Thursday, February 26, 2026

In The Name of The King - The Last Mission (2014)


Dominic Purcell (from The Arrow'verse shows and Prison Break) is Hazen Kaine, a burned-out, no-nonsense American hitman working in Bulgaria. His "last" job - before retirement - is to kidnap the two daughters of the Bulgarian royal family, so his paymasters can demand an enormous ransom.

Although he's having doubts about his latest assignment, he hides the girls in the nominated shipping container anyway, then notices that one is wearing a pendant that matches the tattoo on his arm (which his late wife chose for him).

The girl tells Hazen the medallion, a family heirloom and talisman of protection against things he wouldn't understand, is magical. He takes it outside for a closer look... and causes a rift in time and space to materialise and drag him through.

Hazen finds himself in a mysterious land - which, he later learns is also called Bulgaria, but clearly is a fantastical, pseudo-Medieval version - and stumbles into a nearby village which is being attacked by a dragon!

He uses the last bullets in his gun to drive off the dragon, in the process befriending a pair of warrior princesses, Arabella (Ralitsa Paskaleva), and Emeline (Daria Simeonova).

They're living in this village because of Game of Thrones-style violent machinations which saw one of their uncles, Tervon (Marian Valev), usurp their father and steal his throne.

They are now part of a rebellion led by their other uncle, Tybalt (Nikolai Sotirov).

Eventually, Hazen comes to accept his position in this new world - his tattoo marks him out for a special destiny - and hatches a plan that will allow him to slay Tervon and steal the king's magical medallion, which will send Hazen back to our world.

During all this he develops a rather cute and chaste romantic relationship with Arabella; the hitman's flirting technique seems to be telling her about the horrific fiery death of his wife at the hands of other gangsters.

Hazen's big plan comes to nowt, as the rebels are ambushed in a forest by Tervon and his men.

However, the fight goes surprisingly well in favour of the rebels, even though Tervon has been controlling the dragon this whole time.

The evil king flees back his castle... followed by Hazen and Arabella.

The castle is remarkably easy to access and our heroes fight their way through Tervon's goons to confront the Big Bad on the roof of the castle, where Hazen dispatches him, causing the time rift to reopen.

This time, not only does Hazen travel back to our world, but also the dragon. Not entirely sure why Arabella didn't go with him.

Hazen then races to where the kidnapped girls have been hidden and fights the mobsters who have come to collect him... at which point you realise that the head gangster Ayavlo is also played by Marian Valev.

Does this mean that Hazen's whole isekai adventures in In The Name of The King - The Last Mission were a dream? Or a metaphor? He does kidnap two young princesses in our world and then become entangled with two princesses in the fantasy world. But then how do explain the dragon now loose in the skies over Sofia? 

There's a lot that's handwaved in Joel Ross's 85-minute script and under Uwe Boll's taut - let's get things done - direction. As an example, I particularly loved the blasé attitude of, I guess, the king of Bulgaria to having his daughters kidnapped and then returned by the same person. It rather implies that this happens all the time!

Honestly, for my money, too much time is spent in modern day Sofia and I'd have preferred Hazen to stay in mythical Bulgaria with his new love... but then that would have left the kids in the shipping container and at the mercy of the gangsters.

In D&D terms, I reckon it's a young black dragon (although it breathes fire)
For a decade-old, low budget , direct-to-video sword-and-sorcery flick, all the special effects, including those that bring the dragon to life, are pretty decent. Of course, the beast is obviously CGI, but I've seen far worse in this calibre of movie (yes, Asylum, I'm looking at you).

On the other hand, the fact that the rebellion relies on caves so much - despite having several villages to call their own - is a real throwback to '80s sword-and-sorcery films that also often operated on similar microbudgets and had to make do with what nature provided.

