Sorceress (1982)

In a rare break from tradition, the poster (also the DVD cover) for the Roger Corman-produced 1982 sword-and-sorcery flick Sorceress is actually surprisingly accurate.

All the characters pictured there - including the griffon/manticore creature, the ape-man, the snake and the fancy sword - really do appear in the story, to some degree or another.

However, it's been a long time since I've watched a movie that felt so much like its plot was being made up as it went along.

Evil sorcerer, and possible '70s sex cult leader, Traigon (Robert Ballesteros) has pledged to sacrifice his first born to the gods, in exchange for "great power". Only his wife gives birth to twin girls and refuses to reveal which was born first.

The realm's magical martial arts master Krona (Martin LaSalle) spirits the girls away, and leaves them in the care of trusted peasants, who raise them as boys!

Mira and Mara grow up to become Leigh and Lynette Harris, identical twin Playboy Playmates, who clearly weren't hired for their acting chops, but rather their willingness to disrobe when asked.

Honestly, they're young men... with breasts!

The girls - who think they are boys - are discovered skinny-dipping (of course!) by horny satyr Pando (David Milbern), the travelling companion of pseudo-Viking Baldar (Bruno Rey), who looks like he's stepped off the cover of a Dungeons & Dragons novel and spouts random Norse words as oaths.

Although Pando can only communicate through bleating and mime, he fails to tell Baldar that the girls are actually girls, so that when Baldar comes to them in the wake of their adopted parents' murder by Traigon's wandering warriors, he fails to see through their 'cunning disguise'.

Krona pops up again to dispense some words of wisdom, setting them all on a quest to defeat Traigon, before walking into the parents' pyre.

Arriving in the city, the adventurers meet an old friend of Baldar's, the pun-cracking, permed barbarian rogue, Erlick (Bob Nelson), who tags along to make up the numbers.

Casual nudity aside, there's a definite Dungeons & Dragons vibe to this yarn, as the core "party" expands, then fractures off into smaller units for side-quests, but it's also full of random fantasy names and verbiage that doesn't feel like world-building so much as obfuscation of the fragile main plot thread.

The Harris twins as Mira and Mara

Everything culminates in a grand fight in a crumbling temple - although there's a parallel, sub-surface dungeoncrawl by Baldar and one of the girls - which features explosions, duelling gods in the sky, and some pretty cool-looking zombie-mummy-ghouls that rise out of the ground to serve Traigon.

As the "two who are one", Mira and Mara share a psychic bond that is actually employed in the story, although it's most memorable use is during a 'comedy' sex scene that leads Baldar to initially think one of the women is being tortured.

Possibly because he is cosplaying as Sturm Brightblade from the Dragonlance Chronicles, Baldar, it has to be said, is the best character in the 83-minute movie, not only looking the part but also maintaining a heroic persona throughout.

For all its Corman-inspired cheapness, dodgy special effects, and musical score lifted from Battle Beyond The Stars, Sorceress does have an overall engaging look about it. As well as Baldar's 'authentic' costume, Traigon's forces all wear these (probably totally impractical) neat-looking beaked helmets, for instance.

Ultimately Sorceress (there is no 'sorceress' in this movie) isn't actually that bad, it just lacks a coherent story for its quirky characters to fully engage with, leaving much of what happens to come across as just a bit random.

Corman In Conversation

Roger Corman, King of the Bs, reminisces about his start in movie making. In this original archival piece from Ballyhoo Motion Pictures, Corman takes the audience through his humble beginnings (he studied engineering!), and how he broke into the 'movie making' business. This featurette originally came out on the Blu-Ray release of Monster from the Ocean Floor.

Ahead of my birthday in 2013 Paul got tickets for the two of us to attend a talk at the British Film Institute: Roger Corman In Conversation.

The legendary B-movie director/producer was interviewed by renowned film critic Kim Newman in front of a packed audience of fans - and Paul had snagged us tickets just three rows back from the stage.

For an 87-year-old Corman was spritely and full of anecdotes, well-spoken and erudite, interesting and engaging - with nary a bad word to say about anybody.

It was an hour-and-three-quarter presentation, broken up with a few of trailers and clips from Corman's early movies, rounded off with the last quarter of an hour (or so) being open to questions from the floor.

As it was a flagship event in the BFI's Gothic season, the conversation between Newman and Corman concentrated largely on his Poe films (Lovecraft even got a mention, but Corman was adamant that he was a Poe fan ahead of HPL), but touched on his later works, his involvement with the American counter-culture movement and the output of some of his more famous protégés (such as Jack Nicholson and James Cameron).

As often happens after listening to such a fascinating character, I came away with a mental check list of Corman pictures I needed to add to my "viewing wish list" while ones that were already of the list got a bump up now I knew some of the behind-the-scenes stories about their making.

Massive thanks to the crew at Film Masters for making the interview featurette available for all.

Vikings Versus The Undead In New Film Novelisation

"Smartly scripted and dripping with local folklore, Draug dishes up some unexpected moments of deliberate laugh-out-loud humour in early scenes that soon give way to screaming, insanity and dying as the adventuring party plunges deeper in to the legendary forest of Ödmården."

- my review of Draug

The unnerving, low-budget, Swedish swords-and-sorcery/horror film Draug has transformed into a novel, Draugr: A Viking Folk-Horror Saga, by the film's writer/director Klas Persson.

Published last week, the 351-page paperback (which is also available in hardback or as an e-book) is available from Amazon.

Set around a millennia ago, this is Klas Persson's debut novel, telling the story of a group of warriors searching the wilderness for a lost missionary, but instead discover they are being hunted by a supernatural terror.

There was a time when the pagan gods clashed against the new religion of Christ.

There was a time when the seid crones performed heathen sorcery inside their dusty hovels.

There was a time when the dark beings of ancient horrors still stalked the night.

In Viking age Sweden, a missionary bishop goes missing somewhere deep inside Eyeskogamörk, a vast forest that made a natural border between the South and the still pagan North.

