I Can't Help It: I Really Like Religious Horror

In her country home, a religious zealot takes a filmmaker captive, claiming her sadistic rituals will change him into a god.

When her dementia patient begins behaving strangely, a nurse suspects things are not what they seem. As the night unfolds, she soon discovers she is trapped with a demonic presence seeping through the cracks of the old home.

Who Knew Yoga Could Be So Dangerous?

A reimagining of masala cinema [multi-genre Indian films], Namaslay is a pyroclastic, genre-smashing horror satire that eviscerates the appropriation of Yoga in the West — proving culture is the blood that keeps the dead alive.

Stateside, Namaslay debuts in Los Angeles and New York City on August 6, before expanding nationwide on August 13.

Age Of The Dragons (2011)

Imagine the elevator pitch "Moby Dick, but with a dragon".

Concepts don't come much higher and much more sublimely brilliant than that.

What a shame then that Age Of The Dragons ultimately fails to meet these expectations.

Now I've never actually read Moby Dick, but I know enough to recognise the character names have remained unchanged - Ahab (Danny Glover); Ishmael (Corey Sevier); Starbuck (David Morgan); Stubbs (Vinnie Jones), Flask (Larry Bagby), Queequeg (Kepa Kruse) - and that large chunks of dialogue are either lifted almost verbatim from Herman Melville's classic novel or, at least, are very close.

There are some great fantastical touches, like having Ahab's small crew serving on a land barge that wouldn't have looked out of place in one of Philip Reeve's World of Mortal Engines novels.

Unfortunately, the tense atmosphere of the hunt is undermined by shoehorning in of a stupid romantic subplot with Ahab's adopted daughter Rachel (Sofia Pernas) and the dumb revelation towards the end that Ahab knows exactly where the Great White Dragon nests... turning it not so much into a hunt as just a journey.

In the book, it should be noted, Rachel is the name of the vessel that ultimately rescues Ishmael from the sea - so you can see what they were trying to do here, it just comes across as a bit heavy-handed.

There are other plot holes as well, but there's enough monumental scenery chewing by Glover as the scarred captain, haunted by dreams of his youthful failure to save his sister from the White Dragon, and dramatic, cod-Shakespearean dialogue, to carry the story through these choppy waters.

The CGI effects are quite primitive as well, giving the movie the feeling of a slightly upmarket Asylum production, but the snowy scenery and rumbling landship provide adequate compensation in this department.

Surprisingly, I'd say this hour-and-a-half film needs to have been longer, with more plot development, some better explanations of the various characters' motivations, Rachel should have been cut from the story totally and the White Dragon should have been rather harder to track down.

Besides that, it's great!

Oh, and the movie could have done with a better title than the rather bland and generic Age Of The Dragons.

Although there are no traditional extras on the DVD, it actually includes - unmentioned anywhere on the DVD box - an entire second dragon-themed movie, Dragon Hunter which, if memory serves me right, isn't much cop at all. But still, a nice surprise nonetheless.

Ahab's "ship" The Pequod

"She Has Come To Do You Some Evil"

With only two episodes left in this season of House of The Dragon, tensions continue to ratchet up as plans unfold within plans and the Rightful Queen's hold on the Iron Throne is looking a bit shaky.

Up top we have a trailer for the penultimate episode of this season, while down below are spoilerific, behind-the-scenes features on this week's episode:

Mordenkainen Headlines New Dungeons & Dragons Comic

Main cover art by Esad Ribić

Gary Gygax's wizard Mordenkainen stars in a new ongoing Dungeons & Dragons comic coming from Dark Horse in November.

Powerless in the face of a draconic apocalypse, the story follows:

"... Mad Mage Mordenkainen as he assembles Faerûn’s most legendary heroes, including Volo, Tasha, and more fan-favourite adventurers, for a high-fantasy epic that spans the Forgotten Realms!"

Each issue will also include roleplaying-themed backmatter penned by RPG "personalities" or D&D gaming material.

Issue one will feature an essay by Erika Ishii, voice actor and actual play participant in the YouTube show Dimension 20.

