SHOW ME: Lee Cronin's The Mummy (2026)

Who's The Mummy? Katie (Natalie Grace)
Mummy's Love? n/a
Where? Egypt (Cairo/Aswan) & Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA
How Long? 134 minutes

Television reporter Charlie Cannon (Jack Reynor) is stationed in Cairo, Eygpt, with his pregnant wife, Larissa (Laia Costa), and their two young children, Katie (Emily Mitchell) and Sebastian (Dean Allen Williams).

Just as the family is preparing to move back to their home in Albuquerque, New Mexico, where Charlie has a new job offer, Katie is kidnapped from their back garden by a mysterious woman known only as The Magician (Hayat Kamille).

The police investigation, led by a suspicious detective (Husam Chadat) and his English-speaking assistant Detective Dalia Zaki (May Calamawy), gets nowhere.

The story jumps ahead eight years and the Cannons are settled back in Albuquerque, sharing their house with Larissa's mother, Carmen (Veronica Falcon).

Katie's bedroom remains a shrine to her, while the other two kids, Sebastian (Shylo Molina)  and Maud (Billie Roy) still share a room.

However, in Egypt a small plane crashes outside of Aswan and in the wreckage is a 3,000-year-old black, basalt sarcophagus.

When opened by a pair of archaeologists, they are very shocked to discover it contains the mummified body of Katie (Natalie Grace) - still very much alive.

A brief aside here, because this issue crops up several times in Lee Cronin's The Mummy, but if the police had investigated the two men who had died in the plane crash, the story would have been a lot shorter. But, for some reason, this obvious angle is never pursued or even really mentioned again until the final act revelation of what's been going on this whole time.

Katie is, unsurprisingly, in a very bad way, and apparently in a locked-in state, yet her doctors in Cairo - without any real medical justification or investigation - tell her parents that the best "medicine" would be to take her home to Albuquerque!

Clearly that serves the movie, but - like ignoring the inconvenient aspects of the plane crash - makes no logical sense.

Determined not to rely on actual specialists or anything sensible like that, the Cannons bring their traumatised daughter back from Egypt and Carmen insists on caring for her daughter, pretty much on her own.

Meanwhile, journalist Charlie is determined to get to the bottom of what happened to Katie in those missing eight years.

However, as Katie begins to wake up it very quickly becomes clear that she is not the Katie her family remember.

There is something very wrong with her. And it starts to spread to other members of the family.

As Lee Cronin had written and directed one of my favourite horrors of recent years, Evil Dead Rise, I cannot express just how excited I was to learn that he would next be tackling my favourite classic monster archetype, the mummy.

Add to that the fact that during pre-release promotion for Lee Cronin's The Mummy he teased that he considered this to be - unofficially - set in the same world as the Evil Dead movies.

However, I was still expecting a "mummy" movie, not an in-your-face (albeit "unofficial", I guess) addition to the Evil Dead mythos.

Sure, mummification processes are involved - and mentioned once - but Lee Cronin's The Mummy is not a "mummy" movie as such, but way more a mix of Evil Dead with a side order of The Exorcist thrown in for good measure.

This is a film with demonic possession, levitation, telekinesis, corpse defilement, bodily transformation and decay, ceiling scuttling, and creepy voices, with quite a bit echoing Cronin's brilliant Evil Dead Rise.

For a pulpy horror the 134-minute runtime is too long and The Mummy starts very slowly and juddery, despite an intriguing pre-credit sequence.

However, it does gains momentum as the horrors escalate within the Cannon home.

The narrative then gets slightly confusing as it jumps all around the place, between America and Egypt, with different avenues of investigation being pursued, while the demon within Katie gradually spreads its evil to her young siblings.

I also found the prevalence of video cassettes and - more tellingly if this was all taking place in (as it appears) a contemporary, 21st Century setting - VHS players rather jarring.

Perhaps Charlie needed one for his job, but I do think - if that's the case - a passing comment might have it made it stand out less as a plot convenience.

Not as convenient, though, as Chekov's morse code: when we first meet Katie and Charlie he is testing her on morse code, apparently for a badge with the Egyptian eagle scouts or something. It's really obvious that this is IMPORTANT. Again, it's never explained, it's just some heavy-handed foreshadowing.

While the film is disappointing in general, with plot holes that if addressed could have shortened the movie, at least when it gets to the horror parts Cronin doesn't let us down, delivering twisted gore and putrescent body horror of the finest kind.

