Robert Eggers Transforms This Unique Werewolf Tale

THROWBACK THURSDAY: Terminus Turkey For Christmas

My most unexpected Christmas present in 2020 a DVD (and VHS tape) of Terminus, an obscure Karen Allen film I'd been hunting for.

Knowing I was on the lookout for this B-movie from 1987, my best mate Paul had scanned the world for a VHS tape of the film and then he, with an assist from Rachel, had had it transferred to DVD for my enjoyment.

While my expectations for the movie were tempered by the obvious "80s-ness" of its Mad Max-style narrative, I was still excited by the prospect of viewing a genre movie starring my first - and most enduring - celebrity crush.

Imagine you were a massive Janet Leigh fan in the 1960s and you'd heard of her new film, Psycho...

That's exactly the bait-and-switch that Terminus pulls. Spoilers for a three decades old B-movie, but Karen's character, Gus, gets killed off at the end of the first act.

But there's nothing Hitchcockian about Terminus, and, anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Picture an ill-defined, possibly post-apocalyptic 2037. America seems to have been divided up into different countries or something, but, anyway, there's this new "game" that features a truck driver being deposited in a random location and then having to take their rig west to "the end of the line"... for reasons.

Gus (Karen Allen) is driving one such big rig, but is being assisted by a freaky computer system that communicates through a disturbing interface that manifests as a rubbery human mouth operated by metallic rods.

Surely only a masochistic pervert would design a computer interface like this? Not a child...

This computer, Monster, was programmed by a child genius, Mati (Gabriel Damon), as a way to prove his worth to some super-shady subterranean scientists, fronted by The Doctor (Jürgen Prochnow, of In The Mouth of Madness, the truest Lovecraftian horror yet committed to celluloid).

There's a whole sub-plot/theme about cloning here with The Doctor as well as one of the major henchvillains, The Driver of The Yellow Truck, being clones of the "unseen" big boss, Sir.

As an aside, the Yellow Truck can turn itself invisible... but that major scientific breakthrough gains no traction in the story.

Mati the boy genius is a clone as well. Is he meant to be a young Jürgen Prochnow? I like to think so, but who knows.

Anyway Gus, being chased by government forces (aka Greys) and having crashed her way through an innocent civilian village en route, ends up captured by some rando thugs and thrown into prison with one-handed tough guy Stump (Johnny Hallyday). 

They fall in love. Naturally. 

Gus gets taken away by these minor league baddies and tortured, but not really tortured. She dies anyway, having bequeathed her truck to Stump (who she'd met the night before).

Stump - having nothing better to do - then opts to finish "the game", with escaped slave, Princess (Julie Glenn), as his co-pilot. This little girl, co-incidentally, is Mati's "sister" and another clone.

Terminus is so 1980's sci-fi it hurts. A mess of dreadful dialogue, lurching from cliché to just plain nonsense, brutal editing that makes events just happen rather than adeptly segueing into them, and creaky special effects make this a drinking game waiting to happen.

Superficially, it's trying to remake 1981's Mad Max II: The Road Warrior with the resources of Mad Max.

A jumble of seemingly undeveloped plot threads woven through with some vehicle stunts and half-hearted fight scenes make a hilariously bad - but nonetheless enjoyable in its awfulness - movie.

And it all builds up to a Deathstalker-style climax where Sir declares he is escaping to somewhere no one can touch him and promptly explodes for no readily explainable reason.

Don't get me wrong, I'm delighted that I got to see Terminus.

There are certainly elements of this 85-minute French-German co-production that could have elevated it above its trashy period peers: such as the whole cloning sub-plot that, as is, is just colour but could have gone in interesting directions.

I also, kind of, reluctantly, admire the bait-and-switch with Gus. As limply as it is executed.

But conversely, it's also rather insulting that even more open-minded European filmmakers didn't believe audiences could handle a post-Raiders of The Lost Ark Karen Allen as the action lead of a sci-fi movie.

What we see of Gus - right up until she, bizarrely, steps out of her truck to face the army of hoodlums who bar the road to her - is really spunky and engaging.

More so, I would say, than uncharismatic French rock-and-roller Johnny Hallyday, sporting a Billy Idol hairdo and possibly some ill-defined cinematic PTSD. 

By no definition of the term could Terminus be considered a good film, but I'm still deliriously happy to have it now in my collection.

Primarily for the Karen Allen-ness of it (all be it rather truncated), but also because it's so totally bonkers (some of which can be attributed to its translation into English, no doubt) that it will stay with me way longer than a lot of the current cookie cutter Hollywood fare that gets churned out.

Among all its randomness, it's also worth noting that Terminus boasts a theme tune by none other than the legendary Stan Ridgway (of Camouflage fame), which was a nice surprise.