To find him, or his murderers, they send Hakon Grettirson—famed warrior and lord of Sigtuna.

With him, he brings his troubled foster daughter, Nanna. Born in the dark North and plagued with visions and dreams of her pagan past.

This is the first time any of them will have entered these dark parts since the harsh Christinization attempts made years earlier during the reign of Anund Jakob the Coalburner.

Inside the darkness of Eyskógamörk they will both encounter the demons of their past. But also an ancient evil, lurking in the shadows.

The aptrganga

The walking dead

The DRAUGR

Meanwhile, the film's soundtrack is available to stream on a variety of sources, to give you the right atmospheric reading backdrop.

It Looks Like Robert Eggers Has Done It Again

Do not dread the darkness. Embrace it. Robert Eggers' Werwulf is only in theaters this Christmas.

Witness Robert Eggers’ most visceral and haunting experience yet. Focus Features presents Werfulf, a harrowing tale of devotion, damnation and the devil within.

From vampires (with Nosferatu) to werewolves, Robert Eggers, who was also responsible for the Lovecraftian madness of The Lighthouse, the disturbing VVitch, and the sword-and-sorcery Viking epic, The Northman - continues to make movies that are right in my wheelhouse.

In medieval Britain, a mysterious creature stalks the foggy countryside, transforming local folklore into terrifying reality as villagers face an ancient supernatural threat.

Outlander (2008)

Some ideas are so obvious - and brilliant - that you're surprised that no one has thought of them before.

As far as I am aware, Outlander is the first film to pit Eighth Century Norse Vikings against an extraterrestrial monster!

Jim Caviezel is Kainan, the sole humanoid survivor of a crashed spaceship in Norway, but he soon discovers that an alien Moorwen has tagged along - the dragon-like beasts that his race have been fighting - and it's rampaging around the woody neighbourhood.

Kainen is captured by Viking warrior Wulfric (Jack Huston) and taken before king Rothgar (John Hurt).

The "outlander" tries to convince the locals of the Moorwen's existence, but they prefer to blame the attacks on a giant bear.

Matters are further complicated by the return of Gunnar (Ron Perlman) and his troops, who believe Rothgar's men raided their village while they were away trading - little realising it was the Moorwen.

Rothgar's warrior daughter Freya (Sophia Myles, of vampire detective series Moonlight and Doctor Who's Girl In The Fireplace) takes a shine to Kainan, despite Wulfric's desire to have her, but Dirk Blackman and Howard McCain's script manages to sidestep the cliched love triangle sub-plot by, instead, focusing on the grudging respect that grows between Wulfric and Kainan.

Opening with suggestions of Predator and even the original Planet Of The Apes, Outlander quickly develops into a superb Dungeons And Dragons-flavoured "man against monster" movie and a strong contender for the title of Top Film Of 2009!

The excitement is non-stop, the battle scenes are superb, with just the right dash of gruesome (there's one particularly shocking decapitation which caught me by surprise) that culminates in a tense engagement between the Vikings - led by Wulfric and Kainan - and the Moorwen in the beast's charnel lair.

What helps to elevate this story above the usual fare though is the backstory of Kainan and the Moorwen which reveals that Kainan's people aren't really the "good guys" when you view the larger picture and it was their treatment of the Moorwen that provoked the whole situation in the first place.

There are a few minor plot wobbles along the way - Freya seems almost indestructible whenever she is cornered by the man-eating beastie and there is some ridiculously fast sword-making by the Vikings when they are preparing for the final showdown - but these are trivial issues compared to the sheer thrill ride of the movie as a whole.

Jim Caviezel is a solid action hero while the ever-reliable Ron Perlman and John Hurt both bring their A-Game in roles that were made for them.

A simple, without being simplistic, script, delivered by great actors on top form, aided by slick special effects and a particularly imposing monster, make Outlander's 110 minute duration pure entertainment of the highest calibre.

Jack The Giant Killer (1962)

The Prince Of Witches, Pendragon (Torin Thatcher), and his minions have been expelled from the Duchy Of Cornwall, but he is still craving dominance over the land and so uses a giant to kidnap princess Elaine (Judi Meredith) on her birthday.

His plans are thwarted though by farmer Jack (Kerwin Mathews), who slays the giant and rescues the princess. He is promptly knighted by the king (Dayton Lummis) and charged with the task of ferrying Elaine to a Normandy nunnery where she can be hidden from Pendragon.

Unfortunately, Pendragon learns of this plan from a traitor at court and sends a cadre of witches to ambush Jack's ship in the English Channel. Elaine is spirited away to Pendragon's island fortress and Jack is thrown overboard by the ship's mutinous crew.

He's rescued from the sea by Viking fisherman Sigurd (Barry Kelley), along with the ship's cabin boy Peter (Roger Mobley), and so the three, aided by Sigurd's "imp in a bottle", the leprechaun Diaboltin (Don Beddoe), sail to Pendragon's mysterious island to rescue the princess... little realising that she has already been transformed into a witch by Pendragon's dark arts.

Jack The Giant Killer reunited stars Kerwin Mathew and Torin Thatcher from 1958's The 7th Voyage Of Sinbad with director Nathan H. Juran and producer Edward Small.

However, even though Jack The Giant Killer uses extensive stop-motion claymation for its special effects this is no Ray Harryhausen picture. The monsters, on the whole, are serviceable, but the clay sculpts lack the detail of Harryhausen's superior work.

The script, by Orville H. Hampton and Nathan H. Juran, based on the folk tale of Jack The Giant Killer, puts an interesting spin on witchcraft that I've never seen before: it is akin to a form of demonic possession that can be placed on a person, wiling or unwilling, turning them into a witch.

The film's witches come in two distinct flavours: those who resemble humans (but whose true form is revealed in mirrors) and those who resemble demons, with the latter having a broader range of magical powers.