The Dungeons & Dragons series will be written by Eisner-nominated creators Jackson Lanzing and Collin Kelly (Star Trek: The Last Starship, Captain America, NYX), penciled by Ibraim Roberson (Star Wars, Weapon X, Thor Annual 2023), inked by Arabson Oliveira, coloured by Dan Brown, and lettered by Haley Rose-Lyon.

Issue one variant cover gallery:

Jonah Hex's Return Ensures The West Remains Weird

We haven't seen a decent appearance by DC Comics' Western antihero Jonah Hex for a good, long while, but the scarred bounty hunter returns this October in a new six-part miniseries, Jonah Hex and the Shadow of Death.

Written and illustrated by Michael Walsh - known for The Silver Coin, Universal Monsters: Frankenstein, and Exquisite Corpses - this latest slice of Weird West horror for Hex begins with our protagonist seemingly retired and living in the small town of Ashecott.

Of course, it's not long before an ancient evil rises and Hex is forced to put his guns back on. Could this be his chance for redemption?

This title is one of the latest additions to DC's Next Level publishing initiative, which begins in September, bringing more classic characters and teams back into their current continuity:

Below are a couple of dialogue-free sample pages from Jonah Hex and the Shadow of Death:

Hits and Myths of Old-School Epics

"Christopher Nolan's The Odyssey is now in theaters and receiving largely ecstatic reviews. Critics have called it "a staggering achievement," and fair enough: the film was built around an enormous IMAX shoot and a real commitment to capturing as much as possible in camera rather than leaning on CGI.

"But call me an old man for saying this: for all its scale, the world it builds can feel too polished, too glossy, more museum piece than lived-in ancient world.

"So I went back to seven old-school productions drawn from ancient myth and the sword-and-sandal tradition. They simply don’t make them like they used to, and most modern attempts are barely watchable."

A wonderful collection of classic tales of Ancient Greece on the silver screen (which includes a couple of my Harryhausen favourites), compiled by the ever-reliable Luminism channel.

Archie Injects New Life Into Live-Action Zombies

When Jughead's beloved pet Hot Dog is killed in a hit and run, Jughead turns to the only person he knows who can help bring back his canine companion — Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Using dark, forbidden magic, Sabrina is successful and Hot Dog returns to the land of the living. But he's not the same... and soon, the darkness he brings back with him from beyond the grave begins to spread, forcing Archie and the gang to try to escape Riverdale!

There are some who say the zombie has had its day as a horror antagonist and should be left to rot.

Thankfully Disney doesn't listen to such naysayers and has greenlit a live-action adaptation of one of the finest, modern zombie stories in decades: Afterlife With Archie.

It is scheduled to debut on Disney Plus in Autumn 2027, which seems like the right time of year.

The show is based on the comic book series from 2013 by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa and Francesco Francavilla, with Aguirre-Sacasa acting as showrunner.

Not only was it an incredible horror comic, but Afterlife With Archie was also one of the strongest character-led comics of recent years.

Unfortunately, as well as generating great critical acclaim, fan adulation, and a reputation for the sheer brilliance of the story and its visuals, the comic is also remembered for never actually reaching a conclusion.

Of course, the tale had to have a Lovecraftian twist in it!

Much like Doctor Who, it was never officially cancelled, it's just been on an extended hiatus... resting (in peace).

Only the first 10 issues of Afterlife With Archie were published and while subsequent ones were solicitated they never actually appeared.

Ironically, this was largely because Aguirre-Sacasa's career in television took off, with Riverdale and Chilling Adventures of Sabrina.

Let's hope that several episodes into the new streaming show, Aguirre-Sacasa doesn't get distracted by another 'better offer'.

Rumour has that more issues of the comic are also now "on the way", but no dates have been announced, and we'll believe that when we see it.

Of course, if the show 'overtakes' the story being told in the comics, we do run the risk of another Game of Thrones crash-and-burn. But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Dungeons & Dragons 3 - The Book Of Vile Darkness (2012)

I hate to admit it - because I'm as shocked as the next man - but Dungeons & Dragons 3: The Book Of Vile Darkness is actually pretty bloody good.

