SINBAD WEEK: Captain Sindbad (1963)

Today's Sinbad movie not only boasts a wonderful selection of low-budget magic but also an array of cheesy monsters, and a variant spelling of the protagonist's name.

Heading home to the city-state of Baristan after years of clearly successful "adventuring", the charismatic Captain Sindbad (Guy Williams, better known as Professor John Robinson from the original Lost in Spaces series) is looking forward to marrying the Princess Jana (Heidi Brühl).

However, he is unaware that, since he has been away, the wicked warlord El Kerim (Pedro Armendariz) has seized control and is holding the princess and the king, her father (Rolf Wanka) hostage, with the reluctant assistance of alcoholic court magician Galgo (Abraham Sofaer).

The change in Baristan's power dynamics is graphically demonstrated to Sindbad though when his ship is dive-bombed by a squadron of rock-bearing rocs.

He is rescued by passing fishermen, and eventually makes his way to the city where he reunites with his surviving crew members.

Gaining an "audience" with El Kerim, Sindbad runs the villain through with his sabre, only to discover that the usurper can't be killed!

Forced to fight an invisible beast in the city's arena (possibly the biggest anti-climax of the otherwise fun picture), Sindbad slips free and eventually learns that the secret to El Karim's invulnerability lies at the top of a tower on the far side of the desert.

He, and his men, must then race there to solve the mystery before El Karim executes the princess, who has chosen death over a forced marriage to the wicked barbarian.

Captain Sindbad is a fantastical romp that never really lets its foot off the accelerator.

Considering the limitations of low budget special effects, the sorcerer Galgo utilises a wide variety of magic through the 85 minute movie, mainly leaning towards shape-changing spells, and the monsters - if you are willing to suspend your disbelief - are generally fun.

It has to be acknowledged that the invisible "thing" is a major disappointment though, not because director Byron Haskin doesn't try to demonstrate its presence with green-sparking footprints in the arena sand, but because Ian McLellan Hunter and Guy Endore's script brushes it aside so quickly that it's not really the threat to Sindbad it could have been.

Overall, the effects certainly aren't up to Ray Harryhausen standard (for instance, Galgo, at one point, extends his arm magically... and I was reminded of the Mr Fantastic effects in Roger Corman's Fantastic Four), but at least they tried.

However, what sealed the deal for me was the amazing (if effects- and budget-challenging) final act, which, essentially sees the good captain and his crew thrust into an old school "fun house dungeon", complete with strangling vines, whirlpool traps, alligator ambushes, a 12-headed hydra, a massive tower to climb, and an enormous animated fist for Sindbad to fight as the "boss monster" of the dungeon.

Princess Jana, despite the spunk she shows in the face of El Karim's threats, is rather lacklustre.

The princess aside though, this film is filled with interesting supporting characters, from the assortment of rogues in Sindbad's crew, to El Kerim's number two (Henry Brandon), who tries to act as the voice of reason, curbing his commander's more brutal excesses when he can.

But the breathless pacing from War of the Worlds' director Haskin means that while this isn't exactly high-brow fare, it's certainly colourful and surprisingly good family entertainment.

DEATHSTALKER WEEK: Barbarian - The Last Great Warrior King (2003)

A strange one this, although you'd expect nothing less coming from the stable of Roger Corman.

The 2003 movie Barbarian (with its totally meaningless subtitle of The Last Great Warrior King) attempts to be both a remake of, and a sequel to, the original Deathstalker (although without mentioning the name Deathstalker at all).

The protagonist of this 90-minute oddity is not only trying to retrieve the same three magic items as Deathstalker did (the Sword of Justice, the Amulet of Life and the Chalice of Magic), but is also facing a villainous wizard of the same name, Munkar, who has - once again - organised a tournament to find the best warrior in the land.

The faux Deathstalker here is the most-well groomed barbarian in cinematic history Kane (former Mr Universe and American Gladiator Michael O'Hearn), a love 'em-and-leave 'em wandering rogue who - for some inexplicable reason - gets drawn into saving the princess (Irina Grigoryeva) and restoring her father King Kandor (Yuri Petrov) to the throne after he was usurped by Munkar (Martin Kove of Cobra Kai, Karate Kid and Cagney & Lacey fame).

However what makes Barbarian its own, bizarre, entity is the introduction of Kane's sidekick, Wooby (Yuri Danilchenko), a cross between an ewok and a child in a rubbish Cowardly Lion Halloween costume, who squeaks and wobbles his way through the plot until the movie's climax, where he disappears and is never heard from again.