As is often the case, it's the villains that steal the show and Torin Thatcher is brilliant as the scenery-chewing, pantomime villain Pendragon, who continually mocks the Cornish king as he schemes to usurp the rightful ruler.

Jack The Giant Killer is very much a fairy tale story from simpler times, but makes for excellent family-friendly fare full of magic, monsters and romance.

Draug (2018)

In 11th Century Sweden, a party escorting a missionary goes missing when travelling through the enormous forest of Ödmården, which divides the north from the south.

A rescue party sets out, led by Hakon (Ralf Beck) and his foster daughter, Nanna (Elna Karlsson), on her first real mission and her first visit back to the region where she was born.

Entering the forest, the initial problems the group encounters are all-to-human bandits, but after that things take a darker, more supernatural turn, as they uncover the true fate of the missing Christian emissary and his escorts.

"Ödmården is an ancient forest on Sweden's east coast, traditionally dividing the north from the south.

It used to take several days to pass through. Outlaws formed bands inside the forest where they resorted to pillaging any travellers daring to pass the long dark.

Also beasts and bears and wolves were growling and howling inside the vastness of Ödmården, frightening the people living outside its borders and soon stories of occult and darksome origin arose from the area.

And they still do."

- from the film's official website

A low-budget Swedish film, the trailer and poster for Draug had led me to expect a cocktail of History's Vikings and The Blair Witch Project... and it was that, but more.

There was a definite element of Apocalypse Now/Heart Of Darkness - a theme addressed similarly in 2009's bigger budgeted Valhalla Rising - but also traces of The Descent and a splash of J-horror ghost stories.

The movie's small budget means there are moments when Draug resembles a high-quality LARP or a Nordic cosplay, but the actors and scenery bring a gritty verisimilitude that soon dispels those random thoughts.

Shot on location, the film is tense and atmospheric, and only occasionally confusing when there's a variety of things kicking off in the shadows of the dark trees.

While not overly gruesome, this isn't one for the faint of heart as it dabbles in some taboo subjects (such as casual torture and infanticide) and one character has a nickname that makes Preacher's Arseface seem socially acceptable.

Smartly scripted and dripping with local folklore, Draug dishes up some unexpected moments of deliberate laugh-out-loud humour in early scenes that soon give way to screaming, insanity and dying as the adventuring party plunges deeper in to the legendary forest of Ödmården.

Erik The Viking (1989)

It is the Age of Ragnarok, the skies are dark, and men are constantly at war with each other. Erik The Viking (Tim Robbins) is sick and tired of the endless cycle of marauding and looting to pay for the next expedition to go marauding and looting. He wants things to change.

Feeling guilty for the death of an innocent woman, Helga (Samantha Bond), he seeks the advice of mountain cave-dwelling soothsayer Freya (Eartha Kitt). 

Following her proclamations, he assembles a band of men to head to the mythical land of Hy-Brasil, to find a magical horn that will grant access to Asgard and the ability to awaken the gods, who will then drive off the giant wolf Fenrir that has swallowed the sun.

However, not only is the villainous Halfdan The Black (John Cleese) on his trail, but one of his party, Keitel Blacksmith (Gary Cady), has been persuaded to try and sabotage the mission by his weaselly assistant, the ominously-named Loki (Anthony Sher), because "Ragnarok is good for business". 

Unfortunately Erik The Viking, written and directed by Monty Python's Terry Jones (director of two of the greatest cinematic comedies of all-time, Monty Python and The Holy Grail and Life of Brian) is neither as funny nor as action-packed as one might have hoped.

Not to be confused with Erik The Conqueror or The Vikings, this archetypal British comedy-adventure embraces its Norse mythology wonderfully, yet through a cynical contemporary eye, giving the whole production a strongly surreal tone.

After an awkward pre-credits prologue that hasn't aged well, the story comes alive as we meet the violent Vikings of Ravens' Fjord and Erik sets about putting together his "adventuring party".

It's been decades since I'd last seen Erik The Viking, and the only thing I could truly remember from it was Erik's longship sailing over the edge of the world. And it turns out that, in reality, that scene is nowhere near as epic as the visuals in my head!

As you would hope from the genius of the late Terry Jones, there are strong moments in the 99-minute movie (such as his own performance as the King of Hy-Brasil that's classic Terry Jones, and the Christian missionary, Harald, played by Freddie Jones, who is oblivious to all the fantastical things Erik and his crew encounter).

There's also some delightful world-building, where Jones' academic side gets to shine, but all of this is  sadly few and far between.

Clearly there is ambition at play here, but the reality of Erik The Viking falls far short of its lofty goals, with a chaotic script devolving into a series of mildly amusing set-pieces.

Packed to the gunnels with a host of top-tier comedy thespians, there's an inescapable feeling that a film such as this should be more memorable than it actually is.

I guess I was expecting a bit more Python, maybe even a Viking-themed riff on Holy Grail?

The Blu-Ray of Erik The Viking, from Patriot, comes with - among its many extras - a 79-minute cut of the film, put together by Jones and his editor son, Bill, that supposedly distils the movie down to the creator's original vision for the story. So I guess I should check that out at some point. 

Erik The Conqueror (1961)

In the late Eighth Century, invading Vikings are driven away from British shores by the forces of King Loter (Franco Ressel).

However during the battle, Loter is assassinated by the machinations of treacherous Sir Rutford (Andrea Checchi), while the leader of the Vikings, King Harald (Folco Lulli) is also killed, stranding his two young twin sons, Erik and Eron.

While Eron is whisked away by his fellow Vikings, young Erik is left alone, floating in the sea, only to be later found and adopted by the widowed Queen of England, Alice (Françoise Christophe).

It has to be said that in the few shots of young Erik in the sea, child actor Loris Loddi looks genuinely distressed and it is actually quite upsetting.

The story then jumps ahead 20 years, and we watch as Eron (The High Chaparral's Cameron Mitchell, who has an air of Daniel Craig and early Robert Shaw about him) is named as Viking war chief to lead a mass raid on Britain, while simultaneously Erik (Giorgio Ardisson) is named Duke of Helford and leader of the English sea forces (to defend against the impending Viking invasion).