Not that I mind having my expectations subverted - this the horror genre after all - but when the subversion changes the subject into something else completely, it becomes rather bemusing.

I just wish, rather than saying he's making a "mummy" movie, Cronin had been allowed to make another Evil Dead movie, introducing the indestructible, family-hating,  Nasmaranian demon into that canon if he so wanted.

Because I really can't help feeling that's where it belongs. Kinda like Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday.

When I come to file my Blu-Rays, Lee Cronin's The Mummy will be sat next to my Evil Dead collection, rather than my Mummy movies.

Deathstalker's Deeds Finally Set Down On Paper

Deathstalker - as portrayed in Steven Kostanski’s recent, excellent, movie - finally finds his way onto the written page, this September.

Bret Nelson's official adaptation of Deathstalker, published by Encyclopocalypse, will be available as a 190-page mass market paperback and and an e-book, with an audiobook following along later this year.

With a foreword by the great Patton Oswalt (who voices goblin-dwarf wizard Doodad in the film), the book - according to a recent article on Rue Morgue - will expand:

"...upon the film’s world of monsters, magic, mayhem, and adventure, bringing readers deeper into the war-torn realm of Abraxeon and the dangerous quest that places its reluctant hero at the centre of an unplanned adventure after accidentally unleashing a curse upon…himself."

Nelson, who has a solid track record with movie tie-ins, having penned adaptations of Plan 9 From Outer Space and Manborg, as well as numerous works of his own under his belt, says in the Rue Morgue piece that his was inspired by Conan The Barbarian comics and the works of Fritz Leiber and Michael Moorcock, as well as many hours of sword-and-sorcery roleplaying game campaigns.

I strongly suspect this is going to be delightfully pulpy and cannot wait to get my hands on the paperback.

"The legend returns... bloodier, bolder, and more outrageous than ever.

"Deathstalker is a thief, a mercenary, and a survivor with a talent for finding trouble wherever he roams. When a dying prince's mysterious amulet becomes bound to his soul, Deathstalker finds himself hunted by assassins, monsters, sorcerers, and creatures that should have remained buried in the darkest corners of the realm.

"Armed with an overwhelming desire to be left alone, Deathstalker embarks on a perilous quest across the war-torn kingdom of Abraxeon. Along the way he'll battle two-headed trolls, flesh-eating serpents, ancient curses, sinister magic, and an army of enemies determined to claim the amulet's deadly secret.

"Adapted from the screenplay by Steven Kostanski (Psycho Goreman, Frankie Freako) by Bret Nelson (Manborg, Plan 9 From Outer Space) and featuring a foreword by Patton Oswalt, Deathstalker is an epic journey into a world of gloriously old-school adventure.

"Sharpen your sword, and try not to get cursed along the way.

"Deathstalker rides again."

The Caped Crusader Returns To The Streets of Gotham

One of my favourite new superhero cartoons of recent years, resplendent with its vintage, noir-meets-pulp vibes, Batman: Caped Crusader returns next month for a second season with a host of new villains for our hero to bring to justice.

EPISODE SIX: Atlantis Found and Lost Again

Professor Kasper Wieloch, the magical trident of Poseidon, and the scary tentacles

PREVIOUSLY ON OUTGUNNED ADVENTURES: Having found the lost city of Atlantis, our heroes pick their way through the abandoned houses and temples, dodge traps and eventually find themselves in an underground amphitheatre. There they come face-to-face with their old nemesis Kasper Wieloch, a unit of Nazi soldiers, and mass of giant, squirming tentacles.

And that's when the shooting started. We were on one side of the amphitheatre, the soldiers and Wieloch - dressed in some strange (Atlantean?) robes and chanting in a language we didn't recognise - on the other.

Rising out of the water in the basin of the amphitheatre was an altar bearing a clearly supernatural trident.

Our heroes (at the bottom) face off against a unit of Nazis and a wannabe wizard

As bullets zipped to and fro, and we were able to pick the Nazis off one-by-one, Wieloch strode forward and grabbed the trident. Much to his obvious shock, he found himself bathed in a crackling electrical field that was clearly causing him incredible pain. 

Freya (Clare's photojournalist) took a pot shot at him, but the field encasing the professor also acted as some kind of shield, deflecting Freya's attack.

Buck (my explorer) and Dick (Kevin's ex G-man) continued to pepper the soldiers with well-aimed shots, but then Wieloch suddenly underwent some otherworldly transformation as his eyes turned white and his facial expression contorted into something demonic.