My Christmas present from Paul

Captain Kronos - Vampire Hunter (1974)

How have I gone this long without seeing this wonderful little film? Especially as Rachel bought me the Blu-Ray for Christmas several years ago and it's just sat on my shelf waiting for the right moment.

Clearly an influence on a variety of other monster-hunting shows from Buffy The Vampire Slayer to The Witcher, and the Ravenloft setting in Dungeons & Dragons, the mythology presented in Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter suggests a wider world and the adventure we witness in this film is obviously just a single episode in his storied life.

Liberating stunning gypsy girl Carla (Caroline Munro) on the way - locked in the stocks for "dancing on a Sunday" - former Imperial Guard captain-turned-professional vampire hunter Kronos (Horst Janson) and his hunchbacked companion, Professor Hieronymous Grost (John Cater), respond to a summons to investigate a suspected vampire attack.

We learn that there are many varieties of vampire, beyond the accepted stereotype, and the one operating here appears to drain life rather than blood.

However, Kronos and Grost need to investigate further, to uncover its weaknesses.

At a later point this involves a darkly humorous sequence when one of their allies falls foul of the vampire and they struggle to find the right method of execution.

The film doesn't really make too much of an effort to conceal the mystery of who the vampire is, but still manages to slip in a few surprises in the wake of the "big reveal" in the final act.

Wearing its '70s pedigree on its sleeve, Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter takes place in one of those peculiarly Hammer, vaguely Central European, pseudo-nineteenth century settings where 90 per cent of the women look like glamour models.

The dashing swordsman and his posse

And Munro's Carla is there mainly to take the role of dogsbody, vampire bait, and the Captain's booty call.

But casual sexism aside, this is a well-paced, swashbuckling-horror from writer-director Brian Clemens (the main scriptwriter of hit '60s spy-fi show, The Avengers, and screenwriter of Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde and The Golden Voyage of Sinbad, amongst many other achievements on his CV), that really would have worked as a serial.

Janson plays the deadpan Kronos straight, showing that the war hero is clearly damaged, not just from losing his family to vampires, and that's what makes the katana-wielding, Chinese herb-smoking swordsman all the more intriguing.

Then on top of the layered central character (we learn very little about Grost except that he's an expert on vampire lore and he's insecure about his appearance) we are treated to a number of his peculiar, folktale-inspired, tricks to unearthing the undead.

I was particularly fond of the dead toad gimmick (this is something I need to work into an RPG).

"If a vampire should bestrode / Close to the grave of a dead toad / Then the vampire life shall give / And suddenly, the toad shall live."

There's a minimalist look about the movie as well (no doubt down, in part, to the budget), where scenes - regardless of the size of the set - feature very few characters, which reminded me of my beloved Hawk The Slayer.

Light-weight and well-lit, compared to many of the more Gothic Hammer vampire flicks (as these vampires don't sizzle in sunlight), Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter is a unique film in the Hammer vaults - which is a shame, because there's obviously many more adventures to be had with these characters.

Joan of Arc aka The Messenger aka The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc (1999)

I'm not a professional film critic (although I did play one for many years on our local newspaper, when such things still truly existed), therefore I'm allowed my fair share of "review-proof" movies, such as 1960's The Time Machine, 1967's Quatermass and The Pit, 1992's The Muppet Christmas Carol, and 1980's Hawk The Slayer. To name but a few, off the top of my head.

Proudly standing among this nebulous selection of movies across many genres is Luc Besson's magnificent biography of Joan of Arc, which I've always known as The Messenger since I first saw it back in the day.

And I won't hear a thing against it. I even enjoy the strange sequences at the end, before she is to be burnt at the stake, when Joan engages in heated debate with Dustin Hoffman's weird, supernatural, presence (called The Conscience in the film's credits, but is almost certainly meant to be God or an angel).

I don't know if it's the gritty depiction of Medieval warfare or my weird fixation with the iconography of religious epics, but I've been obsessed with this movie since my initial viewing, which has, in turn, led to a low-key fascination with 15th Century Maid of Orleans, Joan of Arc herself.

Beyond a shadow of a doubt - for me, anyway - Milla Jovovich's powerful, unglamourous yet highly charismatic, and slightly deranged performance as Joan is her strongest cinematic role, although some may argue it's Leeloo in The Fifth Element (which is certainly more comedic).

The Messenger does an impressive job of building in the suggestion that Joan's proclivity for vivid, religious, visions comes, at least in part, from the childhood trauma she endured when English invaders pillaged her "idyllic" home in the French countryside.

But whatever the cause, these visions result in the older Joan being granted a status well-above of her peasant birth to "lead" the French army in its fight back against the stereotypically vile, f-bombing English. 

