Red Sonja (2025)

I'd put off watching Red Sonja for ages because I really, really wanted it to be a grand slice of sword-and-sorcery, but everything I had heard about it said it was awful.

If I remember rightly, the film had languished in post-production hell for (seemingly) years after it was shot, then suddenly popped up, got a single-night cinema release (I guess for legal or accounting reasons) and was then dropped on digital and solid media without much fanfare.

Things were not looking good, but I still held out hope.

And the thing, now that I've seen it, I wouldn't call it bad per se. But I couldn't, in all conscience, call it good either.

Red Sonja was created for Marvel Comics, at the height of their Conan boom in the 1970s. Although she treads the Hyborian Age lands of Robert E Howard's Conan, she was never a character in Howard's books. He wrote about a 16th Century warrior called Red Sonya. But there is no connection - except for red hair and a similar name.

Red Sonja is now a hugely successful character at Dynamite Comics, with several titles of her own as well as frequent transdimensional crossovers with other members of their stable, but still operating primarily in a version of Howard's Hyborian Age.

The film script by Tasha Huo bandies around names from Robert E Howard's adventure yarns of Conan The Barbarian, and I think there was even a half-hearted (and erroneous) nod to the Cimmerian warrior himself. 

But, Red Sonja never feels like it's part of an epic, sweeping world. It all feels rather small and ragtag, like a Roger Corman offering from the 1980s (but devoid of the raucous charm those films often had).

The scenery, both the Bulgarian exteriors and the (presumably) CGI fantasy locations and sets are all very impressive and certainly help create the mood for a fantasy movie.

It's just Huo's script and the direction of MJ Bassett that lets down the brave actors, who are coping as best they can with the material they have to work with.

After she survives the slaughter of her tribe by barbarians, Sonja (Matilda Lutz) grows up in an enormous forest, always looking for other survivors. I find it hard to believe, no matter how big this forest is supposed to be, that after 10 or 15 years she'd found no clues.

Eventually, she comes to the attention of the wicked emperor Draygan (The Umbrella Academy's Robert Sheehan) when she is captured and forced to fight in his gladiatorial arena.

Of course, she organises a rebellion and leads the gladiators to their freedom. They are pursued by Draygan and his army, which includes his consort, the highly-skilled ex-pit fighter Annisia (Krypton's Wallis Day), who is more adept with a blade than Sonja. 

And, honestly, that's about it for plot.

There's a bit about Draygan seeking the lost half of his ancient "book of secrets", which helps tie him (unsurprisingly) into Sonja's backstory. 

Despite what the Japanese film poster (below) may suggest, Draygan is not a wizard (which would have been way cooler) but some kind of techno-inventor. He's not quite steampunk, but he does create spikey Warhammer-like vehicles and mortars, which just feel incongruous in this setting.

Nature-loving Sonja has a special bond with her horse, which really reminded me of Brego and Aragorn in The Two Towers, but might also be a take on Geralt of Rivia and his horse, Roach, in The Witcher.

Like quite a lot in Red Sonja, this bond isn't really explained. And while some things work as a mystery, others need some degree of backstory.

For instance, there are a couple of great-looking ape-people in the film. And I liked the fact that there was no explanation of their presence, their species didn't even get a name. They were just part of the ensemble of characters.

We also can't overlook the nice gag about Sonja's infamous chainmail bikini. 

Towards the final act, Sonja undergoes a mystical transformation, truly becoming the She-Devil With A Sword we know from the comics - but really it's too late in the story.

This also really draws attention to the character's pre-transformation competence, the script never really gets a handle on how good a fighter she is supposed to be. Her skill with various weapons changing from scene-to-scene as the script required it.

However, upon her post-transformation return for the final showdown, she seems to have become almost a superhero (there's definitely a touch of The Crow in her face paint).

And, as with the bulk of superhero movies that follow this arc, it would have been far more interesting if she had been "powered up" from much earlier in the story. Gandalf didn't become Gandalf The White just for the Battle at The Gates of Mordor in Lord Of The Rings.

