, until the final confrontation with Tambria.

By this time, Jayson has switched sides (or is he bluffing?), Newt has popped up and disappeared in a cloud of cryptic warnings several times, and Gruner and Barrow have bonded.

I'm not entirely sure who Sleeping Beauty is aimed at as there's some gore (Tambria pulling the head off of someone and dragging out their spine comes to mind) and an uncomfortable, rape-threat moment where a couple of brothers in Jayson's gang discover a magically sleeping servant woman in the castle kitchens. Thankfully Barrow steps in before that goes too far.

There's certainly an attempt at a Dungeons & Dragons vibe in the latter stages of this movie (torch-lit exploration, traps etc), but despite constant references to Barrow's map, there's never any real feeling that the adventurers are navigating a convincing, contiguous environment.

One minute they are stuck on one side of a lake, the next there's a bridge; they talk about going to certain places, but are next seen elsewhere.

This also isn't some hallucinogenic, dreamscape either, but simply a combination of poor directing, editing and scriptwriting.

The low-budget monsters aren't too bad though; the giant lizardman (despite being a cheap CGI creation) is quite interesting and the various undead have the added bonus that Tambria keeps resurrecting them every time they get nobbled.

As well as the many, many plot holes in the story (some of which I've alluded to above), more often than not the dialogue is delivered in quite mannered ways; now I'm not sure if this is director Van Dien trying to create a "fantasy Medieval" ambience but it doesn't really work.

Budgetary limitations abound in this version of Sleeping Beauty (there's no big dragon showdown at the end, for instance) - both in the effects and script - but it's an okay way to pass 90 minutes, if there isn't anything better on TV.

Evil Finds A Way

The Cimmerian Is Ablaze Once More

Cover art by Chris Regnault

Continuing yesterday's celebration of upcoming comic book releases related - or inspired by - the works of Robert E Howard, July also sees the start of a new miniseries for The Cimmerian.

Once again, after a break of about four years, Ablaze is publishing the English-language translation of Glénat's original French "uncensored" adaption of Howard's Conan adventure Xuthal Of Dusk (aka The Slithering Shadow).

Conan, accompanied by Natala - a slave of wild beauty - advances through the seeming infinity of a sandy desert. With water and food supplies now exhausted, and with the two stranded in turn under a blazing sun and frigid nights, it is clear that the inevitability is death. Right as Natala’s final ounce of strength leaves her, Conan spots something in the distance. It’s a city that shines like glass. It’s Xuthal…

Written by Christophe Bec, with art by Stevan Subić, this will be a three-issue miniseries and marks the regular return of The Cimmerian series, following on from the publisher's Free Comic Book Day release at the start of next month.

Variant cover by Stevan Subic

As I understand it (I am not a copyright lawyer, nor do I play one on TV), Ablaze can publish The Cimmerian because it limits itself to republishing existing European adaptations of Howard’s original Conan stories that are in the public domain in Europe.

Heroic Signatures controls the global Howardverse I.P and works with Titan Comics to publish its new, original, line of wildly successful comics and magazines inspired by Howard's work.

It struck a deal, six or so years ago, with Ablaze to translate and distribute the French Glénat bande dessinée adaptations as The Cimmerian (to differentiate these comics from Titan's new Conan books).