Her boundless zeal and insistence on unorthodox tactics, coupled with her "holy aura" in the eyes of the common foot soldiers, results in some wildly unexpected victories.

This, in turn, makes her a powerful symbol for the French... until she isn't.

The naïve, 19-year-old fanatic becomes an embarrassment for the French authorities once the Dauphin (John Malkovich) gets the crown he has been seeking.

Those in power who supported her, when their goals were aligned, turn on her. Joan is transformed from a figurehead into a diplomatic pawn. 

And we all know how that ended.

Not only is The Messenger a damning indictment of corrupt, organised religion but, once again, its central, emotional conflict highlights the inherent misogyny of the Medieval world (which has, of course, tempered slightly now, but still exists). 

Honestly, I don't care how historically accurate - or not - The Messenger is, it's simply magnificent in my eyes.

Certainly the gritty, muddy, gruesome, unheroic Medieval violence is a strong selling point for me, but there are so many great, larger-than-life, characters in the film - as well as Jovovich's Joan - that also speak to the gamer in me.

And the religious weirdness, of course.

Indiana Jones And The Return to Marvel Comics

Main cover art for issue 1 by Bryan Hitch

Just when it felt I was giving up on Marvel Comics, they only go and drop this massive, surprise, revelation at this weekend's San Diego Comic Con: a brand new Indiana Jones comic is coming in December!

Happy Christmas!

Indiana Jones and The Sword of Pandemonium is a five-issue miniseries written by Jason Aaron, with art by Aaron Kuder.

In the wake of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indy’s most notorious villains, including the impossible return of an archenemy, seek a terrifying new source of power to recoup their loss - one that’s fallen into the hands of his former companion, Marion Ravenwood.

Now, Indiana Jones has to race to the far corners of the globe in search of a biblical weapon, embarking on an epic quest that will put both his archaeology skills and scepticism of the supernatural to the ultimate test!

This is being described as the "beginning of a new era of Marvel’s Indiana Jones comics", so while it's a pity it's not an ongoing Indiana Jones title straight off the bat, like in the "good old days" of Indy's first stint at Marvel, things sound promising.

With Jason Aaron scripting the Indiana Jones and The Sword of Pandemonium mini it is pretty much guaranteed to be a best-seller and will hopefully lead to more books in the near future.

Connecting variant cover art by Aaron Kuder

Variant cover art by Alex Ross

It Looks Like Robert Eggers Has Done It Again

Do not dread the darkness. Embrace it. Robert Eggers' Werwulf is only in theaters this Christmas.

Witness Robert Eggers’ most visceral and haunting experience yet. Focus Features presents Werfulf, a harrowing tale of devotion, damnation and the devil within.

From vampires (with Nosferatu) to werewolves, Robert Eggers, who was also responsible for the Lovecraftian madness of The Lighthouse, the disturbing VVitch, and the sword-and-sorcery Viking epic, The Northman - continues to make movies that are right in my wheelhouse.

In medieval Britain, a mysterious creature stalks the foggy countryside, transforming local folklore into terrifying reality as villagers face an ancient supernatural threat.

What's To Be Read?

My current "to be read" (TBR) books

As a notoriously slow reader these days, I have been inspired by Booktube (particularly Michael K Vaughan's channel) to really try and pull my finger out this year.

Last week, I actually finished two books: Philip Reeve's latest thrilling World of Mortal Engines offering, Bridge of Storms, and then a short history of the fascinating Mansa Musa, the 14th Century emperor of Mali.

Although I had a vague knowledge of this celebrated - and incredibly wealthy - ruler, it wasn't until he popped up as a character in Apple TV's criminally underappreciated Time Bandits series that my interest was truly piqued. 

I'm currently reading Mark Finn's Sailor Steve Costigan homage Fight Card: The Adventures of Sailor Tom Sharkey, but this week's potentially record-breaking, red-alert heatwave (thanks global warming) is putting the kibosh on reading as its scrambling my already shaky concentration.

Nevertheless, I still have a "to be read" collection of four books by the side of the bed that I am determined to get as soon as possible.

This is, of course, on top of any new comics that arrive and my concerted effort to read the core rulebook of the Dragonbane roleplaying game, which has really taken my fancy of late.