Hollering in an alien tongue, he appeared to command the monstrous tentacles to destroy the structure we were all in - oblivious of his former allies.

As the ceiling began to fall, the soldiers scattered... heading our way (the only exit now).

Using my keen, hunter's observation [and a Luck point], Buck quickly studied Wieloch and the "force field" around him, and realised that the electrical screen didn't extend to the trident itself.

Taking a deep breath, Buck remembered the killer shot he had taken in Antarctica many months ago [during Pete's previous Hollow Earth Expedition iteration of this game, back in February 2024] to blow up an Elder God, exhaled and pulled the trigger.

The trident exploded into many splinters, the tines fell apart and the shaft cracked, and almost simultaneously - as Wieloch's power waned and disappeared - the tentacles wrapped themselves around the possessed professor and, with sickening rending, popping and crunching sounds rent his body into a million pieces.

My colleagues traded a few more shots with the soldiers, then I barked over the sounds of gunfight and falling masonry that we might as well make a break for it as there was nothing more we could do here.

Pursued by the Germans we raced back over the star bridge - Buck carefully guiding his friends where to safely step - and headed towards the exit.

The Nazis, of course, weren't aware of the animated statue trap on the bridge and we heard their screams as they discovered its lethality. 

Further on and almost out, we tried to jump the open pit trap that was blocking our escape, but we were all tired by then and only Freya got out of the six foot hole with her dignity intact. Both Dick and I managed to hurt ourselves in the fall, but mainly it was our pride that took the most damage.

As we pulled ourselves out, the remaining two Nazis came barrelling into the room. One went straight into the pit and so Dick shot the other.

As the violent shaking of Atlantis - probably caused by the monster that had eaten Wieloch - increased, the sea levels rose, and tremendous cracks appeared in the roads and buildings.

We raced to our waiting sea plane, where Oynx (our NPC pilot) was struggling a bit to get the engines started.

Climbing into the plane, we said: "Oynx, take us home." And with assistance from Dick and Freya, she was able to fire up the twin engines and get the plane into the air.

Behind us, the ruins of Atlantis sank beneath the waves. Leaving no evidence that it had ever been there!

No evidence... except the plain, wooden cup Freya had picked up during our initial exploration of the island.

We had otherwise escaped largely unscathed, but Dick had taken a bullet in the shoulder during that final gunbattle that would leave a nasty scar.

Little did I realise, at the time, that that last Nazi had somehow survived and, of all our group, he had sworn a blood oath against Buck Hannigan to seek revenge for his fallen comrades.

TO BE CONTINUED...

CAST:

• Buck Hannigan - Me
• Freya Larson - Clare
• Dick Tate - Kevin
• Onyx Jones - NPC

DIRECTOR:

• Pete

Buck & Dick (top) and Onyx & Freya (bottom)

If you want to keep abreast of the action in our current season of Pete's Weird Science campaign (currently using the OUTGUNNED ADVENTURES system from Two Little Mice)
then visit this page to find links to all our previous episodes.

DING! DING! ROUND TWO!

Yes, I am wearing my Conan The Barbarian t-shirt. 

Just over a year since the first glorious volume arrived from the Robert E Howard Foundation Press (via Amazon, I must confess), the second hardback collection of the prodigious pulp writer's boxing stories is now in my hands.

And on the weekend of 40th annual Howard Days over in Cross Plains, Texas, no less.

I was particularly keen to get my mitts on Fists of Iron: Round Two because it's wall-to-wall Sailor Steve Costigan yarns. 

Although Howard is best known for his swords-and-sorcery stories featuring the likes of Conan, Kull, and Bran Mak Morn: as I've declared many times before, Sailor Steve Costigan is my favourite of Howard's many characters. 

That's Steve and his bulldog Mike on the cover

This is only the second volume of a planned four-volume series of Howard's boxing stories. And money - and space - willing I'm all in for the complete set.

I'm not generally what you'd call a sporty person, but there's a definite fascination in Howard's journalistic, blow-by-blow descriptions of boxing bouts, be they legal or otherwise. 

And Costigan is a charming, hard-drinking, goofy lunk, prone to being led into chaotic misadventures by a pretty face, and who resolves his problems with his fists and his feisty bulldog, Mike. I mean, what's not to enjoy?

Complementing Fists of Iron: Round Two, I also picked up  the self-published Fight Card: The Adventures of Sailor Tom Sharkey by Howard scholar Mark Finn (he even wrote the introduction to Fists of Iron: Round Two!).