In their first sea battle, Erik's ship is sabotaged by Sir Rutford (who is pissed that Erik has taken his job, and has eyes on marrying The Queen in a power grab) and sinks.

Erik washes up on the shores of "the land of the Vikings" and is rescued by priestess Rama (Alice Kessler), the identical twin sister of Eron's beloved, the priestess Daya (Ellen Kesler).

Unfortunately, Erik is captured when he sneaks into Eron's wedding ceremony and mistakes Eron's bride for his own love interest.

Eventually, Erik escapes with Rama, and the kidnapped Queen Alice, makes it back to England where he teams up with some Scottish nobles to besiege the castle of the treacherous Sir Rutford.

Only to find Eron and his Vikings are already there, and seemingly in league with Rutford.

Not to be confused with Erik The Viking, Erik The Conqueror is a 1961 Italian rip-off the fantastic 1958 Kirk Douglas and Tony Curtis film, The Vikings.

Much to my surprise though, given that this is the work of Mario Brava, who is primarily known for his work in the overrated giallo genre, Erik The Conqueror is a pretty decent, low-budget swashbuckling romp. 

However, it veers way more towards fantasy than pseudohistory, particularly in its depictions of the Vikings, with their cavernous, subterranean palace and decidedly un-Viking "Vestal Virgins" (Brava clearly drawing on his Italian heritage here).

And while there are elements clearly lifted direct from the far superior earlier film, The Vikings - from the story of two estranged brothers to the climactic confrontation, and resolution - Erik The Conqueror also charts its own course on occasions or tries to obfuscate its lifts with minor changes (for example, the legendary axe climb of the original film is a ridiculous arrow climb here).

A fun, 90-minute non-stop action movie (with pretty decent dubbing on the English language version and glorious crisp imagery on the Arrow Video blu-ray), Erik The Conqueror is an enjoyable - very unhistorical and not wholly original - Viking yarn.

Hammer Of The Gods (2013)

Apocalypse Now meets Dungeons & Dragons in the brutal (if derivative) low-budget, Viking action flick Hammer Of The Gods.

Prince Steinar (Nashville's Charlie Bewley), arrives in England ahead of his own army, to meet up with his father, King Bagsecg (Game Of Thrones' James Cosmo), for a war on the Saxons - only to find that his father has already engaged in the enemy in battle and come off worse.

The dying king entrusts Steiner with finding his estranged first-born, the legendary Hakan (Da Vinci's Demons' Elliot Cowan), to take his rightful place at the head of the Viking hordes.

Steiner sets out with his best friend, Hagen (Clive Standen aka Rollo from Vikings), foul-mouthed berserker Grim (Michael Jibson), superstitious Jokul (Guy Flanagan), and his cowardly younger brother Vali (Theo Barklem-Biggs).

Along the way - like any good Dungeons & Dragons overland expedition - they have a series of random encounters (all resolved through the violence, of course) and join up with a friend of Hakan, Ivar The Boneless (Ivan Kaye aka King Aelle from Vikings) and his slavegirl Agnes (Alexandra Dowling aka Queen Anne from the BBC series The Musketeers).

Encounters with masked Saxons and party in-fighting see Steiner's adventuring group gradually  whittled down until he finally finds his mysterious brother - which is when things go really Apocalypse Now!

Hakan has 'gone native' - à la Colonel Kurtz - and is living in a cave with a mob of cannibalistic Picts who worship him as a god. He even has a scribe Ulric (Game Of Thrones' Francis Magee) on hand to record his proclamations, in homage to Dennis Hopper's photojournalist in Apocalypse Now.

Directed by Farren Blackburn (who gave us the awful Doctor Who Christmas Special: The Doctor, The Widow And The Wardrobe), Hammer Of The Gods does a pretty decent job of masking its budgetary restrictions by dressing up its action-driven plot with a general hand-wavy 'otherworldly' vibe.

That aspect doesn't work quite as well as in Valhalla Rising - which uses a very similar atmosphere for its own particular Viking take on Apocalypse Now and Aguirre, The Wrath Of God - but Hammer Of The Gods still delivers in the brutality stakes and a solid, unambiguous ending.

This isn't a cerebral meditation on life, fate and religion, but a well-acted, violent, low budget action movie about a band of Vikings on a cross-country quest for something other than treasure.

Valhalla Rising (2009)

Television's Hannibal Lecter Mads Mikkelsen is One-Eye, the Viking ultimate fighting champion, a mysterious mute slave so dangerous he has to be kept in chains at all times - even when he fights.

Eventually he escapes captivity and after exacting revenge on his captors he - and the young lad who has been looking after him (Maarten Stevenson) - fall in with a bunch of Christian Vikings heading to the Holy Land to liberate Jerusalem.

Unfortunately once at sea they become lost in a mysterious fog and when they eventually make landfall it isn't the Middle East but the brave new world of the Americas.

Valhalla Rising is not your typical Viking movie. Languid, episodic and mesmerising, with minimal dialogue, it has far more in common with Aguirre, The Wrath Of God (and, by extension, Apocalypse Now) than, say, Pathfinder or Outlander - even down to the harassment from unseen, missile-firing enemies.

Mix in One-Eye's bloody prophetic visions (which he can't share with anyone, of course) and the occasional reality-challenging montage, such as the sequence where the Christians appear to be attacking each other as One-Eye constructs an impossible pillar of odd-shaped rocks, and you have a film that is far more mystical than mainstream.

It clearly all means something but I'm not entirely sure what - perhaps Mikkelsen's one-eyed berserker is meant to represent Odin of Norse mythology and the young boy is Thor?

Valhalla Rising is definitely a DVD that will require a second viewing - but with the commentary track turned on.

What isn't in doubt is the gorgeous, but bleak, landscapes against which everything is framed. The harsh elements are as much a factor as anything else in this atmospheric drama, even to the extent that there are no buildings featured at all; the characters never have any form of comfort. There are also no women involved either.

