Dragon Quest (2009)

I've said it before and I'll say it again, for my money, legendary mockbuster-makers The Asylum are at their best when they're turning out fantasy movies.

While Dragon Quest (or Dragonquest or DragonQuest) may not be anything particularly original (it's basically another rehash of the "hero's journey" we all know from Star Wars) it's still a half-decent Dungeons & Dragons-style adventure yarn.

Reluctant, magical-dope-smoking hero Arkadi (Daniel Bonjour) learns from local wiseman Grandfather (Jason Connery) that he is actually the prophesied Keeper tasked with collecting the stones of virtue under the guidance of legendary warrior Maxim (Marc Singer) and his rather attractive protégé, the scantily-clad Katya (Jennifer Dorogi).

Katya (Jennifer Dorogi) - Dragon Quest's eye candy

It's no surprise really that former Beastmaster Marc Singer steals the show with a scenery-devouring performance that blends Mister Miyagi with Yoda and a dash of Basil Exposition.

To be honest Maxim justified the minimal cost of the DVD alone and I could easily have enjoyed 90-minutes of his solo adventures!

The Keeper has been called into action because a former colleague of Maxim's, the Darth Vader-ish Kirill (or Krill) - played by X-Files/Buffy The Vampire Slayer bad guy Brian Thompson - has summoned a wicked (CGI) dragon of smoke and fire to act as his avatar in his (generally unspecified) plans for world domination... and bolster-up his legions of anarchy-spreading Tolfar mercenaries.

There's dragons and there's questing and some other CGI beasties along the way for Arkadi and crew, some running about and some fighting and it's all wrapped up in an easily-digestible 85 minutes.

Filmed in the deserts of California and interspersed with stock, aerial footage of sweeping landscapes, Dragon Quest quickly shakes off its early fairy tale vibe and segues into full-blooded swords and sorcery territory.

While it delivers very little we haven't seen before, it does so with an innocent, cheeky charm that makes it enjoyable nonetheless if you are open-minded to what it has to offer (and let's be honest you have to be reasonably open-minded knowingly sitting down to watch a movie from The Asylum).

HALLOWEEN HORROR: Longlegs (2024)

Having demonstrated great intuition shy young FBI agent Lee Harker (Maika Monroe) - who is possibly psychic - is brought over to a unit investigating a serial killer cold case.

Under the guidance of her new boss, agent Carter (Blair Underwood), she is tasked with unearthing what has been missed in a series of family murders linked only by encrypted notes left at the scene, signed Longlegs.

It doesn't take long for the case to heat up again as Harker cracks the code left by the mysterious Longlegs and begins to piece together how he pulls off the killings, without - seemingly - ever actually being at the scene of the crime.

The deeper Harker digs the more she also unearths her own personal connection to the case.

Written and directed by Osgood Perkins (who gave us the visually memorable Gretel & Hansel), Longlegs oozes creepy, claustrophobic atmosphere, but is let down by the need for a big info dump at the end of the second act to explain what has been going on.

This is alleviated to a degree by the film's strong finish, but the damage to its narrative credibility has been done. 

Yet, there are obvious red flags around certain characters that are never addressed up front (which is super obvious when  you realise the protagonists are all trained FBI agents), even though they - unsurprisingly - prove critical to the resolution of the plot.

Ultimately, the 101-minute movie relies more its ability to get under your skin - and into your head - than it does in telling a solid story.

That said, the central performances are superb: from Maika Monroe's Harker, who is clearly on the spectrum and probably autistic (but I'm no doctor), to a heavily made-up Nic Cage's all too brief appearances as Longlegs himself; this is Cage's chance to play his version of Buffalo Bill.

Alicia Witt plays a key role as Harker's possibly unbalanced Bible-bashing mum and I couldn't help but feel old at the fact that Witt - who I used to crush heavily on when she was in Cybill - is now playing  mum roles.

Although there are strong Silence of The Lambs vibes (young FBI agent tracking elusive serial killer) Longlegs is more X-Files than Silence of The Lambs due to the prevalence of supernatural influences around the killer's supposedly Satanic crimes.