A mix of novels and short story collections, the books on my reading list (as pictured above) are:

• Cruise of Shadows, a collection of early-to-mid 20th Century weird fiction by Jean Ray, a Belgium author I hadn't heard of until a few weeks ago when the Strange Studies of Strange Stories podcast did a breakdown of his short story, The Mainz Psalter, which is included in this collection. It was such a mind-blowing, Lovecraftian tale that I knew immediately I had to read the full thing and some more of Ray's work. I have to thank Rachel for getting this for me as a present, which arrived this morning and immediately jumped to the top of my TBR list.
• The End of Everything, by M. John Harrison. A post-apocalyptic take set on Britain's South Coast. Like the subsequent books on the list, I know nothing really about this story except that its marketing on the Blackwells book store site made it seem really interesting And this special edition - signed by the author - includes a bonus short story.
• Corpse Priest by Carson Winter. I think this one might have been mentioned on Michael K Vaughan's booktube channel, but the fact that it's described on the back cover as a mix of "sword and sorcery and cosmic horror" makes it sound like just the sort of thing I'd like.
• Warriors of The Boundless by Mike Chinn. This was a Christmas present, although I can't for the life of me remember where I first heard of it. It sounds like something Michael Moorcock would have written in the '70s or '80s. The back cover blurb talks of infinite worlds, bizarre lifeforms, and "now something is wrong, something is not where it should be and needs to be returned by any means necessary". The book contains six interconnected stories of epic fantasy.

Hammer Of The Gods (2013)

Apocalypse Now meets Dungeons & Dragons in the brutal (if derivative) low-budget, Viking action flick Hammer Of The Gods.

Prince Steinar (Nashville's Charlie Bewley), arrives in England ahead of his own army, to meet up with his father, King Bagsecg (Game Of Thrones' James Cosmo), for a war on the Saxons - only to find that his father has already engaged in the enemy in battle and come off worse.

The dying king entrusts Steiner with finding his estranged first-born, the legendary Hakan (Da Vinci's Demons' Elliot Cowan), to take his rightful place at the head of the Viking hordes.

Steiner sets out with his best friend, Hagen (Clive Standen aka Rollo from Vikings), foul-mouthed berserker Grim (Michael Jibson), superstitious Jokul (Guy Flanagan), and his cowardly younger brother Vali (Theo Barklem-Biggs).

Along the way - like any good Dungeons & Dragons overland expedition - they have a series of random encounters (all resolved through the violence, of course) and join up with a friend of Hakan, Ivar The Boneless (Ivan Kaye aka King Aelle from Vikings) and his slavegirl Agnes (Alexandra Dowling aka Queen Anne from the BBC series The Musketeers).

Encounters with masked Saxons and party in-fighting see Steiner's adventuring group gradually  whittled down until he finally finds his mysterious brother - which is when things go really Apocalypse Now!

Hakan has 'gone native' - à la Colonel Kurtz - and is living in a cave with a mob of cannibalistic Picts who worship him as a god. He even has a scribe Ulric (Game Of Thrones' Francis Magee) on hand to record his proclamations, in homage to Dennis Hopper's photojournalist in Apocalypse Now.

Directed by Farren Blackburn (who gave us the awful Doctor Who Christmas Special: The Doctor, The Widow And The Wardrobe), Hammer Of The Gods does a pretty decent job of masking its budgetary restrictions by dressing up its action-driven plot with a general hand-wavy 'otherworldly' vibe.

That aspect doesn't work quite as well as in Valhalla Rising - which uses a very similar atmosphere for its own particular Viking take on Apocalypse Now and Aguirre, The Wrath Of God - but Hammer Of The Gods still delivers in the brutality stakes and a solid, unambiguous ending.

This isn't a cerebral meditation on life, fate and religion, but a well-acted, violent, low budget action movie about a band of Vikings on a cross-country quest for something other than treasure.

And Now We Wait A Year-And-A-Half For More Frieren

Macht of the Golden Land, season three's big bad,
the most powerful member of the Demon King's Seven Sages of Destruction

It's been two weeks since Crunchyroll aired the final episode of season two of Frieren: Beyond Journey's End, and I'm still thinking about it all the time.

An incredibly intelligent and nuanced anime, it blends long tracts of cosy, lyrical, slice-of-life storytelling with sudden bursts of - usually magical - fantasy violence.

I'd only really heard the name of the series late last year when I was talking to Clare about what manga Alec (her son, my godson) would like for Christmas. She gave me a list of titles and asked me to "report" back on which I thought would be appropriate. Top of the list was Frieren: Beyond Journey's End.

At the time, the first volume of the manga was out of stock, but it looked suitably fantasy-orientated that when I saw the anime was on Netflix I decided to check it out... and the rest, as they say, is history.

I didn't really know what I was getting into when I started season one, but I was in love with the show by the end of the first episode.

Like Delicious in Dungeon and the classic Record of Lodoss War, Frieren's approach to swords-and-sorcery is clearly influenced by Dungeons & Dragons (our inquisitive heroine's passion for collecting magical tomes often sees her accidentally diving headfirst into treasure chests that are actually mimics!).

Frieren in mimic, Fern - her apprentice - being all judgy

In fact, the anime is pretty much a template for a dream character-driven campaign, interspersing dungeon crawls into an epic overland quest.

