THROWBACK THURSDAY: At The Cinema With...

Pre-demolition: The derelict site of the former ABC Cinema in central Tunbridge Wells

These days I rarely see any movies at the cinema. I count myself 'lucky' if I manage the trip once in a 12-month period.

However there was a time - when I had a job - that I'd pop in to the cinema almost every week.

While the Tunbridge Wells town centre cinema (pictured above, years ago and well past its prime, and now - after a lot of faffing about - demolished) was still open, and I was friends with the manager, I saw pretty much everything that came out.

Of course, at the time, I was entertainments' editor for the local paper and self-appointed cinema critic.

I even had my own regular - and well-read (if not well-written) - column: At The Cinema With...

But when Odeon bought out the site then closed it so it didn't draw audiences away from their new, dismal, overpriced grottiplex on the out-of-town industrial estate, the rot started to set in.

I still went reasonably regularly, even though I had to pay(!), and got to see pretty much everything that interested me.

These days, now that I can't drive, it's just too much hassle. It's expensive, as well as inconvenient... and there are "other people" there when I'm trying to watch films.

To mangle Jean-Paul Sartre: "Hell is other people."

Despite what you might see elsewhere (in some movies, actually) watching a film is NOT a social experience, especially when you're paying the sort of money now being asked just to get through the doors.

If I've made the effort to go and see a film, I don't want to hear other people chattering, whooping, parroting dialogue, munching popcorn etc

I want to be in my own little bubble where I can sink into the story unfolding before my eyes.

And remember, more often that not, the people telling you that you HAVE to see a film on the big screen are those who will benefit financially from your inconvenience.

Truth be told - and it's probably a product of my age as much as anything - I find that far easier to do at home these days.

With the advances in home entertainment - the quality of TV screens and Blu-Rays, for instance - there is no longer the need to go to the cinema and pay a fortune to get annoyed with the unappreciative crowds of oiks who treat it as a social club.

Sure, I'll have to wait two or three months (sometimes a bit longer) for the movies I want to see to come out on Blu-Ray, Netflix, Prime Video, Sky Cinema etc, but I've realised I don't mind waiting.

It's a small price to pay for being able to watch a film how I want to, in comfortable surroundings with minimum distractions.

HEALTH UPDATE: Getting There... Slowly!

I won an official Women's Euros' ball!

In the weeks since my two days of hospital tests, my GP has done a 180 on her approach to my condition and done a magnificent job of chasing up my necessary referral.

I now have an appointment with the Orthopaedics department at the end of the month... for further examination and more tests, Rachel and I presume. Still not quite the physiotherapy we were hoping for, but I guess there's a protocol for these things.

As well as the near constant pain in my spine (and often in my legs when I try to get up or sit down), it's just frustrating and depressing not being able to do the normal things I used to do without thinking (such as reorganising a shelf, picking a book up off the floor, taking a shower, put the bins out, load the dishwasher etc).

Even my reading has been impacted. Due to the discomfort caused by any suitable reading posture (unlike TV watching in my fully-extended recliner) I've hardly read a thing. While I was at the hospital the other week I read a huge chunk of Carrie, but nothing since. I've managed a couple of chapters of the graphic novel "Did You Hear What Eddie Gein Done?".

However, the most annoying thing is that I set aside an afternoon this week to try and make a dent in my growing pile of unread comic books... and only managed two! Each one I got about half way through and had to take a nap before resuming.

On the other hand, a wonderful distraction during this period was following the Lionesses through to their second triumphant win at the Euros. Sadly, the footie fun is all over now until the next big tournament (which I guess is the World Cup in 2027, although there will be men's international football in between).

After witnessing this marvellous moment of sporting history, I was determined to win myself a Lucy Bronze England top (she's incredible, Proper English, played the entire tournament with a broken tibia). I investigated the cost of a genuine replica top... and it was £99 plus shipping!

So that was a big no, but several major companies were running competitions for serious merch. I don't usually bother with such things, but I was really hooked on the idea of that shirt (even if it wasn't actually being offered as a prize).

In the ultimate irony (given my current condition), I won an Adidas match football through an Amazon sweepstakes.

