Clash Of The Titans (2010)

The 1980's original of Clash Of The Titans may not have been one of the strongest of Ray Harryhausen's stop-motion sword-and-sandal epics, but at least it had charm and excitement going for it.

And the definitive depiction of Medusa!

The 2010 remake is sadly lacking in all of those areas, with the reworked storyline transforming a classic hero's journey into a collection of random happenstance with no overriding logic.

Sticking to the same basic plot - Perseus has to kill the Medusa and use her head to petrify the unstoppable kraken before it eats the princess and trashes the city - this version manages to hit a few key beats (e.g. the Pegasus, the Stygian witches and Medusa), but then throws out so much from the original that worked well (Calibos, for instance, is reduced to just another monster to be slain).

Even ignoring the blatant jibe at the original - when Perseus is told to discard Bubo the clockwork owl - Clash Of The Titans tries too hard to "be different" and ends up being drab and unengaging.

As Perseus, Sam Worthington again demonstrates the total lack of charisma he showed in Avatar and while much of the CGI is quite impressive for its time, there seems little attempt at maintaining an Ancient Greek verisimilitude (who, for instance, were the strange rock creatures riding the giant scorpions and why did one join Perseus' group for no apparent reason?).

With the filmmakers almost total disregard - bordering on contempt - for the source material, it would have only taken a bit of a nudge further and this could easily have become just another Lord Of The Rings-aping fantasy film, devoid of any Ancient Grecian trappings.

MOCKBUSTERS OF THE UNIVERSE!!!

A young man must use his untapped powers to fight back against an evil alien and their army, who will stop at nothing to take over Earth and then the universe.

The Asylum's Masters of The Universe mockbuster, Master of The Universe - starring Matthew Gademske, Morgan Flanagan and Jay Kramis, and directed by Marcel Walz - is released on Friday (May 22).

If nothing else, it certainly looks like they've upped their CGI game when it comes to spaceships and the like.

What Will We Find In The Backrooms?

A strange doorway appears in the basement of a furniture showroom.

Backrooms – In Theaters May 29.

A film by Kane Parsons, starring Chiwetel Ejiofor, Renate Reinsve, Mark Duplass, Finn Bennett, and Lukita Maxwell.

Azumi 2 - Death Or Love (2005)

Picking up from where the original left off, Azumi 2: Death Or Love sees the cute, young assassin and her one surviving colleague, Nagara (Yuma Ishigaki), heading off to slay the final warlord, the last of the troublesome triumvirate, whose death they believe will bring peace to Japan.

Soon, Azumi (Aya Ueto) and Nagara fall in with a Robin Hood-style bandit, Ginkaku (Shun Oguri), who happens to be the spitting image of Nachi, the beloved friend that Azumi was ordered to kill as the final part of her training (this is because Nachi and Ginkaku are played by the same actor).

Also joining their little gang is a zealous neophyte ninja, Kozue, played by the instantly recognisable Chiaki Kuriyama (from the awesome double bill of Kill Bill Volume 1 and Battle Royale).

Azumi's final mission proves to be her toughest as the last warlord, Masayuki Sanada (Toshiya Nagasawa) has gotten into bed - literally - with the head of a ruthless, and warmongering, ninja clan, a superhumanly fast harridan called Kunyo (Reiko Takahashi).

On one level Azumi 2 is more of the same as Azumi, although the blood-letting is considerably more restrained in this second film, but it still delivers a smart plot looking at honour, friendship, blind obedience, betrayal and the lengths some people will go to to see their mission fulfilled.

As before there are numerous glorious set-pieces, beautifully choreographed and shot, with the "poison spider web" in the bamboo forest being the most inventive.

While Chiaki's performance is, as usual, both memorable and menacing, the film - as with the first one - belongs to Aya Ueto, whose Azumi is one tough cookie who could give Buffy a run for her money any day. 

However, the two volumes of Azumi films share certain characteristics with the structure of Quentin Tarantino's two Kill Bill films; both have their largest and most gruesome fights at the climax of the first volume and their heroines have to carve their way through a number of sub-bosses before facing off against the final Big Bad at the end of volume two.