Sure, it's not going to win any awards, but I was expecting something as craptacular as Camp Blood, when in fact it's a fairly decent swords and sorcery B-movie.

For those who worry that these movies might have harmed the public perception of the Dungeons & Dragons game or Wizards Of The Coast's IP, this movie does a convincing job of portraying the exploits of a party of "murderhobos" in a typical D&D campaign.

The plot sees neophyte Knight of Pelor, Grayson (Jack Derges) infiltrating a group of evil adventurers in the hope that they will lead him to his kidnapped father.

The group, led by Shadar-kai witch Akordia (Eleanor Gecks), is looking for the fragments of an evil ancient artifact, The Book Of Vile Darkness, on behalf of the villainous Shatrax, who seeks to return the world to state of chaos and darkness from his base within the Shadowfell.

Yes, the film is packed to bursting with Dungeons & Dragons name-dropping, most well used to create the impression of a fully-rounded world, but some - such as Grayson's visit to The Adventurer's Vault shop to stock up on magical items - are quite groan-worthy as they highlight weaker aspects of more recent iterations of Dungeons & Dragons.

Bezz (Barry Aird) - the rot-mage

But even so, thanks to some surprisingly impressive special effects, we're treated to variety of visually stunning uses of magic spells - both by Akordia and the party's wonderfully anarchic (chaotic evil?) rot-mage Bezz (Barry Aird), enchanted items (Grayson may purchase his "bag of holding" from a shop, but it's still pretty cool to see it in action) and a fantastic array of monsters: the armoured energy man is nice and the dragon is good, but the stand-out creature is the undead child that feasts on negativity.

This twisted little horror show could have walked straight out the pages of a Mörk Borg or Lamentations Of The Flame Princess adventure module.

Then, for the final act, we - and the party - are transported to the alternate dimension of the Shadowfell and even on the limited budget of a direct-to-DVD fantasy flick, this is incredibly striking.

This is where we also finally get to meet Shatrax, a superbly realised villain with a stapled-shut mouth who "speaks" through a pair of female servants chained to him.

Like many of the monsters here, because I'm not up on D&D lore, I don't know if Shatrax is an original creation of the filmmakers or an antagonist lifted from a game book, but nonetheless he's head and shoulders above the pasty-faced villain of the first two D&D flicks (Damodar).

Dungeons & Dragons 3, of course, has plentiful weaknesses: there's some groanworthy dialogue, some sorry acting and I can't guarantee that the plot makes 100 per cent sense.

But this is, by far, the best of the original run of Dungeons & Dragons' movies (not that that's saying much) and I'd argue a very accurate live-action portrayal of what goes on in the heads of most people who regularly gather around a gaming table to indulge in a slice of 'theatre of the mind'.

Akordia (Eleanor Gecks) the Shadar-kai

It certainly captures the dungeonpunk aesthetic of Third Edition (which I think was the current iteration of the game when this was released), with its design palette of black leather, tattoos, piercings and spikes.

As well as the requisite violence there's a decent amount of sex here as well.

This caught me slightly off guard as the previous D&D movies have been very prudish in that regard, but I guess scriptwriter Brian Rudnick was truly channelling Monte Cook and Robert Schwalb's controversial Third Edition supplement when he sat down to compose this piece.

I have no idea what non-gamers will make of the Book Of Vile Darkness, as so much is heavily rooted in a hodgepodge of game lore (for instance, the Shadar-kai are from the Forgotten Realms, while Pelor is a Greyhawk god), but gamers looking for a visual representation of a Dungeons & Dragons game world won't be too disappointed if they approach this with an open mind (and probably a few cans of beer).

The story is actually quite secondary to the enjoyment of the film because of its stylised presentation of a game world.

If you simply refuse to accept that Grayson can convincingly infiltrate this party of high-level (presumably) evil sorcerers, fighters and assassins, then just enjoy the magic and monsters. That worked for me.

However, the most bizarre aspect of this movie is the blurb on the back of the DVD box:

This was clearly written by someone who hadn't seen the film, or even read the script, because except for the appearance of a dragon it bears no real resemblance to the plot of The Book Of Vile Darkness, which is only connected with the earlier movies by its name.