At first I thought it would make for a good joke, and anecdote, however once it arrived this week I immediately fell in love with it. Not sure where I'm going to put it (or what I'm going to do with it) but it's an undeniably cool memento of the Lionesses victory.

My prize

Meanwhile, Rachel's dad has installed a second handrail on our stairs, which is such a boon.

I can now - sometimes - use both rails to get down the stairs,  although going up the stairs is still incredibly hard. More times than not I end up either back on my arse or doing some kind of spider-walking (Linda Blair in The Exorcist-style), using whatever limbs have strength at that moment.

The new (left-hand) stair rails installed by Rachel's dad this week

The new rail is a godsend

Obviously, I hope my puny muscles will build up (through my weekly exercise class, my own exercises at home, and the general use of my walking frame) so I can master walking up and down stairs again... rather than feeling "trapped" on whichever floor I happen to be on at the moment.

Not only has Rachel invested in a walking frame for me, but also a wheelchair - of similar design to the one we initially hired, but with a separate cushion in it.

The chair means, when I can face it, I won't have to stay indoors as much I have been... and we can actually visit places.

This is what we used to go to the cinema to see Fantastic Four: First Steps. One thing we took away from that experience is that, despite ramps and wheelchair places in their auditoriums, our multiplex is not easy for wheelchair users to navigate.

The airlock doors into the screens are so heavy (and open towards you when you are going in, as do the doors to the disabled toilets) that it was nigh on impossible for Rachel to manage the door and chair-bound me simultaneously. We found ourselves relying on the kindness of strangers to hold open the doors.

If I'd had a self-propelled chair and was, somehow, there on my own, I'd never have got through any of the doorways without the assistance of random fellow cinema-goers!

Everything is moving so slowly these days... and I'm generally not a patient person (as Rachel will tell you), but thanks to my brilliant wife, her parents, and our friends we are making some kind of progress.

Posing on the stairs: this is currently about as far up as I can walk normally,
but I shall keep trying

The Fantastic Four: First Steps (2025)

I've been reading the Fantastic Four for over 50 years and have seen all the previous movies (even the unreleased Roger Corman version), but the latest offering from the official Marvel Cinematic Universe is - beyond a shadow of a doubt - the most comic book accurate to date.

Taking place on an alternate Earth to the main Earth-616 of the MCU, Fantastic Four: First Steps introduces us to the planet's heroes - Reed Richards/Mr Fantastic (The Mandalorian's Pedro Pascal), his wife Sue Storm/The Invisible Woman (Napoleon's Vanessa Kirby), Sue's brother Johnny Storm/The Human Torch (Stranger Things' Joseph Quinn), and family friend Ben Grimm/The Thing (The Bear's Ebon Moss-Bachrach).

In fast order, a chat show - hosted by Mark Gatiss - summarises the team's origin story and gives us a good look at the retro-futuristic 1960's world the team inhabit.

Soon after Sue reveals to the team that she's pregnant, Earth-828 is visited by the alien herald known as the Silver Surfer (Ozark's Julia Garner) to tell everyone that the planet has been selected as the next meal for the ever-hungry extraterrestrial "god" known as Galactus (The Witch's Ralph Ineson).

Naturally, Reed and co. want to prevent this and travel back out into space to try and negotiate with Galactus. 

The incomprehensible space kaiju, seated in his cyclopean planet-devouring spaceship, offers them a trade: it will spare the Earth if Reed and Sue give him their child, who Galactus says is a powerful cosmic being and the only creature that can take his place.

Of course, the Fantastic Four refuse this deal and head back to Earth, with the Silver Surfer and Galactus in pursuit across the vast expanse of space.

Once home, the people of Earth are initially angry at our heroes for turning down the offer that would have saved them all, but nevertheless the Fantastic Four knuckle down and try to come up with a scheme to dispose of Galactus and save the world.

With influences from classic science fiction films such as 2001: A Space Odyssey and numerous period B-movies, Fantastic Four: First Steps has more of a pure pulpy sci-fi feel than any previous MCU offering and, to my tastes, is all the better for it.