Finn's homage to Sailor Steve imagines a boisterous, pulp adventure-packed life for the very real, early 20th Century, boxer Tom Sharkey after he officially hung up his gloves. Sharkey, I believe, was an inspiration for Howard when penning the Sailor Steve tales. 

Mark Finn also wrote Blood & Thunder, the highly-regarded biography of Robert E Howard.

Sailor Steve has already found a home on my Robert E Howard shelf

Backers Can Now Explore The World of Twilight Sword

Radiosa Castle by Wild Blue Studios

The Lands of Radia, the default setting for the upcoming Twilight Sword anime-inspired RPG from Two Little Mice, has been released as a BETA PDF to backers of the its crowdfunding campaign.

The already lavishly illustrated game now includes art by Wild Blue Studios and the latest update on the project explains:

"These amazing artists have created dedicated landscape art for every region of Radia, from the Valley of Aramilla to the Fortress of Evil."

This new book details the eight regions of Radia, atmospheric background lore, key NPCs, area-specific random encounters, and more than 20 new, fully-statted out monsters for the player-characters to face.

I remain enamoured by the brevity (and seeming simplicity) with which this whole system has been created and written, although - obviously - I am still unsure of how this will transfer to the table once dice start to be slung.

The team at Two Little Mice currently seem to be deeply engrossed in their latest crowdfunding campaign, for a huge expansion to their wildly popular and pulpy Outgunned action-adventure roleplaying game.

This runs for about another week and a half, and then I'm guessing their thoughts will return to getting Twilight Sword ready to ship by the end of next month (July).

CURSED ARMOUR: The former attire of fallen heroes, now enchanted to serve the Big Bad

EPISODE FIVE: All Roads Lead To Doom

Atlantis

PREVIOUSLY ON OUTGUNNED ADVENTURES: When we last saw our heroes their aircraft was just emerging from a supernatural storm and in front of them lay the lost island of Atlantis!

As Onyx (our currently NPC pilot) banked the seaplane towards the island, we heard, aft, a loud cracking sound in the air. Looking back we realised the zeppelin had been struck by lightning, but - even more terrifying - it was now in the grasp of indescribably large tentacles that had arisen from the water and were squeezing the life out of the German craft.

Piercing the 'energy shield' over the island, we inspected the ruined and abandoned Greco-Roman city as we came in to land in the calming sea on the far side of Atlantis, parking the plane up on the beach so we could go exploring.

Onyx stayed with the plane - just in case we needed to make a hasty exit.

It soon became clear that the city had been abandoned by its populace - suddenly - a long time ago. The houses were falling down, furniture turning to dust, nature slowly reclaiming it all with encroaching vines.

Freya (Clare's photojournalist) was absorbed by the archaeology, while Buck (my explorer) and Dick (Kevin's former G-man) listened out for German survivors and any remaining natives.

Eventually we made our way up a main thoroughfare to the giant bronze gate barring the sturdy entrance to the central temple.

The door of four faces

As we approached, a poem was seen, carved into a wall, which Freya was able to translate:

"To face the sea, you must
catch the rising wind
follow the lesser stars
fear the darkened depths"

This sparked much discussion as to its meaning. We suspected it was a series of clues to solving any challenges we would have to face, But even the first four words took us a while to get our heads round - until Dick suggested it was "face" as in "confront" rather than "look at".

"Catch the rising wind" was clearly connected to the brass door, which was cast with four identical faces, their lips pursed in a blowing fashion (see picture above).

Using my lighter I detected a breeze from the left mouth and the bottom one, then Dick accidentally set off a pit trap when he probed one of the orifices with a rolled-up leaf. Thankfully, the only thing bruised was his dignity. 

After a lot of mental gymnastics, together with our vast selection of skills and feats, we eventually cracked the code and Freya had to suffer the minor embarrassment of putting her lips to one of the mouths and inhaling until there was an audible click and the door dropped down into the ground.

Beyond the vast bronze door was a flight of stairs heading down under the temple. As it was the only way we could go, we descended.

We quickly realised that the wall-mounted crystals were emitting light, some even set in small brass cages that we could lift off the wall and use as torches.

The further we went, we noticed a panorama of bas-reliefs on one side were telling a story: a boy finds a trident in the sea that grants him magical powers; he attracts a following, but as he older he gets corrupted by the enormous power; his followers rebel against him; the rebels kill the prophet and take the glowing trident to the temple; unfortunately calamity strikes and the temple is attacked by giant tentacles.