One of the aspects that really spoke to me was the story's main theme, a fascinating meditation on the different approaches to life between immortals and mortals, different perceptions of the passage of time and so on.

For those not au fait with this incredible Japanese animation, here's my - off the top of my head - summation of Frieren: Beyond Journey's End's general story (I might have some bits wrong and this certainly doesn't cover everything... not by a long chalk):

Immortal elf mage Frieren was part of a small adventuring party that undertook a 10-year mission to slay the Demon King. Then they all went their own way.

Fifty years later, Frieren discovers her former colleagues - including human fighter Himmel The Hero, who she was possibly in love with - are all dead or on the brink of death.

She wants to commune with the ghost of Himmel but the only place she would be able to do this is at the northernmost tip of the continent.

So, she sets out on this new adventure, on the way picking up a pair of young companions, former wards of one of her old party members, including Fern, a stoic mage, and Stark, a cowardly fighter.

On their journey they undertake a number of side quests that earn Frieren magical Grimoires containing seemingly useless spells... which will surely have some pay-off down the line.

The first - 28 episode - season of Frieren: Beyond Journey's End is available on Netflix, while season two, which is only 10 episodes, is - currently - only on Crunchyroll.

Season three is slated for October 2027 and was announced at the end of season two. Production has begun and a teaser visual (at top) of the powerful demon Macht of the Golden Land was released on the day the final episode of the current season dropped on Crunchyroll.

Such a layered and beautiful work, understandably, provokes a lot of discussion and analysis online and below are just some of the short videos examining aspects of Frieren: Beyond Journey's End.

The Green Knight (2021)

Although The Green Knight has been available to stream on Prime Video for ages now, it wasn't until I came across the Blu-Ray in an Amazon sale the other day that I finally decided it was time to clear 130 minutes in my schedule and sit down to watch this Arthurian epic.

It's Christmas in the court of King Arthur and aspiring knight Gawain (the perfectly cast Dev Patel) is seated beside the king, his uncle, when the mysterious emerald-skinned Green Knight (Ralph Ineson) rides in and issues an honour challenge.

He will allow someone to strike him, but then the following Christmas they must seek him out in The Green Chapel and he will repay the blow in the kind.

Gawain, with the loan of King Arthur's sword (is it Excalibur?), beheads the Green Knight, but then the supernatural entity picks up his head and rides off.

Eventually, time passes and the aged Arthur (a brilliant turn from Sean Harris) tells Gawain he really should go and find The Green Knight.

Thus begins Gawain's odyssey across the misty realm of Ancient Britain, searching for The Green Chapel where the unearthly knight will be found.

A hypnotic, often unsettling, blend of gritty Medieval verisimilitude and mythological magic realism, odd things happen throughout A24's The Green Knight and are just accepted as par for the course.

On his journey Gawain helps a ghost, meets a talking fox, mystical tokens are lost and found, and our hero is nearly flattened by hauntingly ethereal giants (who look like they've stepped out of the classic 1973 French animated movie Fantastic Planet).

As far as I can figure - and it feels as though you are diving into a dense text as you try to follow along on a first viewing - the story is primarily concerned about upholding a chivalric code of honour, a parable about being true to your word.

For some bizarre reason, although I've heard the tale of Sir Gawain and The Green Knight several times, I can never remember how it pans out, but the dialogue-free extended epilogue of writer/director David Lowery's adaptation of the original 14th Century text is sublime.

Although prone to occasional atmospheric mumbled dialogue and minimalistic, naturalistic, lighting that makes some scenes as dark as The Long Night, there's a lyrical quality to the narrative of Lowery's The Green Knight that buoys you along. 

While not the traditional swords-and-sorcery, knights-and-armour type of film that I enjoy, it certainly doesn't feel like an arduous two hours if you allow yourself to sink into the world David Lowery has conjured up for us.

It's not necessary to know the names of all the characters and their backstories (in fact, if you check IMDB very few of the characters even have names), because The Green Knight isn't that sort of story, rather it's a period piece told using modern technology but as it would have been recounted "back in the day".

We also don't need to know where the giants came from or how the fox spoke, because these were aspects of Medieval storytelling that were just accepted in stories told around the campfire.

That said, on a more academic scale, I strongly suspect that with a bit more reading about - and research into - the subject matter of The Green Knight, more will be gleaned from this great movie upon subsequent viewings.

THROWBACK THURSDAY: When We Got A Games Table!

At last, my chance to go full Eddie!

Thanks to my amazing, hard-working and supportive wife, Rachel, we acquired a games table in December, 2022.

It's something I'd yearned for ever since learning they were a real 'thing; and finally it was mine... er... ours.

Rachel has long said we needed a new dining table and I managed to persuade her that she should spend her bonus on a games table, which would then double as both dining table and venue for the Tuesday Knights and I to sling dice.