Anyone coming to this expecting massive battle scenes, constant clashes between hordes of blood-soaked Vikings and a fast-and-furious action-adventure will be disappointed, but if you are open to something a bit different then you might find Valhalla Rising piquing your interest.

The Vikings (1958)

The Vikings, one of the most iconic movies from my youth, has been given a blu-ray upgrade in 2017, which I immediately pulled the trigger on.

While not laden with extras, it's still a worthwhile investment if you have such fond memories of this as I do.

Based on the 1951 novel by Edison Marshall and echoing the stories retold in The History Channel's Vikings series, this action-packed 1950's epic primarily focuses on the seething resentment between churlish and vain Einar (the immortal Kirk Douglas) - son of legendary Viking king Ragnar Lodbrok (Ernest Borgnine) - and strong-willed slave Eric (Tony Curtis).

Einar is already pissed at Eric for disfiguring his face (one of many stand-out moments in this marvellous movie), but then they both find themselves drawn towards the kidnapped English princess Morgana (Psycho's Janet Leigh), who is, in turn, betrothed to the odious King Aella (Frank Thring) of Northumbria.

Treacherous Northumbrian nobleman Lord Egbert (James Donald), a long-time ally of Ragnar, happens to know that Eric is actually the heir to the throne of Northumbria... as well as a son of Ragnar (and therefore half-brother of Einar).

He hopes to use this knowledge to his own advantage, while exacting revenge on Aella through Ragnar's Vikings.

Beautifully filmed in vivid Technicolour by Oscar-winning Sevenoaks cinematographer Jack Cardiff (who I interviewed while I was working for the local paper there), the Blu-Ray makes The Vikings look as fresh and new as possible.

Kirk Douglas has never looked more menacing, Tony Curtis more handsome, and Janet Leigh more gorgeous.

Supported by an incredible cast, with breathtakingly detailed practical sets, and shot at a variety of eye-catching locations around Europe, under the guidance of director Richard Fleischer (Conan The Destroyer; 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea; Fantastic Voyage; Soylent Green; Doctor Dolittle; The Boston Strangler etc), it's no wonder that this movie has stayed with me since I saw it on TV as a young kid.

As was the fashion with many vintage films, the ending is rather abrupt (once its central storyline has concluded) and leaves a lot of points unresolved that would have 21st Century audiences racing to the Internet to moan about or resolve through fan-fiction.

But this doesn't distract from the non-stop adventure that drives the narrative from the opening narration of Orson Welles to the final credits.

To modern sensibilities, raised on the likes of Game of Thrones, the largely bloodless fight sequences and the occasionally theatrical acting may feel a bit dated, but truly this is a wonderful, engrossing, two-hour historical romp.

And any gamer worth his salt, once he's seen Einar's "axe climb", will be wanting to recreate that sequence in his next Dungeons & Dragons adventure...

The 13th Warrior (1999)

Imagine, if you can, a film based on a Dungeons & Dragons campaign run by a gamesmaster whose favourite book is Beowulf and has just watched Zulu and the Seven Samurai.

That will give you some idea of the brilliant, OTT, wackiness of The 13th Warrior; the tale of an Arabian ambassador who teams up with some Viking warriors to fight "an ancient evil" which is plaguing an isolated village.

Based on Michael Crichton's The Eaters of The Dead, which itself is based on Beowulf, this tries to set the ancient mythical tale in a historical context by "explaining" the various creatures in "real" terms.

The village is being assaulted by the Wendol, flesh-eating creatures that attack in the night, out of the mist, and carry off the heads of their victims.

Ahmad (Antonio Banderas) and the dozen, mumbling, heavily-accented Northmen try to fend them off - then take the attack back to the Wendol's underground lair before provoking one, final attack by the beastmen on the village.

The story is all about the power of myth and being frightened of what you don't understand - the Wendol's main strength coming from their prey's belief that they are supernatural creatures.

The 13th Warrior is muddy, bloody and slightly bewildering as Ahmad's reasons for staying with the Vikings, who he has only just met, are never really made clear and one antagonist, in the form of the king's treacherous son Wigliff (Anders T. Andersen) vanishes from the story completely about half-way through the action!

The story suffers from the flawed internal logic of many Dungeons & Dragons' adventures - such as why is the village/kingdom of Hrothgar (Sven Wollter) located right next door to the Wendol's mountain base?

It's obvious, from the excellent expedition into the mountain sequence, that the beastmen have been there for a long time... that's a lot of heads they've collected! So why haven't the villagers just moved?

Much of the early fight sequences, because of the Wendol's night time tactics, are shot in the dark as well, which, while atmospheric, adds to the air of confusion and the general fog of war. Not necessarily a bad thing, but certainly something you need to be prepared for when sitting down to watch this.

SINBAD WEEK: Sinbad of The Seven Seas (1989)

As the original 1947 Sinbad The Sailor movie proved, you can make an excellent Sinbad film without Harryhausen effects as long as you have a great cast and script - Sinbad Of The Seven Seas has none of these.

I guess my spidey-sense should have been tingling by the mere sight of Lou 'Incredible Hulk' Ferrigno grinning on the cover of the DVD case.

And if not then, by the fact that the film opens with a contemporary framing device of an annoying  mother (Daria Nicolodi) reading her equally annoying daughter (Giada Cozzi), Edgar Allan Poe's The Thousand-and-Second Tale of Scheherazade (although Poe's story bears no similarity to this sorry affair).

So far, so Princess Bride. But the narration continues, even as the scene shifts to Sinbad and his multi-racial crew, and then it continues some more and it pretty much never stops throughout the whole movie!

And if that wasn't bad enough, all the dialogue by the main characters has been rerecorded and dubbed over - quite badly and quite obviously.

Not that the actors are that good anyway, nor do they have quality material to work with and little apparent direction from Enzo Castellari, master of the spaghetti western and director of the original Inglorious Bastards.