If this was a true record of the fate of Atlantis, we were very impressed that someone was so dedicated to their work that they stayed on to record the destruction of the city in stone as it fell down around them!

Reaching the bottom of the stairs, so that we were now at sea level, we found ourselves in an enormous cavern, bisected by a bottomless chasm, and crossed by a single stone bridge - that was adorned by three pairs of armed mermen statues.

The pathway across bridge itself (pictured right) was decorated with a panoply of star-shaped crystals, small, medium and large.

Buck thought he'd understood the "follow the lesser stars" clue, but treading on one of the small stars just woke the nearest merman statue. It swivelled round on its plinth to face Buck and tried to jab him.

Eventually, after another lengthy discussion, Buck and Freya were able to figure out what the patterns were (again drawing on their particular fields of knowledge).

Buck was then tasked with guiding his two companions across the cunning trap.

This was very tense [a LOT of dice rolling for me, with my colleagues' lives in my hands], but eventually everyone made it across - although I did stumble at the last moment and had to be pulled to safety by Dick and Freya.

On the far side of the bridge we realised there were no more crystals, but as we continued down the slope it actually began to get lighter.

Soon we entered a partially-flooded amphitheatre. We were just admiring the clear sparkling water when a massive explosion filled the room with dust and debris.

Emerging from the haze came a unit of Nazi soldiers (about 10 at a quick estimate), just as an altar rose up in the middle of the flooded stage - bearing on it a strangely familiar trident.

However, things escalated rapidly, for behind the soldiers came our nemesis, Professor Kasper Wieloch, no longer dressed in his military uniform but wearing arcane robes instead. 

Framing our vision of this vile man, the horrific tentacles from earlier were flailing around... presumably under his control!!!

It's not looking good for our heroes!

TO BE CONTINUED...

CAST:

• Buck Hannigan - Me
• Freya Larson - Clare
• Dick Tate - Kevin
• Onyx Jones - NPC*

DIRECTOR:

• Pete

*Unfortunately it appears that Mark will be unable to join us for the foreseeable future. We all wish him the best and look forward to his return to our table as soon as possible.

Buck & Dick (top) and Onyx & Freya (bottom)

If you want to keep abreast of the action in our current season of Pete's Weird Science campaign (currently using the OUTGUNNED ADVENTURES system from Two Little Mice)
then visit this page to find links to all our previous episodes.

Missed Out On Free Conan Comic Day? Fret Not...

Conan of Cimmeria believed that Thulsa Doom’s evil had been banished forever, but the Atlantean necromancer’s dark power stirs once more and, if it cannot be stopped, the dead shall overtake the living! The Tyrant-King of Atlantis returns and all shall suffer, unless Conan and his brave allies can turn back the tide!

Did you miss out on the Conan The Barbarian offering on May 2's Free Comic Book Day?

Don't worry - publishers Titan Comics has you covered. The 24-page book is now available as a free, downloadable PDF direct from them, here.

Written by legendary Conan scribe Jim Zub, with art by Jesus Merino, the comic is a prelude to the next big Howardverse comic book crossover event, Tides of the Tyrant King, starting in the Autumn.

This year's event ties into the classic 1929 Robert E Howard pulp story Skull-Face, his take on the Sax Rohmer's popular Fu Manchu adventures that began in 1912.

Tides of the Tyrant King also features, from the original Skull-Face yarn, Soldier Stephen Costigan, cousin of my favourite Howard creation Sailor Steve Costigan.

Sleeping Beauty (2014)

Years before they became a byword for cheap, blockbuster cash-ins (i.e. mockbusters), the first movie I discovered by The Asylum was a fantasy film (simply called Dragon, I believe) in the discount aisle of Woolworths in Tonbridge (which shows just how long ago it was).

Since then I have remained firm in my belief that although they're not exactly known for quality productions, The Asylum is at its best when working in the fantasy genre.

That said, Sleeping Beauty isn't up to the pulpy, B-movie calibre of, say, an Arrowstorm film, but it still has its moments.

Directed by Casper Van Dien, who also appears as King David alongside his wife, Catherine Oxenberg as Queen Violet and his daughter Grace Van Dien as Princess Dawn aka Sleeping Beauty, the film is a liberal reworking of the fairy tale that starts in Disney territory then caroms off into its own little world.

To complete the family atmosphere on set, Maya Van Dien (daughter of both Casper Van Dien and Catherine Oxenberg) appears as a totally random addition to the story - a young girl called Newt (Aliens, much?) who has survived inside the enchanted castle and gives aid to Princess Dawn's rescuers.