I did a ton of research, we measured a lot, drew up plans, found a UK company that specialised in games tables (Geeknson), asked a lot of questions, and finally pulled the trigger on a bespoke design back in late July/early August of that year.

The table arrived, and was unwrapped, just before Christmas, but I'd kept shtum on my "secret weapon" so that the Tuesday Knights would be the first to see it, in person, at that January's session of Pete's Hollow Earth  Expedition campaign (see below).

However, that didn't stop me 'playing' with it beforehand, for an Eddie Munson-esque "photoshoot" of an imaginary game of Dungeons & Dragons featuring the characters from the '80s cartoon as the protagonists, caught between a demonic flying creature and a warband of orcs.

I have such dreams for this new addition to the house that will justify the expenditure of Rachel's hard-earned cash on my geeky dream.

Presto the magician blasts the demon, as the evil gnome sorcerer cackles

Eddie does it much better than me, but you get what I was going for!

Gamesmaster Pete goes high-tech, flipping his tablet screen over the wooden GM screen
attachment to present us with a slideshow introduction to the adventure

A lot happened as always in that night's episode of Pete's pulp Hollow Earth Expedition campaign (which, by 2026, has morphed into an OUTGUNNED game), but here's a "picture special" of The Tuesday Knights enjoying their first meeting around the new games table.

Afterwards, Clare wrote the following about the table in her daily blog (now a Substack) of positive moments, Three Beautiful Things:

"I am so astonished by Tim's new gaming table -- which he has been keeping a secret since it was ordered in the summer -- that I gasp at each new revelation. First the top lifts off; next there's a green baize playing surface... that could be lifted off to reveal a map table... and then there are extra little tables to attach for your drink and your notebook; and a special desk for the GM, too. The whole smells pleasantly of new wood and polish."

Me using the "player's side table attachment" feature for my dice and notebook

Pete, at the head of the table, liked having a wooden screen and his own tray for dice, notes etc

An impromptu shoot-out in the back streets of 1930's Rio puts Oynx (Mark's character)
and Freya (Clare's character) in the firing line.

Here's me making full use of the "cup holder" feature

The morning after and the table had transformed back into a dining table

HEALTH UPDATE: Biscuit Club Is Over!

I got a certificate for completing my Postural Stability Course (aka Biscuit Club)

After nine months of weekly classes (barring Christmas and weeks when our trainer was unavailable), Biscuit Club is over.

It's rather sad, really.

While I am proud of my 100 per cent attendance record, I'm going to miss our weekly get-togethers, my two inspiring fellow participants, our primary coach Caroline, and her two volunteer assistants, Barbara and Sheila.

Those months of increasingly arduous exercise have seen me turning up, early on, in a wheelchair and then - over the weeks - regain the ability to walk "normally".

I'm also definitely more stable on my feet; it was my frequent falling over that sent me on this course in the first place.

The osteoarthritis diagnosis came later and, let's be honest, I couldn't have been in a better position to face that issue head-on.

Without this course, Rachel and I are adamant I'd still be in the wheelchair... with all the additional complications to everyday life that that would have brought with it.

For our final session this week, we had a truncated exercise class, then everyone gathered for tea, cake, and biscuits and a good old chinwag. Although I'm now on a diet (also part of this new fitness regime) I allowed myself a "cheat day" with a couple of chocolate biscuits and a small slice of lovely chocolate cake.

In the short time I've been on this "no snack" diet (what is it, six weeks? Seven weeks? I've stopped counting now), I've lost over a stone in weight and it was remarked upon in the class that my appearance has noticeably changed. I confess my t-shirts are feeling slightly baggier and my shorts aren't as tight these days, either.

I'm now in the process of trying to get myself enrolled on an exercise course that the borough council runs at the Angel Centre in Tonbridge, but my initial emails and phone messages were ignored (which was rather frustrating) and so now I've tried filling in an online form that will hopefully open the door for me.

There's also the possibility that the charity which ran Biscuit Club might have another course beginning soon or even that Caroline will have a window in her hectic schedule to start a new pilates class that I could sign up for.

In the meantime, I must remember to do regular exercises on my own and - now that our run of weekend events is over for the moment - get back to my weekly "tree safari" walks with Rachel and Alice.

CHAPBOOK REVIEW: Meet The Shrivelwoods (Kek-W)

 

Meet The Shrivelwoods is a 40-page Gothic horror-comedy written by fan-favourite 2000AD scribe, musician and artist Kek-W, available through his Bandcamp merchandise page.

The publication contains two text stories about the creepy Shrivelwood family, wealthy and decadent maple syrup magnates who bear a superficial similarity to The Addams Family but with the darkness dial turned up to thirteen.