From start to finish, Sinbad Of The Seven Seas is a dreadful script performed by dreadful actors, with the only comparison I can make being the distinctly British tradition of pantomime. And like pantomime, unless you are under six, Sinbad The Sailor is - in equal parts - likely to bore you to distraction and have you laughing out loud at its awfulness.

The only performer to come out of this with any kudos is John Steiner as villainous vizier Jaffar, clearly the only one in on the joke, who is gloriously over-the-top and arch, switching between delightful smugness and being his own worse enemy. Not only does he tell Sinbad where he has hidden the magic crystals that Sinbad must track down but then, having summoned a magical storm to batter Sinbad's ship, he runs it ashore on one of the islands where some of the crystals are hidden!

Inexplicably Sinbad is joined on his adventures by a Viking (Ennio Girolami), a Chinese soldier of fortune called Samurai (!!!) (Hal Yamanouchi), effete prince Ali (Roland Wybenga) - who is to marry the caliph of Basra's cute daughter, Alina (Alessandra Martines) - as well as a bald chef and a cowardly dwarf called Poochie (Cork Hubbert).

While chasing after the magic jewels that Jaffar has scattered - like a pointless video game - they encounter a number of ludicrous obstacles, most of which are overcome by very bad fight sequences (Sinbad has an odd habit of throwing his sword away and simply wrestling whatever he is facing).

The only scenario that shows a bit of initiative is Sinbad's seduction by Amazon Queen Farida (Melonee Rodgers) and her ultimate comeuppance.

I can't even bring myself to discuss the surreal cameo by bodybuilder Teagan Clive as Jaffar's co-conspirator, Soukra, the S&M dominatrix witch, except to say, like the rest of the film, it will leave you perplexed, bemused and possibly in need of counselling.

Unless you are in a particularly masochistic mood, really love ultra-low budget bad movies or are aged under six, Sinbad Of The Seven Seas is best steered clear of.

When The Raven Flies aka Revenge of the Barbarians aka Hrafninn Flýgur (1984)

Having survived a Viking raid when his parents were killed and young sister kidnapped, Irish youth Gest (Jakob Þór Einarsson) spends 20 years planning his revenge.

Arriving in Iceland, it isn't long before he's Yojimbo-ing things up between his two targets, the blood-brothers Erik (Flosi Ólafsson) and Thord (Helgi Skúlason).

These Vikings had fled to Iceland with their men, to escape the wrath of King Harald of Norway after a failed coup attempt, so they're not exactly trusting to start with.

Gest very quickly starts playing them off against each other, and when one is killed you expect the film to be heading into its final act.

However, things get complicated when Gest discovers not only has one of the men married his sister (Edda Björgvinsdóttir), but also fathered a child, Einar (Gottskálk D. Sigurdarson) with her.

An almost legendary film that's hard to track down these days, When The Raven Flies goes by several names (the "When" seems to be optional in the main title, for instance), including Revenge of The Barbarians in the States and Hrafninn Flýgur in its original Icelandic.

Touted as the "most authentic Viking film ever", this Icelandic-Swedish co-production from 1984 certainly benefits from its shooting locations in Iceland, complete with black beaches and craggy hills; and unremitting weather, alternating between torrential rain and gale-force winds; as well as a cast speaking Icelandic.

But When The Raven Flies also owes a debt to the sword-and-sorcery genre so prevalent in cinema at that time, not that there's any magic or monsters in this one, but it has that gritty, Earthy, small-cast feel of so many similar cinematic stories featuring people swinging swords and axes.

While the overarching plot may not be that original - we've seen it played out with samurai, Wild West gunslingers, fantasy warriors, and gangsters - the Viking period, with its set attitudes to honour and ritual, gives it a fresh feeling.

The verisimilitude is heightened through the use of unusually-fashioned weaponry, which I'm presuming are the 'real deal' compared to flashier Hollywood armaments.

I also loved the fact that everyone rode the small but powerful horses native to Iceland, just adding another layer of authenticity to the drama.

The film is, naturally, violent throughout, but the bright red 'blood' - and avoidance of too much dwelling on injuries - lowers the gore factor down to almost Saturday evening family viewing.

Easy to root for, Gest is a pretty cool hero, armed with his spear-concealing shepherd's crook and an array of deadly throwing blades.

While he's barely set foot in Iceland before he's killing off bad guys, it's all part of a methodical, long game.

And I couldn't stop myself from making Batman comparisons (inspired by the murder of his parents before his eyes), even though it's never expressly stated how long Gest spent on his training and how long on actually setting his Machiavellian scheme in motion (we discover that it began quite some time before he arrives in Iceland).

Possibly because it's subtitled, I must confess at times I felt this 105-minute tale dragged a bit in the middle (there is an English-language cut of the film on the DVD, but that was about quarter of an hour shorter and I wanted the full experience).

However, the pay-off at the end is worth the time invested, especially as it sets up the potential for another cycle of violence... as happens with blood feuds.

When The Raven Flies turns out to be the first part of a Viking Trilogy, but, except for brief trailers on the disc, I know nothing (yet) about the subsequent films, In The Shadow Of The Raven and The White Viking.

I was lucky enough to snag a DVD - via eBay and shipped in from Germany - for just over £3, around a tenth of the price I've seen the film listed at (when it crops up on either eBay or Amazon).

If you like Viking films, then I'd definitely say this is one worth hanging on for, just be careful not to pay over the odds.

SUPERB OWL LX MOVIE TRAILERS

SUPERGIRL

THE MANDALORIAN AND GROGU

DISCLOSURE DAY

SCREAM 7

MINIONS & MONSTERS

EPISODE TWO: Fate Hangs In The Balance

Precariously suspended between a pillar of rock and one of ice, Erik The Red's Drakkar

Picking up from the end of the last episode, our heroes were confronted by the sight of Erik The Red's two-masted longship, The Drakkar, suspended precariously between a pillar of rock and a pillar of ice.