Kudos to director Matt Shakman (of WandaVision fame) and scriptwriters Josh Friedman, Eric Pearson, Jeff Kaplan and Ian Springer, for channelling the spirit of the original Fantastic Four comics by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby (there's a lovely explanation at the end of the credits tying Kirby to the choice of Earth designation).

I might have tweaked the look of a couple of the supporting members of the cast, but that's trivial compared to how much of First Steps is just so right in the eyes of this life-long Fantastic Four fan.

I cannot stress enough how "comic book" this film is. I nearly cried a number of times because it was so perfect, and the rest of the time I was either grinning from ear-to-ear or my jaw was on the floor from the sheer awesomeness and grandeur unfolding before me. 

For my money - although I'm obviously biased - Fantastic Four: First Steps is the best Marvel movie yet, perfectly encapsulating why I've always loved this team of characters as well as dropping multiple breadcrumbs and potential plot hooks for future movies.

We're going to have to wait until the end of next year and the release of Avengers: Doomsday though before we see the team again.

Although I can't wait for the home video release and the film's appearance on Disney Plus to watch it again... and again... and again.

I'd booked cinema tickets for Rachel and I to see Fantastic Four: First Steps weeks ago, prior to the whole "losing the power to walk" nonsense, but a kind attendant in the foyer of The Odeon (Tunbridge Wells) today swapped them for two spots in the third row. One was a place for me to park my chair, the other was an adjacent sofa seat for Rachel.

Naturally, she turned it into a comfortable bed and slept through about an hour in the middle of the movie - as is her wont. 

Rachel on her comfy sofa, next to me in my wheelchair slot

Having spied some Fantastic Four-themed merch on the way in, after the movie I was directed to the food counter where I was able to order an empty drink container and popcorn bucket (not that I eat popcorn).

Rachel had agreed to pay for these treats, but we both realised my "schoolboy error" in ordering them without asking the price. Both items were way more expensive than we'd naively imagined, but Rachel kindly got them for me anyway.

Back home, showing off my unexpectedly expensive Fantastic Four merch

THROWBACK THURSDAY: Karen Allen - My Most Enduring Childhood Crush

I watched Raiders Of The Lost Ark again the other day, as it's one of my "comfort films" that help centre me in this crazy world in which we're living.

It is also the film I've seen most times and the most times in the cinema.

Part of the appeal, on top of its pulpy majesty, is the presence of the stunning Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood, the plucky two-fisted bar owner who doesn't take crap from either Indiana Jones or the Nazis.

Unlike most young boys of my generation I was never the big Princess Leia fan (that would come later as I grew to admire Carrie Fisher the person), it was all about the tough cookie Marion with her lovely freckles.

I clearly recall that the second time I watched Raiders on the silver screen, I spent the whole duration of the movie transfixed by the sight of Marion (ie Karen Allen), rather than watching the film as a whole.

From her iconic first appearance in her bar to her final moments with Indy, I was hypnotised.

After the second or third viewing at the cinema, 15-year-old me even wrote to the movie's production company, trying to get an autographed photo of her. Instead I got back a simple head shot, that I still have framed and on display in the office.

In more recent times, I acquired a signed photo of her from Raiders, through eBay, but the provenance is a bit iffy, so I'll never know for sure if it was really signed by her hand. But, to me, it's the real deal!

Venom (2018)

Stretching the limits of my "only Marvel movies at the cinema" rule, I bought my ticket to Venom (on the strength of Tom Hardy) before the reviews started to appear.

Then I got a bit concerned, not that I give too much weight to professional critics' opinions as, generally, I don't see them as the target audience for superhero movies.

Therefore I am sadly disappointed to say they were right.

Venom is a dreadful film. Not so bad that I wished I wasn't there, but there's a language and structure to cinema - from Sharknado to Citizen Kane - that Venom just didn't seem to grasp.

Feeling like a throwback to the bad old days of superhero cinema - pre-MCU - it took an age to get going and then suddenly, almost without warning, was into its final act.

You catch yourself thinking: this seems like the climax of the movie, but surely it can't be the end yet? But it is.

The fault lays squarely at the feet of those behind the camera, from the writers (Jeff Pinkner, Scott Rosenberg, and Kelly Marcel) to the director (Ruben Fleischer), the editors, and - almost certainly - some suits at Sony who must have stuck their oar in at one point or another.