This final confrontation stands out not so much for the actual conflict but for the position Azumi is put in by her own side, when Sanada suggests he would be willing to withdraw his troops from the impending war if Azumi is left to face him in single combat.

Azumi 2: Death Or Love doesn't quite touch the giddy heights of the first movie, but is still a more satisfying conclusion to the tale than Kill Bill Volume 2 was to Kill Bill Volume 1.

Never Lose Sight of Hope, Even In The Darkest of Times

In the remote South Korea village of Hope Harbor, police chief Bum-seok (Hwang Jung- min) and officer Sung-ae (Hoyeon) are called to find a mysterious creature that has wreaked havoc on the village.

In the nearby forest, a coterie of hunters, including Sung- ki (Zo In-Sung) set out to track the beast and find themselves hunted instead.

But all is not as it seems, and perceptions can be misleading. What begins as ignorance plants the seed of disaster, escalating through human conflict into a tragedy of cosmic proportions.

The Battle for Eternia: Have You Chosen A Side?

VERSUS

The Greatest Science Fiction Movies of The 1950s?

Today, we’re heading back to the 1950s and looking at American sci-fi films that still feel important to the genre. Some are major landmarks, others are easier to overlook now, but taken together, they make a strong case for just how good this decade really was.

I cannot tell a lie: I love 1950's sci-fi movies, so this offering from the wonderful Luminism YouTube channel is pure catnip.

Azumi (2003)

While I enjoy anime as much as the next geek, nothing can beat the sheer visceral thrill of live-action comic book adaptations.

Serialised in comic form since 1994, Azumi is the ultra-violent tale of a teenage girl raised, with nine young boys, in a hidden mountain retreat to form an elite cadre of assassins to restore peace to Japan by killing off warlords who make trouble.

The two-hour movie starts slowly, and at first I wasn't sure where it was going. Then once the 10 assassins were exposed to their "final test" before heading into the outside world to complete their mission, I began to appreciate what a brutally clever film this was going to be.

Obviously it helps that Azumi herself (Aya Ueto) is very easy on the eye and let's be honest to most geeks there are few things hotter - besides our significant others - than an Asian lady with a katana!

And, yes, there is a lot of blood - more than a Victorian slaughterhouse - although few actual graphic wounds (one severed arm and a couple of decapitations that I can recall) but the swordplay and creativity of the stunts distracts from the red stuff anyway.

Azumi and her cohorts are tasked with killing three particular warlords, but to get to their targets they have to carve their way through hordes of samurai, ninjas and bandits in a variety of inventive settings and, often, massively outnumbered.

Mix this in with some incredible characters - the stand-out being the effeminate psychopath Bijomaru Mogami (Jô Odagiri) - and a thought-provoking plot and Azumi surprised me by quickly rising to classic status.

Tackling honour, friendship and the cycle of violence, the film certainly doesn't preach, instead choosing to serve up its lessons with a heavy dose of tomato ketchup through its morally ambiguous protagonist constantly questioning the veracity of her mission, but finding her heritage impossible to ignore.

For those who love their chanbara, I cannot recommend Azumi highly enough.

Okay, So Chat GPT Definitely Helped Me Here

I'm currently on a bit of a Greek myth kick when it comes to roleplayng games - inspired way more by Stephen Fry's quadrilogy of classy rewrites (Mythos, Heroes, Troy, and Odyssey) than Christopher Nolan's forthcoming movie.

For years, I've had this little itch at the back of my brain about a game that Gublin and I played a few times waaaaaay back in the 1980's, geared specifically towards roleplaying in the Greek myths.

But, for the life of me, I just could never remember anything else important about it. It was definitely Gublin's book, which explains why it wasn't so rooted in my memory, but I was sure it used cards and had an orange cover.

I know I cast some shade in the direction of AI the other day, but, eventually, I bit the bullet and fed what little I could recall into Chat GPT.

After about a half-a-dozen additional questions and clarifications (no, not a board game, video game etc) and wading through a lot of wild inaccuracies from my AI "assistant|", it finally directed me to Odysseus: Role Play For The Homeric Age.

Light bulb moment!

Written by Marshall T Rose, the game was published as a 32-page book, with cardstock inserts, in 1980 by Fantasy Games Unlimited (who, of course, also originally published Villains & Vigilantes which I would go on to play much, much more).