Chapbooks are somewhere between a novel and a fanzine, an easily digestible booklet with an affordably low page count; a format with a rich and fascinating history.

The Old Dank Manse, the first story in Meet The Shrivelwoods, tells of a contemporary, failed romance writer seeking solace in the bosom of her rich Vermont extended family, at their "crumbling Gothic mansion", but finding something much stranger than she expects.

The second, Christmas With The Shrivelwoods, takes the form of a late 19th Century letter from Minnie Shrivelwood to her uncle, Heinie, who is currently restrained in the Hartford Retreat For The Insane. It's a bonkers - matter-of-fact - recounting of the family's preparations for the Christmas holidays.

Both tales blend surreality and slapstick with leftfield black humour, shock revelations and general absurdity, as should be expected by those who have read Kek-W's Dark Judges: Fall of Deadworld work in the universe of Judge Dredd.

I was also reminded of the Wojciech Has's very weird The Hourglass Sanitorium for the short stories' occasionally unsettling, nightmarish narrative logic and potentially disturbing imagery.

Rambling - by design - the chapbook's two stories are delightful, amusing, and quick reads that most definitely leave you wanting to hear more about the different generations of this peculiar, and freakish, inbred family of maple syrup-obsessives. 

You'll Have To Pry My Blu-Rays From My Cold, Dead Hand

My new Frieren blu-rays along with the Frieren Funko Pop! Paul got me for Christmas

One of the few things I picked up for myself in the Boxing Day/New Year sales this year was the blu-ray box set of the first part of the first season of Frieren: Beyond Journey's End.

But, you say, that's available "for free" on both Netflix and Crunchyroll, so why buy it?

To which I retort that not only does 'solid media' rule, but that just because the show is currently on those two streamers that doesn't guarantee it will always be.

Netflix, for instance, is always churning through its contents and removing great swathes of material to make way for new stuff. 

But, owning a show or movie on solid media (Blu-ray, DVD, even VHS) means it's always yours for as long as you have the means to play it (and you treat the media with enough respect to prolong its life).

Even if you purchase something digitally, you're essentially just renting it.

The Case of The Missing Music

Several years ago I purchased - via iTunes - the album Stand By For Action! The Music Of Barry Gray, which was essentially all the beautifully bombastic and inspirational themes and tunes from the Gerry Anderson shows I grew up with.

A magical collection of music that could very quickly carry me off to my happy place, thanks to some of the greatest theme tunes ever composed: UFO, I'm looking at you in particular.

Only, when Rachel and I went for a car journey the other week and I fired up my "driving playlist" (a mix of tracks from throughout the ages and across multiple genres) I realised that the opening track - Stand By For Action - wasn't there.

When I later checked the listing for my Barry Gray album on my iPhone, I saw more than half of the tracks were "faded out" (see picture at top of this article), and when I tried to click on them a message would pop up saying these tracks weren't available in my country!!!

WTF? I bought and paid for this music years ago.

This being Apple there's no customer service, no recourse for the angry customer to get an explanation.

Then late last year the tracks magically reappeared in my library, without a word or an apology. So now I can start blasting them out again.

But how long before they disappear again? Or tracks from other artists? God, what if all my Atarashii Gakko! music vanished over night? I don't even want to contemplate such an apocalyptic scenario.

But this isn't really a dig at Apple per se, as I love my iPhone (thank you, Rachel!), it's more about the fact that when you're talking about digital media... it doesn't really exist, it never feels truly your own, and it is vulnerable to the whims of the digital realm. 

Combine this with the numerous hic-cups I've had buying movies from Sky Cinema (I've given up pre-ordering movies this way and have reverted to Blu-rays), it's no wonder I'm sticking to physical media.

I know they take up room (not as much as a VHS cassette, of course), but they look cool and have all those spiffy extras that someday I'll get round to watching.

When you have a solid disc - or book, or whatever - in your hand, it's yours until you give it up. No megacorporation can arbitrarily decide - without explanation - that that object is no longer yours and remove it from your possession like a thief in the night.

Admittedly, on the music front I still actually err towards digital these days, but most of the time now I simply stream tracks via Rachel's Spotify account anyway.

PS. I know this is slightly hypocritical as I am a massive proponent of audiobooks, particularly the material produced by Big Finish, which I primarily purchase as digital downloads and play through their own app. 

My theory here is that these will exist at least for as long as Big Finish does... and I couldn't imagine living in a world without Big Finish!

Miniatures Make My Wife Happy

I'm delighted - and proud - to report that Rachel's occasional blog, Miniatures Make Me Happy, has awoken from hibernation.

The primary focus of the blog is Rachel's obsession with decorating 1:12 scale dolls houses.

She kicked off with a pre-Christmas post about the quality Christmas tree she had purchased (and that we used in our digital card this year).