Events initially unfold as they do in Disney's Sleeping Beauty cartoon, with the Three Good Fairies bestowing gifts upon the newborn Princess Dawn (although the guards' ill-fitting helmets and the treasure chests that look like cardboard boxes give away that this isn't the Disney version).

But then busty, yummy-mummy, evil witch queen Tambria (Olivia d'Abo) - whose invite got lost in the post - turns up and zaps Dawn with the familiar curse, then proceeds to blow up the good fairies.

In The Asylum's version, Dawn is raised alone in a castle tower, educated by her parents, and kept away from spinning wheel needles (several on-the-nose double entendres involving the word 'prick' got my hopes up this was going to be a wittily-scripted comedy; it's not), until just before her 16th birthday. And what do you know? She only gets tricked by Tambria into pricking her finger and falling asleep (taking the whole kingdom down with her).

A century passes and in a neighbouring kingdom, a servant called Barrow (Game Of Thrones' Finn Jones) discovers fragments of a map and a message leading to the cursed castle. Now, I'm not sure exactly who wrote this as Princess Dawn (as is suggested) is, of course, in a magical sleep.

I presumed it was actually an elaborate trap set out by Tambria - who has also been trapped inside the castle and unable to harm her slumbering nemesis - but this is never made clear.

Barrow's master is the obnoxious, privileged, bullying Tory-boy Prince Jayson (Edward Lewis French), who, learning of Barrow's discovery, decides to lead his coterie of yobbish mates on a jolly wheeze to rescue the treasure in Sleeping Beauty's castle and claim that kingdom for his own.

Again, it's never exactly clear how much this neighbouring territory knows about the curse on King David's land or the power of the wicked sorceress Tambria who now rules (kind of) there.

Given that it's just "over the mountain" from Jayson's realm, the general knowledge of the whole "asleep for a century" scenario seems rather vague.

Of course, Tambria isn't going to make things easy and throws a scaly pliosaur, a giant lizardman, a legion of shadowy wraiths and a never-ending army of zombies at the adventuring party that's coming for the treasure (and maybe the chance to snog a sleeping 115-year-old princess).

A particularly wonderful aspect about Jayson's loathsome cronies is, given that they are supposed to be trained fighters, just how cowardly they are. Their go-to tactic when confronted by any monster is "run away, run away".

The only one who shows the slightest bit of decency towards Barrow, and some backbone, is Gruner (Gil Kolirin) - who may be a commander or captain or something in Jayson's army, again it's not very clear.

The adventuring party gradually gets whittled down as they wander, seemingly aimlessly, around the same sections of castle and overgrown garden, until the final confrontation with Tambria.

By this time, Jayson has switched sides (or is he bluffing?), Newt has popped up and disappeared in a cloud of cryptic warnings several times, and Gruner and Barrow have bonded.

I'm not entirely sure who Sleeping Beauty is aimed at as there's some gore (Tambria pulling the head off of someone and dragging out their spine comes to mind) and an uncomfortable, rape-threat moment where a couple of brothers in Jayson's gang discover a magically sleeping servant woman in the castle kitchens. Thankfully Barrow steps in before that goes too far.

There's certainly an attempt at a Dungeons & Dragons vibe in the latter stages of this movie (torch-lit exploration, traps etc), but despite constant references to Barrow's map, there's never any real feeling that the adventurers are navigating a convincing, contiguous environment.

One minute they are stuck on one side of a lake, the next there's a bridge; they talk about going to certain places, but are next seen elsewhere.

This also isn't some hallucinogenic, dreamscape either, but simply a combination of poor directing, editing and scriptwriting.

The low-budget monsters aren't too bad though; the giant lizardman (despite being a cheap CGI creation) is quite interesting and the various undead have the added bonus that Tambria keeps resurrecting them every time they get nobbled.

As well as the many, many plot holes in the story (some of which I've alluded to above), more often than not the dialogue is delivered in quite mannered ways; now I'm not sure if this is director Van Dien trying to create a "fantasy Medieval" ambience but it doesn't really work.

Budgetary limitations abound in this version of Sleeping Beauty (there's no big dragon showdown at the end, for instance) - both in the effects and script - but it's an okay way to pass 90 minutes, if there isn't anything better on TV.

THROWBACK THURSDAY: When We Got A Games Table!

At last, my chance to go full Eddie!