The protagonists are not a "band of heroes" - the whole point is they're band of villains - they're not "defying an empire" (there is no empire ever mentioned), they are not fighting "against evil", they are evil. Yes, there is a single dragon, but, again, no evil emperor.

This blurb is basically a string of generic fantasy words strung together by a work experience person to fill space on the back cover of the DVD. Ignore it and just watch the film.

Sorceress (1982)

In a rare break from tradition, the poster (also the DVD cover) for the Roger Corman-produced 1982 sword-and-sorcery flick Sorceress is actually surprisingly accurate.

All the characters pictured there - including the griffon/manticore creature, the ape-man, the snake and the fancy sword - really do appear in the story, to some degree or another.

However, it's been a long time since I've watched a movie that felt so much like its plot was being made up as it went along.

Evil sorcerer, and possible '70s sex cult leader, Traigon (Robert Ballesteros) has pledged to sacrifice his first born to the gods, in exchange for "great power". Only his wife gives birth to twin girls and refuses to reveal which was born first.

The realm's magical martial arts master Krona (Martin LaSalle) spirits the girls away, and leaves them in the care of trusted peasants, who raise them as boys!

Mira and Mara grow up to become Leigh and Lynette Harris, identical twin Playboy Playmates, who clearly weren't hired for their acting chops, but rather their willingness to disrobe when asked.

Honestly, they're young men... with breasts!

The girls - who think they are boys - are discovered skinny-dipping (of course!) by horny satyr Pando (David Milbern), the travelling companion of pseudo-Viking Baldar (Bruno Rey), who looks like he's stepped off the cover of a Dungeons & Dragons novel and spouts random Norse words as oaths.

Although Pando can only communicate through bleating and mime, he fails to tell Baldar that the girls are actually girls, so that when Baldar comes to them in the wake of their adopted parents' murder by Traigon's wandering warriors, he fails to see through their 'cunning disguise'.

Krona pops up again to dispense some words of wisdom, setting them all on a quest to defeat Traigon, before walking into the parents' pyre.

Arriving in the city, the adventurers meet an old friend of Baldar's, the pun-cracking, permed barbarian rogue, Erlick (Bob Nelson), who tags along to make up the numbers.

Casual nudity aside, there's a definite Dungeons & Dragons vibe to this yarn, as the core "party" expands, then fractures off into smaller units for side-quests, but it's also full of random fantasy names and verbiage that doesn't feel like world-building so much as obfuscation of the fragile main plot thread.

The Harris twins as Mira and Mara

Everything culminates in a grand fight in a crumbling temple - although there's a parallel, sub-surface dungeoncrawl by Baldar and one of the girls - which features explosions, duelling gods in the sky, and some pretty cool-looking zombie-mummy-ghouls that rise out of the ground to serve Traigon.

As the "two who are one", Mira and Mara share a psychic bond that is actually employed in the story, although it's most memorable use is during a 'comedy' sex scene that leads Baldar to initially think one of the women is being tortured.

Possibly because he is cosplaying as Sturm Brightblade from the Dragonlance Chronicles, Baldar, it has to be said, is the best character in the 83-minute movie, not only looking the part but also maintaining a heroic persona throughout.

For all its Corman-inspired cheapness, dodgy special effects, and musical score lifted from Battle Beyond The Stars, Sorceress does have an overall engaging look about it. As well as Baldar's 'authentic' costume, Traigon's forces all wear these (probably totally impractical) neat-looking beaked helmets, for instance.

Ultimately Sorceress (there is no 'sorceress' in this movie) isn't actually that bad, it just lacks a coherent story for its quirky characters to fully engage with, leaving much of what happens to come across as just a bit random.

"The Patient Hunter Gets The Kill"

We're more than half way through season three and things aren't going well for Rhaenyra, the Rightful Queen!

Above you can see trailers for the next episode on House of The Dragon and the remainder of this season, while below are behind-the-scenes features:

Corman In Conversation

Roger Corman, King of the Bs, reminisces about his start in movie making. In this original archival piece from Ballyhoo Motion Pictures, Corman takes the audience through his humble beginnings (he studied engineering!), and how he broke into the 'movie making' business. This featurette originally came out on the Blu-Ray release of Monster from the Ocean Floor.