As soon as I saw the cover (pictured above), I knew I had found another - very small - part of my childhood.

I was also then able to find pictures of combat cards and ship deck plans that came with the game.

I've set-up an eBay search alert for the game, despite reading reviews that generally range from scathing to lukewarm. From what I've seen and read now, Odysseus appears to be an uncomfortable hybrid of clunky wargames rules (that that period was known for) and roleplaying aspirations, without much in the way of support.

No doubt this contributed to our games back in the day never finding their sea legs and becoming any sort of long-running campaign. At that time very little could compete with Advanced Dungeons & Dragons in our eyes.

I suspect that even if I can get my hands on a reasonably priced copy of Odysseus: Role Play For The Homeric Age it would be more for the nostalgia than as a potential game for the Tuesday Knights.

One of the deck plans - printed on cardstock - included in the game

Spider-Man: Behind-The-Scenes

After the record-breaking global success of Spider-Man: No Way Home, Spider-Man: Brand New Day marks an entirely new chapter for Peter Parker and Spider-Man.

Four years have passed since the events of No Way Home, and Peter is now an adult living entirely alone, having voluntarily erased himself from the lives and memories of those he loves.

Crime-fighting in a New York that no longer knows his name, he's devoted himself entirely to protecting his city — a full-time Spider-Man — but as the demands on him intensify, the pressure sparks a surprising physical evolution that threatens his existence, even as a strange new pattern of crimes gives rise to one of the most powerful threats he has ever faced.

A New Breed Of Zombies Is Shambling In From Korea

Horror master Yeon Sang-ho (Train to Busan) directs a new Korean zombie thriller starring Gianna Jun and Koo Kyo-hwan.

Professor Se-jeong (Jun) is thrust into a bloody nightmare when a rapidly mutating virus is released during a biotech conference causing authorities to seal the facility. Trapped inside with no escape, Se-jeong along with a small group of survivors must fight to stay alive while the infected undergo horrific transformations.

Colony (aka Gunche) is directed by Yeon Sang-ho, the man who brought us the epic Train to Busan, one of the definitive zombie flicks of the modern age.

This great-looking, two-hour long, new Korean-language zombie flick opens in American cinemas on August 28.

More Blood and Souls For My Lord Arioch!

Michael Moorcock's Elric may not have been my (post-Tolkien) introduction to the sword-and-sorcery genre (that honour rests with Fritz Leiber's Fafhrd and The Gray Mouser), it was Moorcock's work that truly shaped my taste in reading.

I haven't read any Leiber in an age, but I often revisit the twisted, hallucinogenic, weird fantasy adventures of Elric of Melniboné and The Young Kingdoms.

There's something about the succinctness of Moorcock's early tales of Elric and his soul-devouring sword Stormbringer that I've always found more enchanting than the doorstop tomes so prevalent today.

It was after years of reading Moorcock that I instituted my "Moorcock Rule" (more of a guideline)  that stated that a book REALLY had to work hard to justify itself if it ran longer than 150-200 pages. 

That said, I've never used the Young Kingdoms - nor any of the trappings of Elric's adventures (even Stormbringer, itself) - in my own roleplaying games. 

I don't own a copy of Chaosium's Stormbringer/Elric of Melniboné RPGs (1981 - 2010). I've looked into it in the last couple of decades but those books generally command silly money on the secondary market.

However, in recent weeks, both Goodman Games and Free League have announced they will be releasing games based on this IP next year (after crowdfunding campaigns).

Goodman Games is planning two different iterations: one using Dungeons & Dragons 5e and one using Dungeon Crawl Classics. While I feel the latter system is probably more suited to emulating the demon-fuelled magic of Elric's world, neither of these systems really tickle my fancy at the moment.

However, my interest is well-and-truly piqued by Free League's offering, Legends of Stormbringer, which will run on the Dragonbane engine. 

I know I keep saying I'm out of the buying new games side of the hobby, but to quote Michael Corleone in The Godfather, Part III:

"Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in."

Dragonbane isn't a game I'm particularly familiar with, except from second hand accounts which are a generally overwhelmingly positive... with a few minor niggles about some of the mechanics.