A bevvy of Ukrainian lovelies add the eye-candy and random topless moments, although as well as recycling the plot of Deathstalker, Barbarian also digs up vast tracts of old footage from the original film - mostly around the all-important banquet/orgy scene where not only does the Pig-Man appear once again but we also get the strange sight of the true Deathstalker (Rick Hill) watching the events unfold from the side-lines as well as a return appearance by Codille (Barbi Benton)!

However, this is even more surreal as an opening exposition flashback suggests that the events of Barbarian take place generations after Deathstalker - the "timeline" is even broken up with images of Roman soldiers - although there is never any suggestion that Barbarian is supposed to take place on our world!

For all this random weirdness, lacklustre dialogue and variable fight choreography, Barbarian still stands head-and-shoulders above Deathstalker II - Duel Of The Titans and that's even factoring in Wooby, who I'd heard was on a par with Jar-Jar Binks.

I'd take Wooby any time over Jar-Jar, at least he has some uses (he knows healing magic and is probably quite warm for those long, cold nights out in the wilderness).

DEATHSTALKER WEEK: Deathstalker (1983)

With a new iteration of Deathstalker for the 21st Century recently released Stateside on home video, it's time to revisit its progenitors.

Deathstalker, a cornerstone of my old VHS collection at university, is one of those classics of the low-budget sword and sorcery genre that is so truly awful that it is awesome.

The plot - what there is of it - sees the titular Deathstalker ("Mr and Mrs Stalker, do you really want to name your newborn son Death?"), played by Rick Hill, on some half-baked quest to find a magic sword (which is in the first cave he stumbles across) and then kill an evil wizard, Munkar (Bernard Erhard), who has taken over the kingdom.

Hef's ex Barbi Benton pops up as Princess Codille, daughter of the rightful king (not that that is really important) and demonstrates quite ably why her true vocation lay in the pages of Playboy.

Female nudity is pretty much a given in this type of film and Deathstalker is overflowing with buxom young ladies willing to disrobe.

Story, however, in this Roger Corman-produced "classic", isn't as evident. Things just seem to happen for no apparent reason, such as the whole "boy who is not a boy" prophecy sequence where Mr Stalker is turned into a kid for about two minutes.

And you've got to a love a film that ends with the hero seemingly blowing up!

Deathstalker may be bad but it's never dull. There's enough cheesy dialogue, portentous music, shaky scenery, severed limbs and general madcap rough housing to keep most viewers' attention.

And you've also gotta respect the warrior-woman Kaira (Lana Clarkson, who was shot and killed by music producer Phil Spector in 2003, had quite the track record for playing these proto-Xena roles) who not only disdains armour but any more clothing than a cape when she's off adventuring.

HALLOWEEN HORROR: The Gorge (2025)

To date, I've pretty much loved everything I've seen on Apple TV: the puzzle box that is Severance is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, one of the best TV shows ever; Slow Horses is near-perfection; the retro-futurism of Hello Tomorrow is wonderful; The Morning Show is great, engaging drama; and Monarch: Legacy of Monsters is a fascinating insight into the kaiju-filled world of the Monsterverse.

So, I wasn't worried clicking on The Gorge, especially as it has the added bonus of starring the flawless Anya Taylor-Joy who is incapable of making a bad movie. Even her co-star, Miles Teller (despite appearing as Reed Richards in the worst Fantastic Four movie of all time... and, yes, I'm including the unreleased Corman version), is generally seen as a safe pair of hands.

I couldn't have been more wrong. 

The Gorge is two hours and seven minutes of utter tedium. Our stars are a pair of elite snipers - Levi 'Married To His Job' Kane and Drasa - tasked with guarding a mysterious, smoke-filled, gorge and preventing whatever is down there from getting out.

Each stands guard in a tower on either side of the gorge, both forbidden to communicate with the other side.

The trouble from the get-go is that both characters are walking clichés (very early on Teller's Levi is sitting on a beach, cuddling a random dog, and I said to myself: 'I bet he writes poetry'... and an hour later, when Levi and Drasa finally get to meet he starts telling her about his poetry).

But it's also very obviously slightly racist/sexist because while both are supposedly the best at what they do, the implication is that Levi - representing America - is slightly better than - not-America - Drasa (who doesn't even warrant a surname), has slightly better technology, and so on.

For the first, painfully long, hour the couple are getting used to their new jobs and, as the months pass, starting to break the rules and communicate across the gorge.