Along the way there's a modicum of gore and one big jump scare at a pivotal moment, but Longlegs - like Silence of The Lambs - is a psychological thriller, rather than a slasher flick.

Once everything falls into place, despite being tied up in an unnecessarily complex web of plot threads, I appreciated the innovative idea at the film's heart. Coupled with the sublime acting and unnerving atmosphere, this made Longlegs a decent, if flawed, horror movie. But, sadly, not the classic it could have been... and I was hoping for. 

The Tuesday Knights May Be On An Extended Hiatus, But The Gaming Wheels Are Still Turning

Today is the 17th anniversary of the first gathering of our gaming group, The Tuesday Knights.

However, we are currently on an extended hiatus - for various reasons we haven't gamed since May and now, of course, I'm rather entangled in a medical "mystery" as science tries to figure out why my legs aren't working properly!

I've thus pulled the plug on my supers' game, as Pete has stepped up with a new system he has invested in, to continue his long-running time travel/alternate reality campaign, which has so far bounced from GURPS Atomic Horror to Hollow Earth Expedition.

Next up will be Outgunned, which I'm very excited about as it's a game I was seriously considering picking up when it was launched through some crowdfunding programme or another. It's "cinematic action" vibe really appeals to me, so I'm looking forward to playing this.

I think we might still be playing in the same Indiana Jones-inspired inter-war setting in which our HEX game was set, presumably using the Outgunned Adventure supplement, although, to be honest, I wouldn't mind our characters sliding into contemporary bodies for a bit of John Wick/James Bond action.

In the meantime, I've superficially been kicking around some alternate systems for me to try out on the gang once I'm feeling better and Pete takes his next break from his long-running game (currently 32 sessions over 36 months).

Top contenders for further investigation on my behalf are:

GO FER YER GUN! But rather than a straight Western, I'd be looking to "Dark Tower it up" by easily blending some magic and monsters into the mix. This would be very easy to do with the simple d20 rules of Go Fer Yer Gun! 

ALIEN RPG (EVOLVED): I haven't read enough of the original edition to really get my head round the system, but there's a new edition out later this year (I didn't back the Kickstarter) and I really love the setting.

STAR TREK ADVENTURES (2nd Edition): I've never really grokked the 2d20 system that Modiphius uses to power most of its RPGs, but I know a lot of online buddies talk of playing in ongoing, long-running campaigns with this game. And who doesn't love Star Trek, right? I have the starter set for the new edition, just need to get round to reading the books.

PLANET OF THE APES: Another setting I adore. I can't help imagining the team as crashed astronauts on a post-apocalyptic Earth being pursued by trumpet-blowing gorillas.

The rules are variation on the old West End Games d6 system, which many, many people speak highly of although I've never played it. I didn't back the Planet of The Apes Kickstarter in the end, but the rule books are due out early next year.

BEYOND THE VEIL: While my previous possibilities are essentially variations on a theme, just with different settings, Beyond The Veil is nothing like any of those.

It's a roleplaying game about ghost-hunters in contemporary times. Not superheroes or trained astronauts, but members of the public - both believers and non-believers - brought together to scientifically investigate claims of the supernatural. It's The X-Files, Uncanny podcast and Stephen King horror, mingled with UFOs, cryptids and ghost stories, as read about through the pages of The Fortean Times.

Beyond The Veil is due to hit Kickstarter in a couple of months, but I already have the introductory Prologue booklet, which I'm halfway through reading.

Re-Opening The X-Files

Being rather immobile at present (having apparently slipped a disc, and am waiting for a treatment regime from my GP), I've been watching a lot of TV from a recumbent position, either in my lounger or in bed (I can't concentrate/focus enough to properly read, which means a growing backlog of novels and comics). 

As well as new (to me) shows, like Castle Rock, returning on-going favourites like Murdoch Mysteries, Dexter and Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, classics like the BBC's Paranormal series and, of course, Ancient Aliens, I've also dug deep (thanks to Prime Video) and started watching The X-Files from season one, episode one.

By "sheer coincidence", the Amazon delivery guy turned up a few days ago with the first volume of this gorgeous X-Files tome, a stunning, hardback, faux replica of the titular X-Files themselves.