Ahead of my birthday in 2013 Paul got tickets for the two of us to attend a talk at the British Film Institute: Roger Corman In Conversation.

The legendary B-movie director/producer was interviewed by renowned film critic Kim Newman in front of a packed audience of fans - and Paul had snagged us tickets just three rows back from the stage.

For an 87-year-old Corman was spritely and full of anecdotes, well-spoken and erudite, interesting and engaging - with nary a bad word to say about anybody.

It was an hour-and-three-quarter presentation, broken up with a few of trailers and clips from Corman's early movies, rounded off with the last quarter of an hour (or so) being open to questions from the floor.

As it was a flagship event in the BFI's Gothic season, the conversation between Newman and Corman concentrated largely on his Poe films (Lovecraft even got a mention, but Corman was adamant that he was a Poe fan ahead of HPL), but touched on his later works, his involvement with the American counter-culture movement and the output of some of his more famous protégés (such as Jack Nicholson and James Cameron).

As often happens after listening to such a fascinating character, I came away with a mental check list of Corman pictures I needed to add to my "viewing wish list" while ones that were already of the list got a bump up now I knew some of the behind-the-scenes stories about their making.

Massive thanks to the crew at Film Masters for making the interview featurette available for all.

Five Minutes of People Reading The Necronomicon

This compilation was released as part of the promotion for Evil Dead Burn, thus the segment from the current movie gets the most screen time.

I like the fact that not all of the spells read out are the same, suggesting multiple ways of raising the deadites, which really intrigues the gamer in me, always seeing the potential for bringing the Necronomicon into my own roleplaying games... no matter what the genre or setting.

And I can't help wondering what old HP Lovecraft would make of this cinematic use of the legendary, fictional tome from his tales of cosmic horror? 

47 Ronin (2013)

Anyone with even a passing interest in samurai, ninja and all things ancient Japan will be aware of the heroic story of the revenge of the 47 Ronin, even if they don't know the exact details.

However, this 2013 movie tackles the historical event through the same heightened reality kaleidoscope as used on films such as 300 or the Pirates Of The Caribbean, throwing monsters, demons, animated suits of armour and a shape-changing witch into the mix.

Although Keanu Reeves is the name over the title, his character - Kai, a half-breed outcast raised by mystical bird-featured demons called Tengu - really takes the role of the 'right hand man' to the leader of the 47 Ronin, Ôishi (Hiroyuki Sanada).

After Lord Asano (Min Tanaka) is magically tricked into attacking an unarmed guest, the wicked Lord Kira (Tadanobu Asano), during a visit by the ruling shogun Tsunayoshi (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa), he is granted an honourable death by his own hand, but his men are stripped of their samurai status, branding them ronin. Lord Kira is given Asano's lands and the hand of Asano's daughter Mika (Kô Shibasaki) in marriage - after she has mourned the loss of her father for a year.

The shogun forbids the ronin from seeking revenge, but Kira still doesn't trust Ôishi and has him thrown in an oubliette for a year to break his spirit. However, when he is released - a week before Kira and Mika's wedding - his desire for revenge is still burning hot.

He goes to rescue Kai, who has been sold as a slave to Dutch traders, having realised that the warning he ignored from Kai about "witchcraft", before Lord Asano's fall from grace, had merit.

Together they reunite with the other former samurai of Lord Asano and hatch a plan to seek revenge on Lord Kira - knowing that even if they succeed it will mean their death because they are disobeying the shogun's edict.

47 Ronin is a very straight-forward, revenge-driven action adventure, with the chaste romantic - love across social barriers - sub-plot between Kai and Mika handled really well.

But the most impressive aspect, storywise at least, is the film's determination to stick to the Truth of the honourable death conclusion.

I'll admit I was half-expecting some kind of Hollywood cop-out - which would have undone the importance of the story, of course - and so was rather taken with the downbeat ending the film delivered.

I rather suspect that this kind of ending might not gel with what the majority of Western audiences want from their action films, which might have contributed to the lack of box office success for 47 Ronin.