A translated version of Drakar och Demoner, a game system played in Scandinavia since 1982, Dragonbane's definitely been at the top of my "must check out the starter set" list since it was first released in English in 2023.

This recent announcement might be the nudge I "needed" to pull the trigger on yet another game that I may - or may not - run for the Tuesday Knights.

You can read about Free League's forthcoming Stormbringer offering (and a bit about Dragonbane) here.

WHO IS HE-MAN?

Figuring Out My Mummy Issues

It's a definite truism - and a meme - that as you grow older people are less inclined to ask you your favourite dinosaur (it's a diplodocus, by the way) but I've realised the same is true for your favourite monster. Specifically the original Universal Monsters.

I've been thinking about this a lot recently. Not sure exactly why. 

I'm pretty certain my friend, the author Charles R Rutledge would say Dracula, but I really had to put my thinking head on before it struck me which monster I'm most fascinated by.

The Mummy.

Although my favourite old Universal monster movie is, of course, the marvellous Bride of Frankenstein, the actual Bride is only really on-screen for around five minutes.

However, The Mummy is ubiquitous in films, comics, games etc. 

I even did a whole series of Show Me The Mummy movie reviews... and am planning a second such collection of write-ups in due course.

The Mummy was also a key antagonist in both issues of my DIY comic, Monster Mag, that I created as a youngling. For instance, in the first issue it easily defeated the Hulk! You can find issue one here and issue two here. 

From the Advanced Dungeons & Dragons
Monster Manual, pg 72

And I've always been a fan of mummies as monsters in the old school Dungeons & Dragons games of my youth (really must bring them back at some point!).

There were some grand pyramid-themed dungeons in old issues of the Judges Guild magazines around at the time.

But all this has culminated in Rachel buying me a most incredible present the other day: the Ultimate Mummy action figure of Boris Karloff's portrayal in the the original 1932 film.

After thanking her profusely, I excitedly told her I now had an excuse to pick up the Ardath Bey figure and the sarcophagus accessory pack!

There is a rule (well, more of a guideline) in this house that my action figures are "tolerated" as long as they are not kept in their boxes, but put out on display.

However, at the moment, I'm so in awe of my Mummy figure that I can't bring myself to open it quite yet.

I also think I might have a new idea for a theme for my protracted castle tower project as well (inspired by the Egyptian Collection at Lord Carnarvon's Highclere Castle [aka Downtown Abbey])! 

SO MANY DOGS!!!

I love Newfies - I just wish they didn't drool quite so much! 🤣

A cold wind blew us to Hever Castle yesterday for the return of Castle Canines (formerly Paws At The Castle).

This was the first time the venue had hosted its dog show in over five years (apparently there's a new management team in charge of the site) and it was clearly much in demand as, it appeared, probably more than 50 percent of attendees had brought their own dogs along with them.

In fact, Rachel and I were quite taken aback (in a good way) by the sheer number of dogs wandering the grounds. Neither of us had ever seen so many pooches in one place... and yet Alice still managed to garner plenty of attention.

Our first stop was the 'meet and greet' with the giant Newfoundlands, who we would later see demonstrating their life-saving skills in the freezing cold lake.

Newfy water rescue demonstration

Then it was a general meander through the castle grounds, oohing and aahing at cuteness on display.

During our stay we spotted a former (human) participant in Channel Four's amazing series, The Dog House, as well as - no, honestly - an elderly duck that had appeared in the Disney live-action version of Beauty and The Beast. It was that kind of wonderful, very British, very random event.

The huskies were very chilled

The weather wasn't a friend to the poor people serving puppy ice creams and desserts

However, mid-afternoon, the heavens opened signalling a mass exodus from Castle Canines. We'd managed three hours though, with a lot of walking around and standing, and I'm pretty sure we'd seen everything we wanted to.

Hopefully next year the weather will be better for the dog show and it, once again, becomes a regular fixture of the castle's calendar of events.

It was also great to have simply gotten back to Hever Castle, having missed all of last year's events because of my stupid back problems.

A family portrait

Top Ten Ray Harryhausen Creations

In the week that marked the anniversary of his passing in 2013, what better time to celebrate the creations of the godfather of stop-motion: Ray Harryhausen.