I'm a massive fan of "in-universe" books such as this, but The X-Files: The Official Archives is quite possibly the best-looking one I've seen to date.

This official book collates information (files, evidence, photographs etc) on 50 of the show's "most memorable" investigations relating to "cryptids, biological anomalies, and parapsychic phenomena". 

And if that wasn't impressive enough on its own, in May next year volume two arrives, dealing with "extraterrestrial activity and The Syndicate".

These are not only amazing reference books, but invaluable research material for an idea that's been scritching away at my brain since my serious, leg-related issues began and I realised I was (currently) unable to fulfil my gamemastering obligations for The Tuesday Knights. 

Honestly, I'm not sure how long I'll be out of action and our superhero campaign had already lost momentum and was faltering (for various real world reasons).

Pete has kindly offered to step in, when I feel like getting back to the table, as he has "an idea", which is always an exciting prospect as we had great fun with his 1950s GURPS game that segued into 1930's Hollow Earth Expedition. 

Perhaps, our characters will be "sliding" into the Victorian steampunk game he mentioned some time ago?

Or maybe it's something else entirely...

Jason Goes to Hell - The Final Friday (1993)

Okay, time for some brief personal backstory: the only reason I started this Friday the 13th challenge was an incentive to get to Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday.

I wanted to watch them in order, to see if there was any foreshadowing for some of the moments I knew were coming in this entry in the franchise, even though it was one I definitely knew I'd never seen before.

Although it's not available via Sky Cinema or through streaming, Paul had bought me the DVD over a year ago - but I hadn't gotten around to watching it until now.

And, I have to say, I loved it. Primarily for the way it ties in not just to Nightmare On Elm Street (with Freddy's claw grabbing the mask right at the end), but also with the Evil Dead mythology.

I'd known about that link for ages (hence my keenness to see this chapter in Jason's story) but hadn't expected it to be so overt.

I thought it might be a shot of the Necronomicon (which also gives it some Lovecraft flavouring as well) in the background, or some such fleeting Easter Egg. but it's front and centre, when Steven Freeman (John D. LeMay) is exploring the Voorhees home and flicks through the ancient tome:

Completely ignoring Jason's fate at the end of Jason Takes Manhattan, Jason Goes To Hell opens with the FBI setting a trap for the supernatural serial killer in the woods near Crystal Lake, resulting in him being blown to kingdom come.

The pieces of Jason's body are taken to a morgue, where his still beating heart mesmerises the coroner (Deadwood's Richard Gant), sending him off on a murderous rampage.

Meanwhile, Crystal Lake is celebrating the lifting of its 20 year "death curse", with Joey B's Diner offering Jason-themed meals.

But tough guy bounty hunter Creighton Duke (The X-Files' Steven Williams) is having none of this, because he knows that Jason can only be finally killed by destroying his heart, and only someone of the Voorhees bloodline has the power to do that.

Jason's supernatural - Deadite - power is burning up his host body, so he needs to transfer the parasite within him to other bodies on his journey to find someone of his bloodline - not only are they the only ones that can kill him, they are also the only bodies that he is able to transform into his natural form (the zombie slasher we know and love from the later films in the franchise).

Hapless doof  Steven Freeman ends up getting framed for one of Jason's murders, but soon discovers - through a meeting with Duke - who Jason is really targeting and why.

He busts out of jail and sets off to track down the body-hopping killer.

On one hand, Jason Goes To Hell is quite unlike earlier entries in the Friday the 13th series, but it's a real hardcore '80s gonzo trio that extrapolates on the supernatural elements that were woven in Jason Lives and The New Blood, so we already know he's operating in a world where these things are possible.

Jason Goes To Hell is also full of definitive details about the franchise: such as the killer being born of Elias and Pamela Voorhees in 1946, he supposedly drowned when he was 11, he's responsible (prior to this movie) for 83 confirmed kills (and many more unconfirmed), the existence of the Voorhees home (which, surprisingly, we've never seen before) etc

So, as someone who sees movies like this through the eyes of a gamer and comic book reader, I'm totally grokking all these stats, and attempting to headcanon them into my own vision of Jason's mythology (which now embraces Freddy and Ash, of course!).