An enormous chasm split the subterranean cavern in which we found ourselves, dropping away hundreds of feet to freezing water below and opening to the sky far above us, causing the ice to glitter with ambient light.

Buck (my world-weary explorer), Dick (Kevin's former G-man), and Freya (Clare's photojournalist) stood at the foot of the rocky pillar, the words of our benefactor Professor Casper Wieloch ringing in our ears about his quest for a mysterious artefact from this site.

Clearly this dangerously balanced Viking longboat was the ideal place to hide such an item.

It was quickly decided that Buck would climb up to the ship, as climbing was one of his areas of expertise, and then Freya would follow to lend support.

Dick would stay on the rocky ledge to keep an eye on things outside of the longboat. 

[Unfortunately, this did mean that Kevin was rather side-lined for a vast portion of this session, which I felt rather bad about as Buck took the spotlight].

Carefully, we made our way onto the ship... but not carefully enough. We had barely taken a step onto its deck when it shifted and dropped dramatically at one end.

We could see a trapdoor hatch near the prow and so, roped together, Freya and Buck cautiously made their way along the central aisle, between the oarsmen's seats, as the boat groaned and shifted beneath us.

Buck made it through the hatch, and Freya followed. We found a cargo hold full of crates, rotting barrels, and frozen fish, but the beady-eyed Freya couldn't see any indication of treasure down here.

She did draw attention to the cracked and loose floorboards though, which gave Buck the idea of prying one up to see if anything was hidden underneath them.

This the two adventurers did. And the first thing they saw was the glint of gold coins!

They needed to lift up a second floorboard so Buck could get down there, but the ship lurched dangerously to one side, not only sending crates and barrels sliding about, but also dislodging a small collection of gold coins.

Once the ship had settled, Buck lowered himself down and, ignoring the few gold coins scattered around, immediately saw the skeleton of a Viking warrior laid to rest in the crawlspace under the hold. The long-dead Norseman was clutching a scrap of paper and a large metal disc.

Buck delicately removed both items, but that movement was the final straw for the ship. It started to noisily crack in half and was obviously going to plummet the great distance into the icy water below.

Witnessing this from outside, Dick took hold of the rope that was attached to his comrades, who were racing out of the crumbling relic. 

In a storm of rotting wood, Buck and Freya leapt to safety, secured by Dick.

Taking a breath on the ledge, Freya read the scrap of parchment:

She translated the Greek text as "Island of Atlantis".

Dick, on the other hand, examined the disc - which was actually three discs, joined together, with Latin letters on, and realised it was some form of ancient cypher.

Clearly this is what their paymaster had been seeking.

The ancient cypher

EPILOGUE:

After the bold trio made their way to Nuuk, and met up with aviatrix Oynx (Mark's character), they flew on to Austria where they met Professor Casper Wieloch at his home overlooking Lake Wolfgang.

He was delighted with what our heroes had achieved and admitted that he already had a lead on how he could crack the Norse code.

TO BE CONTINUED...

CAST:

• Buck Hannigan - Me
• Freya Larson - Clare
• Dick Tate - Kevin
• Onyx Jones - Mark (absent)

DIRECTOR:

• Pete

EPISODE ONE: Gaming Again! It's A Christmas Miracle!

It's great to be gaming with my friends again

For numerous reasons, it's been a rough year for the Tuesday Knights.

Until this week, we haven't gathered for gaming purposes since about May, but given the improvement in my mobility and stability I was determined that we get in, at least, one game before the end of the year.

Sadly, Mark wasn't able to make it due to a prior commitment, but Clare, Pete, and Kevin showed up this week for the resumption of Pete's pulpy "weird science" campaign.

We finished that campaign's first "season" in February 2024, after three years and 32 sessions of gaming.

The idea of this week's gathering was to "generate" our characters and gain an overview of Pete's new system of choice: Outgunned Adventures from Two Little Mice.

Festive bao buns, courtesy of Rachel

But, first, we had a massive Christmas feast of pizza and festive nibbles to tuck into, prepared for us by Rachel, and a lot of catching-up to do. Sure, we chat in our WhatsApp group, but it's not the same as face-to-face banter.

Once we reached the stage where we couldn't eat any more, the table was cleared and the gaming began.

Following the get-together Pete and I had the other day about transferring the group's characters from Hollow Earth Expedition to Outgunned, Pete handed out character sheets to us all and talked us through character creation.

I liked this because, at the end of the process, the characters felt like our own creations rather than just "pregens".

The game's simple dice mechanic was explained and then we were thrown into Frozen Legacy, the first episode of the Saturday morning serial (ie. campaign) called The Fate of Atlantis.

It's still the pre-war 1930's and our characters - explorer Buck Hannigan (me), photojournalist Freya Larson (Clare), and former G-man, Richard Tate (Kevin) - are now freelance adventurers.

We've been hired by Professor Casper Wieloch to find the lost tomb of Erik The Red in Greenland, and retrieve a mysterious (and unknown) artifact. To aid us, the professor loaned our group Odin's Key, an iron medallion engraved with runes and with a translucent crystal lens at its centre.

Prof Casper Wieloch (left) and sketch of Odin's Key (right)

We soon found ourselves scaling a massive ice wall in Greenland. Buck put his mountaineering experience to good use, keeping his friends safe on the tricky ascent as the wind howled and the sea crashed violently below.

At the top of the climb we found a plateau with a single, ancient, Christian memorial with the words "sicut vixi ego relinquo" carved up on it. 

Freya translated this ("as I lived, so I depart"), but raised concerns as to why someone who had rejected Christianity (ie. Erik The Red) would have a Christian memorial.

Patterned floor tiles

Spotting a groove in the side of the stone, Buck blundered on, inserting Odin's Key (while still clenching it firmly). This - unfortunately - set off the first booby trap. The ground opened up beneath us and we were all propelled down a rough slide into the freezing ocean water.