This segment could easily have been compressed into 15 or 20 minutes, which might then have made what follows a bit more bearable.

Eventually, after a sneaky romantic rendezvous, they find themselves in the gorge, getting to the bottom of the mystery.

The trouble is there's a very strong chance that if you'd been thinking about what might be going on yourself you probably would have come up with something way more interesting than the 1950's B-movie explanation we get served up with.

At one point, I'd even wondered - when they were fighting giant insects - if The Gorge was somehow connected to Monarch: Legacy of The Monsters. But no such luck.

And the thing about the monsters our heroes find hidden in the mists is that we don't see enough of them. Perhaps horror-leaning director Scott Derrickson (Doctor Strange, The Black Phone) should have put more focus on the critters and less on the turgid banality of the padded first act.

There is absolutely no need for this Asylum-movie-on-an-Apple-budget to have been over two hours long. An hour and a half would have been fine and might have kept the pace (and my engagement) up a bit more. 

It's not that toothless creature feature The Gorge is really that bad, it's more a case that there's nothing memorable about it, from its generic stunts and forgettable monsters to its uninteresting explanation and predictable resolution.

The Raven (1963)

Having been turned into a raven by the leader of his order of magicians, Dr Adolphus Bedlo (Peter Lorre) convinces fellow sorcerer Dr Erasmus Craven (Vincent Price) to aid him in his revenge on Dr Scarabus (Boris Karloff) by letting slip that he saw Craven's dead wife Lenore (Hazel Court) at Scarabus's castle.

Accompanied by their children, Estelle Craven (Olive Sturgess) and Rexford Bedlo (Jack Nicholson), the two wizards take a hairy carriage ride to their foe's castle, only to find him warm and welcoming.

However, all is not as it seems, as Scarabus has orchestrated this meeting for his own devious ends.

Inspired by Edgar Allan Poe's famous poem, The Raven, with a script by I Am Legend author Richard Matheson and directed by producer Roger Corman, I had high hopes for this horror-comedy, renowned in gaming circles as Gary Gygax's inspiration for a number of old school Dungeons & Dragons spells (such as 'magic missile').

Boy, was I disappointed.

I don't think it was simply a case of the humour not ageing well, more like the fact that the whole affair came across as rather infantile in its forced attempts at japery; so much so that I was constantly reminded of being dragged to see puerile pantomimes as a kid (and I loathe pantomimes).

The Raven just isn't as funny as it clearly likes to think it is and you could almost hear the ba dum tsh drum sting after every supposedly amusing piece of childish clowning.

The antagonism between the sorcerers comes to a head in a protracted, wordless duel pitting the powers of Craven against Scarabus.

Sadly, this sequence also failed to live up to expectations - partially because of the dated special effects but primarily because there was no sense of jeopardy as the whole thing was being played for cheap laughs.

Hamstrung by extreme silliness, The Raven is not one of Corman's best offerings and there are plenty of other far better horror-comedies or comedy-horrors out there to pass 83 minutes of your time with.

The Fantastic Four: First Steps (2025)

I've been reading the Fantastic Four for over 50 years and have seen all the previous movies (even the unreleased Roger Corman version), but the latest offering from the official Marvel Cinematic Universe is - beyond a shadow of a doubt - the most comic book accurate to date.

Taking place on an alternate Earth to the main Earth-616 of the MCU, Fantastic Four: First Steps introduces us to the planet's heroes - Reed Richards/Mr Fantastic (The Mandalorian's Pedro Pascal), his wife Sue Storm/The Invisible Woman (Napoleon's Vanessa Kirby), Sue's brother Johnny Storm/The Human Torch (Stranger Things' Joseph Quinn), and family friend Ben Grimm/The Thing (The Bear's Ebon Moss-Bachrach).

In fast order, a chat show - hosted by Mark Gatiss - summarises the team's origin story and gives us a good look at the retro-futuristic 1960's world the team inhabit.

Soon after Sue reveals to the team that she's pregnant, Earth-828 is visited by the alien herald known as the Silver Surfer (Ozark's Julia Garner) to tell everyone that the planet has been selected as the next meal for the ever-hungry extraterrestrial "god" known as Galactus (The Witch's Ralph Ineson).

Naturally, Reed and co. want to prevent this and travel back out into space to try and negotiate with Galactus. 

The incomprehensible space kaiju, seated in his cyclopean planet-devouring spaceship, offers them a trade: it will spare the Earth if Reed and Sue give him their child, who Galactus says is a powerful cosmic being and the only creature that can take his place.