The fight sequences in Red Sonja are generally okay, but the majority of actual death scenes either happen off-camera, in darkness or hidden some other way. This isn't what the target audience for this genre of movie are looking for.

That being said, I was surprised at how touching and well-done the last moments between Sonja and Draygan were, as I'd been expecting her just to lop his head off.

However, Red Sonja's very final scene, set some time later, is a hilariously unearned attempt (imitating Marion Ravenwood's introduction in Raiders of The Lost Ark) to pry the door open for a sequel.

Don't hold your breath.

Japanese poster for Red Sonja

Re-Opening The X-Files

Being rather immobile at present (having apparently slipped a disc, and am waiting for a treatment regime from my GP), I've been watching a lot of TV from a recumbent position, either in my lounger or in bed (I can't concentrate/focus enough to properly read, which means a growing backlog of novels and comics). 

As well as new (to me) shows, like Castle Rock, returning on-going favourites like Murdoch Mysteries, Dexter and Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, classics like the BBC's Paranormal series and, of course, Ancient Aliens, I've also dug deep (thanks to Prime Video) and started watching The X-Files from season one, episode one.

By "sheer coincidence", the Amazon delivery guy turned up a few days ago with the first volume of this gorgeous X-Files tome, a stunning, hardback, faux replica of the titular X-Files themselves.

I'm a massive fan of "in-universe" books such as this, but The X-Files: The Official Archives is quite possibly the best-looking one I've seen to date.

This official book collates information (files, evidence, photographs etc) on 50 of the show's "most memorable" investigations relating to "cryptids, biological anomalies, and parapsychic phenomena". 

And if that wasn't impressive enough on its own, in May next year volume two arrives, dealing with "extraterrestrial activity and The Syndicate".

These are not only amazing reference books, but invaluable research material for an idea that's been scritching away at my brain since my serious, leg-related issues began and I realised I was (currently) unable to fulfil my gamemastering obligations for The Tuesday Knights. 

Honestly, I'm not sure how long I'll be out of action and our superhero campaign had already lost momentum and was faltering (for various real world reasons).

Pete has kindly offered to step in, when I feel like getting back to the table, as he has "an idea", which is always an exciting prospect as we had great fun with his 1950s GURPS game that segued into 1930's Hollow Earth Expedition. 

Perhaps, our characters will be "sliding" into the Victorian steampunk game he mentioned some time ago?

Or maybe it's something else entirely...

Django and Cullen Bohannon Have Moseyed On Up To My Door

Okay, so I treated myself to this swanky blu-ray release of the original Django this week.

According to one of my older review posts I first saw Django when I was at university, but I have absolutely zero recollection of that.

However, I guess, if you squint you can see some traces of influence in the Western movie script I wrote for my degree course.

I watched Django again, for the first time, the other week and was entranced by the violence and mud so prevalent in this once-banned spaghetti Western classic.

At the time, on Facebook, I wrote: "Oh, this was so good! [It] took a couple of unexpected turns along the way".

I'll probably write a full review of the legendary 1966 film when I see it next, now courtesy of this new blu-ray rather than Prime Video streaming. 

What I particularly love about this release is the inclusion of a Quentin Tarantino documentary - almost as long as the main attraction - in which the director sings the praises of Sergio Corbucci and explains elements and inspirations he drew from this work for his own.

On the gaming front, Django (complete with coffin) is available from Wargames Illustrated as one of its 28mm Giants In Miniature figures. Mine is off with Matt the painter at present, but I look forward to sharing him with you in due course.

Django - A Giant In Miniature figure

The blu-ray box set of the first season of Hell on Wheels arrived the other day.

My plan is, once I’ve finished my latest rewatch of Deadwood, to follow that up with Brisco County Jnr then start Hell on Wheels - which I haven’t seen since it first aired on TV.

I'm nearly at the end of Deadwood's second season - taking a break to watch other things when I finish each disc of the collection - so then it'll be the final season followed by the movie.

When it comes to 1993's The Adventures of Brisco County Jnr, the Bruce Campbell-fronted steampunky comedy-western, I'm not even sure I've actually seen the whole 27-episode season of that show before.