This was then followed by a trio of posts about her current "big project": a modern Malibu Beach House (pictured above). Over the holidays, with some help from her talented dad and no help from clumsy me, Rachel has painted the accent colour on the outside of the house, scratch-built a statement chandelier, and started on the flooring.

The latest mini-project involves assembling the shower unit (which included several hilarious superglue-related moments), but requires the purchase of some tiles to complete.

Now the holidays are over and Rachel is back to work I hope she can still make time to squeeze in more miniature work, as I know how satisfied it makes her feel.

With my back getting better, allowing me to resume the majority of the chores I used to do and Rachel not having to wait on me quite so much, that should free up some time for her in her manic schedule.

AND THE WINNER ISSSSSSS...

For my money, the strongest comic book of the year was the Judge Death 2025 Mega Special, from Rebellion.

I've always loved the fact that the futuristic, post-apocalyptic, sci-fi world of Judge Dredd also freely embraces the supernatural.

Thus, it should come as no surprise that my favourite villainous characters in the decades-long, ongoing saga are The Dark Judges: Judge Fear, Judge Mortis, Judge Fire and their iconic poster boy, Judge Death.

This year's Mega Special, published to celebrate 45 years of Dredd's demonic nemeses, showcased all four of the Dark Judges in their own nightmare-fuelled short stories, beautifully written and illustrated by a variety of creators from 2000AD's stable of talent.

Antony Johnston's ultracreepy Fade To Grey (with art from Lee Carter and letters by Rob Steen), for instance, gave me a whole new appreciation of Judge Mortis

This 48-page magazine, released in time for Halloween, has been the only comic book in 2025 that, once I'd reached the end, I had a powerful urge to simply start again at page one.

Imagine my delight this Christmas when I discovered that Rachel had not only got me a print of that incredibly striking Brian Bolland cover but also had it framed, so that it was ready to hang once the seasonal festivities were in the rear view mirror.

The framed picture has now found a permanent residence on the wall adjacent to my new Dredd-laden bookshelves.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS - FROM MYSELF, RACHEL & ALICE

As usual, in lieu of mailing out Christmas cards, we've donated two places to Crisis at Christmas and sent out digital cards instead.

The picture for this year's "electronic card" shows off Rachel's new doll's house Christmas tree, with her 1/12th version of Alice next to it, along with some tiny treats, presents and baubles.

I hope, wherever you are, the holidays are treating you well and letting you recharge your batteries for whatever 2026 has to test us with.

Why NORAD Has Been Tracking Santa For 70 Years

Mission: Accomplished! It Must Be Christmas!

Here we are: Christmas Eve. The time has come for the final tally of the roleplaying game dice that came in my specialist advent calendar this year.

We ended up with a very ordered spread:

• 3d4
• 3d6
• 3d8
• 3d10
• 3d12
• 3d20
• Metal d20
• 3d% (that is, d10s with faces marked 10, 20, 30 etc)

And a pin badge along with, today, a plastic miniature of a mindflayer/illithid

This novelty advent calendar was - unsurprisingly given its contents - the perfect pre-Christmas present from Rachel... and has definitely set a precedent for future festive favours.

The standout piece has to be the hefty, spikey, metallic d20. Unfortunately, some of its delicate numbering is nigh-on illegible to my old man's eyes and I can't help feeling it would work better as a slingshot projectile for taking down Biblical giants from Gath.

CHRISTMAS AT THE CASTLE!

Just getting in there on its final day, Rachel, Alice, and I ventured out to Tonbridge Christmas Fest at the castle (and, no, I'll never tire of living in a town with a 13th Century castle) this evening .

We'd originally planned to go at the weekend but rain stopped play, and we decided it would be sensible to go once the torrential downpours had passed us by.

This evening's jaunt also happened to be my first trip out into the wild using just my old walking stick - rather than other, larger, walking aids - since June.

So, how better to celebrate that milestone than by embracing the spirit of Christmas?

The fair was a lovely little mix of food stands, carnival games, and geegaw sellers.

Rachel was most keen that we be there at 4pm for the daily spray of artificial snow.

We may have made tactical use of elbows and legs to get to the centre of the mosh pit under the snow fall - but it was worth it (even if I had flashbacks to attending a foam party in a nightclub during my hedonistic university days). 

As well as picking up a couple of bags of fudge (apparently it's the law that if you see a stand selling fudge you have to buy some), we also dined on foot-long sausages in baps from a food stand selling German sausages.

Rachel had a Bratwurst, while I had an absolutely delicious Krakauer (spicy sausage) that I coated in curry ketchup for that true Teutonic experience.

Rachel roasting a marshmallow

Beware the elves!

It's great to be walking with just a stick again

Happy Christmas!!!