Thanks to my amazing, hard-working and supportive wife, Rachel, we acquired a games table in December, 2022.

It's something I'd yearned for ever since learning they were a real 'thing; and finally it was mine... er... ours.

Rachel has long said we needed a new dining table and I managed to persuade her that she should spend her bonus on a games table, which would then double as both dining table and venue for the Tuesday Knights and I to sling dice.

I did a ton of research, we measured a lot, drew up plans, found a UK company that specialised in games tables (Geeknson), asked a lot of questions, and finally pulled the trigger on a bespoke design back in late July/early August of that year.

The table arrived, and was unwrapped, just before Christmas, but I'd kept shtum on my "secret weapon" so that the Tuesday Knights would be the first to see it, in person, at that January's session of Pete's Hollow Earth  Expedition campaign (see below).

However, that didn't stop me 'playing' with it beforehand, for an Eddie Munson-esque "photoshoot" of an imaginary game of Dungeons & Dragons featuring the characters from the '80s cartoon as the protagonists, caught between a demonic flying creature and a warband of orcs.

I have such dreams for this new addition to the house that will justify the expenditure of Rachel's hard-earned cash on my geeky dream.

Presto the magician blasts the demon, as the evil gnome sorcerer cackles

Eddie does it much better than me, but you get what I was going for!

Gamesmaster Pete goes high-tech, flipping his tablet screen over the wooden GM screen
attachment to present us with a slideshow introduction to the adventure

A lot happened as always in that night's episode of Pete's pulp Hollow Earth Expedition campaign (which, by 2026, has morphed into an OUTGUNNED game), but here's a "picture special" of The Tuesday Knights enjoying their first meeting around the new games table.

Afterwards, Clare wrote the following about the table in her daily blog (now a Substack) of positive moments, Three Beautiful Things:

"I am so astonished by Tim's new gaming table -- which he has been keeping a secret since it was ordered in the summer -- that I gasp at each new revelation. First the top lifts off; next there's a green baize playing surface... that could be lifted off to reveal a map table... and then there are extra little tables to attach for your drink and your notebook; and a special desk for the GM, too. The whole smells pleasantly of new wood and polish."

Me using the "player's side table attachment" feature for my dice and notebook

Pete, at the head of the table, liked having a wooden screen and his own tray for dice, notes etc

An impromptu shoot-out in the back streets of 1930's Rio puts Oynx (Mark's character)
and Freya (Clare's character) in the firing line.

Here's me making full use of the "cup holder" feature

The morning after and the table had transformed back into a dining table

EPISODE FOUR: Plane Sailing

Our heroes in their seaplane

[Unfortunately, Mark was unable to attend last night's game; his one request was that his character, our pilot Onyx, stay with our plane. However, what we couldn't have known was that almost the entire episode took place within the seaplane... and Onyx - run by committee - turned out to be our MVP!]

Picking up from the end of the previous episode, our heroes - Buck (my explorer), Freya (Clare's photojournalist), Dick (Kevin's ex-G-man), and Onyx (Mark's pilot) - launched our seaplane in pursuit of the giant Nazi zeppelin.

The Hindenburg-sized airship was heading towards the co-ordinates we had discovered that we believed revealed the location of the mythical island-state of Atlantis!

Our foes didn't know that we had the location as well - thanks to some clever thinking by Freya - and so I advised veering off to refuel at an airbase of Oynx's choosing, then beating the enemy to the secret location.

However, that option was quickly taken off the board when two Luftwaffe planes (launched from under the airship) came diving towards us, intent on shooting us down.

As our plane was unarmed, Buck leaned out of one of the rear doors - secured by a seat belt  and with Dick helping him steady his aim - and started to open fire with his hunting rifle.

Our plane took some hits in the attack, but I managed to take out one of the pilots so that he crashed his plane into the ground. 

The zeppelin

Evading the other, Oynx - assisted by eagle-eyed Freya - then spectacularly flew our plane up and into the aircraft hanger underneath the zeppelin... surprising the two mechanics working in there.

Still secured at the back door of our plane, Buck shot one of the technicians in the knee, taking him out of action, while Dick and Freya rushed out and assaulted the other. Dick delivered an impressive uppercut, K.O.ing the man instantly.

Pete's hasty map of the hangar underneath the zeppelin

Convinced the Nazis were unaware of our presence, we secured the hangar, tying up the two unconscious men and hiding them behind some crates. Dick barricaded the portals at either end of the large room, so no one could get in, then we set to work manoeuvring our plane so that it was ready to eject when the moment was right.