Now, admittedly beyond Ôishi and a handful of others, the ronin aren't really much more than red shirts, but - for me - the fantasy story sold itself, with its simplistic take on samurai honour jumbled up with monsters and magic.

Although the effects are very slick and modern, the scenery is striking and monsters are impressive,  47 Ronin has more in common with the sword and sorcery flicks of the '70s and '80s than genuine 'historical' dramas about the samurai era of Japan.

And on that level, I really enjoyed it.

President Curtis: Where Are You?

The Devil's Sword (1984)

Sometimes I stumble across a film that truly taxes my limited reviewing repertoire when it comes to expressing its unique brilliance: the Indonesian fantasy flick The Devil's Sword is just such a beast.

At its heart, it's the story of errant warrior Mandala (Barry Prima), tasked by his guru to retrieve the powerful Devil's Sword (a sparkling, snake-bladed Kris) and use it to overthrow the shapeshifting Crocodile Queen, who is seeking world domination as a side dish to satisfying her carnal cravings.

Her main activities appear to be ordering her servants to kidnap local unmarried men and hypnotising them into becoming her sex slaves, rather than concentrating on global conquest.

Now, don't get excited, what passes for sex in The Devil's Sword (a metaphor for the male member?) is very coy, clothed and frankly quite ridiculous, taking place on comfy sofas, in firepits and even underwater and never really progressing beyond kissing and cuddling.

I think (but it's never explained, unsurprisingly) The Crocodile Queen may be draining her sex slaves of their youth to prolong her own life, but equally I might have just made that up from a couple of random lines of dialogue.

Although there are also a number of evil warriors after the magical MacGuffin (who end up killing each other after initially working together), Mandala's main opponent is his old training classmate Banyunjaga (Advent Bangun), a  master of the menacing cackle.

Along the way, we are treated to: amputations; decapitations; mushrooms that fight back; flying rocks; enchanted umbrellas; long meaningful looks; skeletal boatmen; a genuine dungeoncrawl complete with traps, secret doors and a Cyclopean mud monster; an indecipherable treasure map; an outbreak of unexplained laser-hands; an arsenal of imaginative weaponry; an interpretative dance number; and blood, lots of blood (although all very unconvincing).

While being its own unique brand of entertaining, madcap sword and sorcery, there are certainly traces of Zu: Warriors Of The Magic Mountain, Monkey!, Deathstalker (sans the gratuitous nudity) and Hawk The Slayer to be found in The Devil's Sword.

This is a very special 101 minutes of game-inspiring, retro, martial mayhem that should be in the Appendix N of all budding gamesmasters.

Flying Rock: The Only Way To Travel

The Friday The 13th Prequel Nobody Asked For

A prequel to the Friday the 13th franchise, the series follows single mother Pam Voorhees who has been unable to shake her grief after her young, sickly son Jason tragically drowned in the town lake almost a year before. 

When two strangers arrive at Pam’s door digging into her past, a disturbing chain of events are set into motion, leaving the townspeople of Crystal Lake wondering: just who is Pam Voorhees?

Do we really need a prequel to the Friday The 13th franchise? Do we need a deep dive into Pamela Voorhees' psyche? Surely we know all we need to know from the first movie?

There's no mystery about any murders here (spoiler: it was Pamela Voorhees) unless the show screws with the established mythology or buries it under a mountain of unnecessary distractions (as was done with the pointless, and quickly forgotten, Bates Motel).

Of course, I'm going to watch all eight episodes of Crystal Lake when they drop, though, as I'm a big fan of the Friday The 13th movies. And it stars Linda Cardellini (which is enough reason to watch anything).

Maybe, it will (fingers crossed) tie into the Deadite/Evil Dead seeds sown in Jason Goes To Hell. Now, how cool would that be?

Or, at least, add in something different and supernatural to the story of the Voorhees family.

You can learn more about the show from this useful article over on Dread Central.

Crystal Lake comes to Sky in the UK this October.

"We Should Have Burned Them When We Had The Chance"

There are many great programmes on television at the moment, but nothing tops this season of House of The Dragon.