Director Uwe Boll certainly makes great use of the beautiful Bulgarian landscape and the film was largely filmed at Nu Boyana Film Studios where, co-incidentally, the new Red Sonja movie was shot as well as Jason Momoa's Conan The Barbarian and the excellent last Hellboy movie, The Crooked Man, and many other great films.

Dominic Purcell and pretty much the entire Bulgarian cast of In The Name of The King 3 are all great and clearly invested in their roles, but they're not always best served by a script which barrels along at such speed that a lot of plot threads are just left dangling.

It's also a shame that In The Name of The King - The Last Mission appears to be totally disconnected from either the first or second films in the franchise.

I'd rather hoped that Hazen was actually in the Kingdom of Ehb (where the previous films took place) and that Arabella and Emeline were the daughters of Dolph Lundgren's Granger, to continue the generational narrative of the two earlier movies.

I guess there's always headcanon. 

FINISH HIM!!!

This time, the fan favourite champions - now joined by Johnny Cage (Karl Urban) himself - are pitted against one another in the ultimate, no-holds barred, gory battle to defeat the dark rule of Shao Kahn that threatens the very existence of the Earthrealm and its defenders.
Mortal Kombat II will be in cinemas and IMAX internationally beginning 6 May and then across North America from May 8.

Wednesday, February 25, 2026

The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)


Albert Pyun's 1982 The Sword And The Sorcerer is B-movie gem that doesn't need a review.

If your gaming is fuelled by a love of these great, pulpy epics from the '80s then you will have seen this countless times and realised that - as much as anything - it's a Dungeons & Dragons adventure turned into a movie.

From the pithy one-liners and dark humour to the casual nudity (primarily restricted to the one scene where our roguish hero escapes through the bad king's harem), this is a love letter to Conan The Barbarian and Leiber's Lankhmar.

The protagonist, swashbuckling Talon (Lee Horsley) - seadog, adventurer, mercenary general - is a great role-model for player characters, cut from the same loin cloth as Howard's Cimmerian warrior.

And you have to appreciate the fact that, although the rightful heir to the kingdom being fought over, Talon has no interest in the throne, or marrying the princess he rescues. This is just one adventure for him, out of a string of many.

While full of memorable moments, as all this era of swords and sorcery cinematic shenanigans were, the most memorable aspect of The Sword And The Sorcerer is the titular 'sword'.

And I'm pretty sure it's not even magical!

The wholly impractical sword had three blades, with the added bonus that the exterior two could be fired off like high velocity, short-range missiles.

Of course they didn't have an automatic return mechanism, so it was pretty much a one-shot effect for each combat... and if, for some reason, you were unable to reclaim the shot blade you'd need to find a swordsmith willing to make you a replacement.

But such logistics are irrelevant in this old school genre of movie.

Reaching A Turning Point In My Life As An RPG Collector


The arrival this week of the The Planet of The Apes Roleplaying Game Core Rulebook and the supplementary ANSA Files marks a major turning point in my lifelong habit of buying gaming books.

If I can stick to my goals, this pair of gorgeous hardback books will be the last I buy that are not directly connected to a game I'm running or seriously planning to.

As beautifully designed and illustrated as these two meaty tomes are, I have no expectations of ever actually running the system (it uses West End Games' old d6 dice pool mechanics, which were never my cup of tea as a potential gamemaster).

I've purchased these purely as a completionist, as someone who has loved - and been mildly obsessed by - the original, classic Planet of The Apes movies since he was a little kid.

Sure, it wouldn't surprise me when I get round to reading them more thoroughly if I don't find ideas, maybe even rules, that I can lift for a future game unconnected with this simian franchise.

But, ultimately, these are resource books and artefacts, not rule books I can ever see myself busting out for the Tuesday Knights.

And - as I said a moment ago, if I can stick to my guns - these will be the last I purchase in this manner, the last I get to just "look at" rather than actually use as The Lawgiver intended.

I know it's a pretty standard aspect of the roleplaying hobby, but it's one I can no longer justify personally either for financial or space reasons (as both are becoming increasingly tight).