Luckily, we spotted a nearby cave and swam into it for safety. Inside we found a passageway leading deeper into the rock, which led us into a big cavern containing some Viking skeletons.

As we progressed, it became clear that the room was man-made, with Freya identifying the Viking architecture and the large statue of Odin, holding a golden spear, at the far end.

Between us and the statue, which wore an eyepatch featuring the same designs as our medallion, was a floor of finished stone, featuring tiles of different colours. 

It was clear this was some kind of puzzle trap, but when Freya looked across the floor through the lens of Odin's Key she saw "safe" routes illuminated - unfortunately a different route depending on which eye she used to peer through the Key.

With Dick and Freya staying back to guide him, Buck began to cross the floor - following their instructions.

Unfortunately, he picked the wrong path to start with, causing the statue to lower its spear at him and a tidal wave of sea water to surge through the cavern, accompanied by a strong rush of wind.

Second time lucky (now in near pitch darkness), Buck reached the statue and found a partially opened panel behind it, which he and Dick managed to force open. 

They passed through a narrow corridor into a blinding light, emanating from an enormous ice cavern where a Viking longboat was suspended from the ceiling, wedged between two pillars of ice.

TO BE CONTINUED...

CAST:

• Buck Hannigan - Me
• Freya Larson - Clare
• Dick Tate - Kevin
• Onyx Jones - Mark (absent)

DIRECTOR:

• Pete

Biblical Epics

Every now and again in my non-stop viewing calendar I like to take a moment to return to the big screen epics of my youth, the grandiose Bible stories that were a staple of vintage cinema.

In those benighted, pre-VHS days, when there were only three TV channels available in the UK, I would get my large-scale fantasy fix from 1950's movies like The Ten Commandments (which I'm watching at the moment), Ben-Hur, The Robe, Quo Vadis etc which were played, it seemed, pretty much on rotation at the weekends.

I have an embarrassing childhood memory of a very young me (possibly five or six) standing in the garden with a large stick - doubling as a staff - pretending to be Moses at the top of my lungs!

Never once did I think these were anything more than pseudohistorical, sword-and-sandal, fantasy stories but there was something there that piqued my young imagination.

In parallel with my unwavering love of Ray Harryhausen films and coupled with Kirk Douglas in The Vikings and, of course, Spartacus, these movies were already shaping my "swords-and-???" tastes even before I was introduced to the works of JRR Tolkien and then Dungeons & Dragons. 

Dungeons & Dragons provided me with a way to quantify ("stat up") the things I was seeing in these movies and hearing at school during our compulsory "religious education" (which meant trying to force Christianity onto us, rather than teaching us about all the religions of the world).

At prep school, I recall excitedly going through the hymn book we were given, hunting for potential magic items: "Bring me my bow of burning gold, bring me my arrows of desire!"

In recent times, harkening back to this mini-obsession of my tween and pre-tween years, I even sought out (I think from Noble Knight Games in the  States eventually, when it didn't cost an arm and a leg to ship something across The Atlantic), the Green Ronin d20 supplement Testament, for running games in the Old Testament era.

No, it doesn't have stats for God (unlike the Fantasy Wargaming book, by the late Bruce Galloway, published in the early 1980s, which has stats for both God and the Virgin Mary) but it does go into a lot of historical detail about life and beliefs in that ancient era.

The most recent "Biblical Epic" of the peplum variety that I've seen was 2018's Samson, a pretty decent retelling of one of the few Bible stories that ever held my interest.

Although they seem to be few and far between these days, I always keep half-an-eye out for any competent "Biblical Epics" that skirt the edges of my geeky radar.

HALLOWEEN HORROR: The Seed (2021)

Three old friends - vapid online influencer Deidre (Lucy Martin from Vikings), pet shop worker Charlotte (I Hate Suzie's Chelsea Edge), and Heather (Sophie Vavasseur, Resident Evil: Apocalypse) - head for chilled weekend at an isolated luxury villa in the Mojave desert.

The idea being they will spend the time catching-up, drinking, taking drugs and watching a "once-in-a-lifetime" meteor shower.

However, an unexpected side effect of the meteor shower is the arrival of a strange creature, dropping out the sky into the villa's swimming pool.

Thinking it's possibly an armadillo or a bear cub, Charlotte wants to care for it, but the others are less keen and just want rid of the bizarre, stinking object.

However, as the weekend unfolds, the new arrival begins to have a strange effect on first Deidre and then Heather, before Charlotte (the obvious Final Girl from the moment she appears on screen) realises what is going on.

The first feature-length work from writer-director Sam Walker, The Seed is an engrossing - if not totally original - spin on an anti-E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial meets Color Out Of Space story.

On a superficial level, this is a 1950s shlock horror movie of the "aliens-want-our-women" sub-genre, updated for the contemporary social media generation. 

I was really expecting to find the leads annoying, but even the over-the-top Deidre is hypnotically watchable because of Lucy Martin's stellar performance.

Throw in some surreal Society-style shunting; psychedelic mental communications; and gallons of black, alien, blood and you have a great recipe for an enjoyable 90-minute Lovecraftian body horror romp.

The alien creature itself is fascinating as it is largely passive, but, as long as you can suspend your disbelief, this puppet-from-another-planet is a compelling antagonist since it relies primarily on mental powers - rather than physical - to get what it wants.

The script isn't perfect though. While Charlotte and Deidre are well-developed characters, Heather seems oddly lacking any sort of backstory beyond the fact that her father owns the villa and she's constantly worried about messing it up.

And when Charlotte and Heather are exploring the seemingly-abandoned cabin of their nearest neighbour, there's a definite suggestion that something apocalyptic has happened to the rest of the world already, and yet later we learn this is not the case.

Conversely, through the clever use of clairvoyant montages, The Seed does an excellent job of foreshadowing the alien invader's plans for the Earth without anyone spoon-feeding them to the audience.

Sam Walker also clearly loves his fake-out endings, which I always approve of if done well and these are.