Of course, the Fantastic Four refuse this deal and head back to Earth, with the Silver Surfer and Galactus in pursuit across the vast expanse of space.

Once home, the people of Earth are initially angry at our heroes for turning down the offer that would have saved them all, but nevertheless the Fantastic Four knuckle down and try to come up with a scheme to dispose of Galactus and save the world.

With influences from classic science fiction films such as 2001: A Space Odyssey and numerous period B-movies, Fantastic Four: First Steps has more of a pure pulpy sci-fi feel than any previous MCU offering and, to my tastes, is all the better for it.

Kudos to director Matt Shakman (of WandaVision fame) and scriptwriters Josh Friedman, Eric Pearson, Jeff Kaplan and Ian Springer, for channelling the spirit of the original Fantastic Four comics by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby (there's a lovely explanation at the end of the credits tying Kirby to the choice of Earth designation).

I might have tweaked the look of a couple of the supporting members of the cast, but that's trivial compared to how much of First Steps is just so right in the eyes of this life-long Fantastic Four fan.

I cannot stress enough how "comic book" this film is. I nearly cried a number of times because it was so perfect, and the rest of the time I was either grinning from ear-to-ear or my jaw was on the floor from the sheer awesomeness and grandeur unfolding before me. 

For my money - although I'm obviously biased - Fantastic Four: First Steps is the best Marvel movie yet, perfectly encapsulating why I've always loved this team of characters as well as dropping multiple breadcrumbs and potential plot hooks for future movies.

We're going to have to wait until the end of next year and the release of Avengers: Doomsday though before we see the team again.

Although I can't wait for the home video release and the film's appearance on Disney Plus to watch it again... and again... and again.

I'd booked cinema tickets for Rachel and I to see Fantastic Four: First Steps weeks ago, prior to the whole "losing the power to walk" nonsense, but a kind attendant in the foyer of The Odeon (Tunbridge Wells) today swapped them for two spots in the third row. One was a place for me to park my chair, the other was an adjacent sofa seat for Rachel.

Naturally, she turned it into a comfortable bed and slept through about an hour in the middle of the movie - as is her wont. 

Rachel on her comfy sofa, next to me in my wheelchair slot

Having spied some Fantastic Four-themed merch on the way in, after the movie I was directed to the food counter where I was able to order an empty drink container and popcorn bucket (not that I eat popcorn).

Rachel had agreed to pay for these treats, but we both realised my "schoolboy error" in ordering them without asking the price. Both items were way more expensive than we'd naively imagined, but Rachel kindly got them for me anyway.

Back home, showing off my unexpectedly expensive Fantastic Four merch

Galaxy Of Terror (1981)

Recommended to me by my good mate Paul, Galaxy Of Terror is a slightly bonkers, early '80s Alien-wannabe, produced by the legendary Roger Corman and resplendent in that "they're making this up as they go along" feeling that he always brings to his movies.

In an alien galaxy, there is a world ruled by a glowing-headed dictator known as The Master (a very natty special effect, it must be said, and a character that has nothing to do with Doctor Who), who hand picks a miss-matched team of astronauts to embark on a rescue mission to the desolate planet Morganthus - where an earlier ship has crashed.

The rescue team boasts a host of well-known performers: Erin Moran (Joanie from Joanie Loves Chachi and Happy Days), Robert Englund (Nightmare On Elm Street, V etc,) David Lynch-stalwart Grace Zabriskie, horror-movie veteran Sid Haig and familiar TV faces Ray Walston and Bernard Behrens.

Throw in some rubbery monsters and an unpleasant assault by a giant rape-maggot that ranks with the original Evil Dead's animated tree as just plain wrong, and it's no wonder this has become a cult classic.

To be fair it quite quickly shakes off its Alien aspirations as it heads more into pseudo-psychological territory somewhere between Shakespeare and Space 1999.

For a low-budget schlockfest, Galaxy Of Terror has some very impressive visuals: as well as the storm-lashed surface of Morganthus we are treated to the sci-fi/Dungeons & Dragons delights of the massive, maze-like interior of a pyramidal structure the adventurers have to explore to turn off the energy beam that caused them to crash-land as well.

And if that isn't enough of an incentive to track this B-movie treasure down (as long as you can stomach the giant maggot scene and a squirm-worthy moment involving a shard of crystal sliding under someone's skin) there's the added bonus that the film is only 81 minutes long.