I'm looking forward to that as I seem to remember that while it lacks the horror elements there's a distinct Deadlands-style liberty taken with history (kinda giving it a Xena-like feel, but in the Old West).

Deadlands Resurrected!

Reminiscing about Deadlands earlier this year reignited my love for this game-changing setting. While I still have a number of my original books (from the pre-Savage Worlds era), I had none of the later Savage Worlds material... until today!

Although April is supposed to be my month of "no impulse purchases" (just a few pre-orders, like yesterday's Al Swearingen book), I couldn't resist this box set when it popped up in one of my eBay saved searches.

Although I've looked at Savage Worlds bits and bobs over the years, I've never really had a handle on the system or even considered presenting it to the Tuesday Knights as an option.

Rather "fortuitously" one of my last 'impulse' purchases, on the final day of March, had been the hardbacked core rule book for the latest iteration of Savage Worlds.

As my superhero campaign with the Tuesday Knights is just taking off, I have no immediate plans to switch horses midstream (let's see how the gang get on fighting villains on the streets of Knight City for a few more 'issues' first), but I'm glad to know I have this hefty Deadlands box set in my collection now.

Fit to bursting with cards, bennies (poker chips that act as "fate tokens"), a new set of dice, a map of the Weird West, ammo counter dials, a hardback setting supplement, and a solid gamesmaster's screen (with an adventure booklet), the Bay trader I purchased this off of hadn't opened any of the contents, so everything was still sealed in plastic.

I love games that go that extra mile and Savage Worlds has always seemed to thrive on its useful, additional widgets (cards, tokens, counters etc) to help gamesmasters and players (gotta love an "ammo counter dial"!).

Honestly, I'm not so into the steampunk of it all at the moment, but Deadlands remains one of the most influential creations in my roleplaying development - even if I've never actually played in the setting or run it - that I'm sure, if nothing else, it can help inform my Dead Man's Hand skirmish gaming plans.

Jonah Hex (2010)

To be fair the much maligned Jonah Hex doesn't start off too badly, but this sense of bon hommie fails to last through the opening animated credits when it becomes obvious that some idiot (almost certainly in a suit) decided that because Hex is a comic book character he must have a superpower!

Clearly no-one of any import in this production has actually read a Jonah Hex story or else they wouldn't have given him the mystical power to "bring the dead back to life" or screwed-up the movie's first, proper, Western gunfight with horse-mounted Gatling guns.

The handiwork of the daft suit(s) shows itself again when, clearly loving the 'hugely successful' Van Helsing, they felt it necessary to equip Hex with a range of bizarre, steampunky weaponry (because it also worked so well in Will Smith's Wild Wild West). 

The mystical element of the film is totally misguided, adding absolutely nothing more than further Sturm und Drang to obfuscate the fact that the film has little, or no, story - several flashback scenes are repeated to pad the film out and it still only runs to 78 minutes.

Like some mind-numbing Italian horror, much of Jonah Hex comes across as a series of random scenes thrown together at high speed, where the titular character (Josh Brolin) is moving from one place to another, with little explanation as to how this advances the main plot... until Hex finally confronts his arch-nemesis, Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich).

Megan Fox is in there as well, but her character - Lilah the soiled dove, supposed a love interest for Hex - is about as redundant as the lead character's newly acquired paranormal abilities.

Lilah's main purpose is to serve as a hostage and could easily have just been a stranger Turnbull had plucked from the street.

And there's some poppycock about Turnbull building a nonsensical superweapon, but, like pretty much everything here, it amounts to very little in the greater scheme of things.

Even taking the comic book source material out of the equation, Jonah Hex fails to engage as a fantastical western - The Adventures Of Brisco County Jnr, with Bruce Campbell, did it first, and way better, and on a TV budget.

Everyone associated with this mess of a film should be thoroughly ashamed of what they have produced, especially given what a classy, solid Western comic Jonah Hex was at this time.

It wouldn't have taken much brainpower to have just translated one of those storylines to the big screen.

But the "Hollywood suits" always think they know better!