Since the first shockingly poor - Venom-free - trailer, it's been clear that things could be going seriously wrong with this film, but given the talent in front of the camera I had hopes that something might have been salvageable.

Even though his character is wildly inconsistent as the story unfolds, Tom Hardy is clearly enjoying himself as Eddie Brock, the investigative journalist, who becomes the unwilling host for the alien parasite known as Venom.

Thankfully, he isn't actually using his strange parody of Christopher Walken's voice that provides the voice-over in some of the trailers, but instead, for Hardy, is using a remarkably 'generic' (and easy to understand) American accent.

But nowhere is the crass stupidity of the script more evident than in Venom's sudden switch from a head-chomping monster to would-be saviour of the human race, with no convincing rhyme nor reason for the major change of heart.

Then again, internal logic is not this film's strong point (you have to love a conquering alien species that blurts out its fatal weaknesses when asked!), which is a shame because there are moments of great fun and even humour along the way (although you might find yourself thinking you've seen 90 per cent of them in the trailers).

Michelle Williams is rather wasted, phoning it in as Eddie's ex-girlfriend, who doesn't really contribute much to the story, except as Eddie's initial "in" to the corrupt world of businessman Carlton Drake (Riz Ahmed).

It's Drake's attempts at private space exploration that discover a nest of alien symbiotes on a comet and bring them back to Earth.

Unfortunately, one escapes containment, causing the space shuttle to crash in Malaysia.

The free alien, Riot, then takes six months to work its way back to San Francisco, where its siblings are being held and experimented on by Drake. Arriving at exactly the right time for the story.

The simplistic plot culminates with Riot, on his own host, fighting Venom - a mass of black jelly entangled with a second mass of black jelly - as a new shuttle is about to be launched to retrieve a whole army of symbiotes to return for an all-you-can-eat buffet.

An unadulterated mess, Venom's never boring, and it's certainly action-packed and stupid fun all the way, it's just structurally the film doesn't hold up.

Venom, himself, is an impressively imposing monster, but not enough is done - especially for those not au fait with the source material - to differentiate the various symbiotes from each other or explain why Riot's ability to produce certain weapons was any different from everything that Venom could do.

More cheesy sci-fi than true superhero film, I traditionally have a problem with stories that promote murderous villains as the protagonists, but I was swayed by the prospect of seeing Tom Hardy do his thang in a comic book movie.

And, to be honest, it's his performance - as unconvincing as his character is written - that makes Venom worth seeing.

If you don't want to be spoiled, don't read on...

As is fashionable these days, the film has a brace of credit scenes.

The one mid-credit one is clearly setting up a potential sequel, and features a big name scenery-chewing cameo.

However, the post-credit scene is brazenly not even from the same movie, but an advert for another Sony film that could cheekily be taken as a possible hint that Venom is supposed to be set within the wider Spider-verse.

Given that Venom was originally a Spider-Man villain - and his appearance clearly apes that of the traditional Spider-costume - this was an audacious move.

* This review was based upon my first viewing of Venom, actually upon its release in the cinema.

In 2025 We Can Look Up Again...

Now this is what I want from a superhero picture: inspirational and optimistic. 

And Krypto!!!

It's looking like 2025 is going to be a great year for superhero films, but, truth be told, I have no particular interest in seeing Marvel's pair of military-fetish offerings - Captain America: Brave New World and Thunderbolts* - at the cinema.

I can comfortably wait for the Blu-Rays (or Disney Plus release) of those.

However, then we get to July and it's a double-hit of my favourites getting (hopefully) the treatment they deserve.

First we have James Gunn's Superman on July 11 (my favourite character in DC Comics) and then on July 25 The Fantastic Four: First Steps (my favourite superhero team finally earn their place in the MCU).

I rarely go the cinema these days (I think the last time was in late 2023 to see The Marvels), but I really feel as though July is going to see a couple of carpe diem days as I really need to see both these pictures on the silver screen.

As bleak as the world is probably going to be by then, these two films should prove the ultimate fillip in the dark days ahead.