Several hours passed and we saw that the zeppelin was now sailing over the Mediterranean at night, heading towards a mysterious bank of clouds.

At this point, we could hear people banging on the doors - trying to get in - and so it was clearly time, as the airship entered the fog bank, to drop out of the hanger and see where we were.

I'm not sure we really expected to see the ancient city of Atlantis floating on the stormy sea in front of us!

ATLANTIS! ATLANTIS! ATLANTIS! (it's only a model)

TO BE CONTINUED...

CAST:

• Buck Hannigan - Me
• Freya Larson - Clare
• Dick Tate - Kevin
• Onyx Jones - Mark (absent)

DIRECTOR:

• Pete

Buck & Dick (top) and Onyx & Freya (bottom)

If you want to keep abreast of the action in our current season of Pete's Weird Science campaign (currently using the OUTGUNNED ADVENTURES system from Two Little Mice)
then visit this page to find links to all our previous episodes.

"We Are Gathered Here Today To Geek Out!"

Me with The Real Kent Ghostbusters at Geek Mania in Tonbridge

Today Rachel and I attended the first Geek Mania show (convention? gathering?) at the Angel Centre, Tonbridge, and it was magnificent.

There were stalls selling books, games, artwork, badges, dice, LARPing gear, and trading cards (so many cards), as well as participation tables for 5e Dungeons & Dragons, various shades of Warhammer, card games (so many cards), Beyblades, figure painting, a lightsaber training academy, and probably other things I missed.

A selection of the amazing props brought along by The Real Kent Ghostbusters

Rachel and I posing with Slimer

I'd really hoped to get Rachel into an "introduction to Dungeons & Dragons" session, but we were there around 11.30 and the tables had proved so popular that the first available slot was 2.30pm... and it was unlikely we'd still be around then (as I have limited reserves of stamina).

The participation tables were packed from the moment we arrived, and just got busier

These were the lightsaber tutors, but they mainly ran classes for younglings through the day

The vibe of the whole show was very welcoming and everyone we spoke to was incredibly friendly, delighted we were there, and happy to talk about whatever geeky niche was their forte.

There were cosplayers - always happy to pose for pictures - and LARPers, with a vast selection of costumes, masks, and boffer weapons for sale. 

I achieved a lifelong ambition and purchased my first pair of elf ears! 

Incredible array of costuming and weaponry from Gem's Trading Company 

"You've made an old man very happy," I told the lady who sold me these ears!!!

I strongly suspect I was one of - if not the - oldest people there (knocking on the door to sixty this year), but it didn't matter. There was a youthful, positive atmosphere that I hope translated into cash in the pockets of the organisers so that this will become a regular event.

Geek Mania was the brainchild of Planet JJs Geekery, which, in very real terms, is close to being at the bottom of our road (although too far for me to walk there and back, sadly).

I really must try and get signed up for regular RPG events at the store, which I have to confess we've only actually been in once. Rachel is supportively offering to be my taxi to and from the store if I join their "club".

I also believe that Geek Mania being organised locally is a massive plus for the future of the show, as there's an automatic community investment here.

Either side of the Pandemic, there were several attempts to make "comic-cons" a thing at the Angel Centre, but they never really took off.

Run by travelling groups who organise such events around the country, there was no great incentive to come back if they didn't rake in the cash they had been hoping for at the first attempt.

That said, Geek Mania was definitely busier than any of the "comic-cons" I've attended at the Angel Centre over the years.

Overall, Rachel and I stayed for about an hour-and-a-half, which wasn't too bad by my usual variable health standards, only having to have a single sit down and cookie break.

Even though Pokémon is an alien language to me and seemed to dominate every other stall, I still managed to pick up some mighty treasures (as well as my ears) from the traders:

My Geek Mania haul

My first purchase of the day was a He-Man Funko Pop (because, like dice, you can never have too many Pops). Sadly, they were all out of Frieren-related Pops.

I was excited to find a couple of boxes of old 60s/70s pulp sci-fi anthology magazines on the floor of a bookseller's stall.

She very kindly picked them up and put them on the table so I could sort through them properly.

My main guiding principle here was looking for authors that Michael K Vaughan had mentioned on his Booktube channel, so that it appeared as though I knew what I was doing.

And finally I bought a cute little pocket zine from local artist Katherine Burgess, whose style and obvious talent made me wish I was producing a game - or a supplement - so I could hire her to illustrate it.

"Tonbridge. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."