Going forward, I intend to keep a narrow focus on Twilight Sword as the game I intend to run next for the Tuesday Knights (although I have a back-up system if Twilight Sword, for some reason, doesn't live up to my expectations. It's a system I already own and have run once for the group, and they really enjoyed it).

Sample page from the Core Rulebook
Sample page from The ANSA (American National Space Administration) Files

You're Not Supposed To Be Here

A strange doorway appears in the basement of a furniture showroom.
As a long-time fan of the liminal horror of the Backrooms creepypasta, I'm delighted to see it transition into the cinematic medium... I'm also fascinated to see how it'll work.
From writer/director Kane Parsons and starring Chiwetel Ejiofor, Renate Reinsve, Mark Duplass, Finn Bennett, and Lukita Maxwell. Backrooms – in Theaters May 29.

Tuesday, February 24, 2026

The Sword of Xanten (2004)


Part Dungeons and Dragons romp, part Xena: Warrior Princess and a smidge of Lord of The Rings, Sword of Xanten is based on the Germanic myth Das Nibelungenlied and the Nordic Volsunga Saga, which also inspired the four-opera cycle by Richard Wagner and Tolkien's world famous ring-centric work.

The film is a loose retelling of the legend of Siegfried and Brunhild as swords-and-sorcery viewed through a soap lens.

Weaving a complicated plot, with inevitable unhappy ending, it's easy to see why Wagner would want to adapt this story.

The acting is fine for what it is and you can't help but be distracted by the gorgeous Kristanna Loken (T-X from Terminator 3: Rise of The Machines), perfectly cast as Icelandic warrior-queen Brunhild and the lovely Alica Witt as naïve Kriemhild.

Great scenery, slow-motion bundles (it's a bit of an exaggeration to call most of them 'fights'), arch acting and above-average CGI make for a great little pot boiler.

It's quite long (around three hours) but The Sword of Xanten (aka Ring of the Nibelungs) is non-stop fun and frolics all the way - with a bit of sauciness and a bit of blood - that can hold the attention of a willing viewer.

And So We Bid Farewell to Dunk & Egg... For A Short While

It's All Connected: Now you know!
The first season of the wonderful A Knight of The Seven Kingdoms has come to an end, but we only have to wait a year for the next one (which, I believe, is being shot as we speak).

This is, obviously, a very good thing because I loved the show's freshman year and can't wait for more, but also - and this is key - if the gaps between seasons get dragged out then I worry that the amazing Dexter Sol Ansell will age out of the role of Egg. 

Below are a final couple of 'making of' features for this season, the first is specifically related to this week's finale, while the second is an overview of the latter half of the season. 

"Suppose we can go anywhere in the Seven Kingdoms”

He-Man's Cinematic Adventures To Continue In New Comics


Tying in to the film I'm most interested in seeing at the cinema this summer, Masters of The Universe, Dark Horse Comics is launching a four-issue miniseries, The Wings of Fate, that is scheduled to drop in the week following the movie's debut.

Masters of The Universe is currently scheduled to open in the States on June 5 with the first issue of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe: The Wings of Fate coming on June 10.
In the aftermath of Skeletor’s siege on Eternos, a down-and-out refugee gives sanctuary to a mysterious, injured falcon. Now, to save her life, he must embark upon a perilous journey through the Mystic Mountains and seek aid from the storied inhabitants of the realm of Avion.
The Wings of Fate, which is set in the movie universe, is written by Tim Sheridan (Masters of the Universe: Revolution), illustrated by Will Sliney (Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren), coloured by Israel Silva, and lettered by AndWorld Design.

"Diane, 11:30a.m., February 24th."

My pop culture Odyssey: a slice of super-powered geek life with heavy emphasis on pulp adventure, horror, comic books, westerns, superheroes, sci-fi, giant monsters, zombies etc