See above for the trailer for episode five, while below are the usual, spoilerific behind-the-scenes features:

The Archer and The Sorceress (1981)

A sword-and-sorcery flick that has long eluded me, I finally caved and got myself an imported German DVD of The Archer and The Sorceress aka The Archer: Fugitive from The Empire (aka Der Zauberbogen).

The poster art, by Les Edwards, that had so stirred my youthful imagination, had always suggested that I was missing out out on another Deathstalker or The Warrior and The Sorceress, but sadly The Archer is a family-friendly, Certificate 12, failed TV pilot.

This kind of explains the lethargic set-up and anticlimactic denouement, but doesn't excuse the messily over-complicated plot and the occasionally nonsensical dialogue.

The land of Malveel, home to a disparate group of feuding nomadic tribes, is under threat of invasion by the Draikian empire (known, confusingly, as The Dynasty) and its snakemen allies.

The nomads have been united under the rule of King Brakus (George Kennedy), but behind-the-scenes shenanigans see him murdered and his son, Toran (Lane Caudell), framed.

With his dying breath, Brakus tells Toran to seek the wizard Lazar-Sa, to assist him in regaining his rightful position as the tribal leader.

Toran escapes with his mentor, Mak (George Innes), but Mak soon dies as well (for reasons) and in doing so bequeaths the magical Heartbow, known as Elbe, to Toran.

On his journey, Toran teams up with the slippery rogue Slant (Victor Campos) and the sultry sorceress Estra (Belinda Bauer). Having had a previous run-in with Toran, she is also seeking Lazar-Sa, but to kill him in revenge for the death of her mother.

All the while, they are being chased by Gar (Kabir Bedi), the leader of the Draikians (I think) and his warband of nine snake-people.

Snakeman

Although they add little more than a modicum of atmosphere, the make-up on the snakemen is superb, they wouldn't have looked out of place on Jabba's sailbarge.

Like the handful of other creatures and species shown in this hour-and-a-half flick, the snakepeople, ultimately, are little more than set dressing.

When our 'heroes' arrive in the town of Kamal, they end up saving the locals from someone claiming to be Lazar-Sa.

They pursue him to his hidden, magical base only to discover he is an imposter, a student of Lazar-Sa's, defaming his old master's name.

Nevertheless, Gar and his snakeboys pursue Toran and co. into the misty valley for a final showdown.

There's definitely potential in The Archer, but the ragged script (written and directed by TV stalwart Nicholas Corea) comes nowhere close to realising it, despite the best efforts of Victor Campos's duplicitous - but ultimately good-natured - scoundrel and Belinda Bauer, who smoulders extremely well in an Eva Green style.

Clearly a lot of worldbuilding had gone into the backstory, the film opens with a fleeting shot of a map of the area, people swear by different gods depending on where they hail from, and it's implied - more than once - that Elbe is not the only Heartbow.

But none of this, or any of the other setting nuggets the script is sprinkled with, really go anywhere because this wasn't written as a self-contained movie, but rather the start of an on-going serial.

Sadly, we will never know the full depth of Toran and Estra's world.

The Archer still has a few interesting moments, but its bloodless combat and bland lead mean it really should turn in its swords-and-sorcery genre membership card.

I don't know if I'm getting slow in my old age, but, for me, one of the main areas where the story fell down was my inability to keep track of who was on whose side, and really why Gar was bothering with Toran in the first place (having already successfully engineered his fall from grace).

My problem with following the narrative was heightened by the mumbly dialogue, made worse by the fact that more than once - when I could understand what was being said - it didn't make a lot of sense anyway.

For instance, the town leaders in Kamal, when thanking our heroes for their rescue, seemed to be riffing off the script they had been given, talking over each other, and generally behaving rather peculiarly.

The Archer and The Sorceress isn't so bad that it's good (cf. Deathstalker) and it obviously isn't particularly good.

Instead, it's horribly mediocre, one of the worst sins a film can inflict upon an audience.

Witch Hat Atelier Season Two Now In Production

With the first season having finished the other week, it has been officially announced that the second season of the gorgeous Witch Hat Atelier fantasy anime is in production, and will come to Crunchyroll in due course.