To quote the late, great Edward Woodward from the original Wicker Man:
What have I just watched?
I'm not sure what made Neil LaBute think he could - and should - remake The Wicker Man, one of the finest rural horror movies ever captured on film, or why he thought Nic Cage would make the perfect stand in for Edward Woodward.
Now, I'm a big fan of Cage, particularly when he's allowed to go completely off the hook (cf. Mandy), but in this unnecessary reboot he's kept too restrained and uptight, almost constipated, as the bee-allergic Edward Malus.
A former motorcycle cop, coping with PTSD after he failed to save a young woman and her daughter from a car fire, Edward receives a mysterious letter (hand written with a wax seal and no stamp - so, not strange at all in this day and age) from his ex-fiancée, Willow Woodward (Kate Beahan), telling him that her daughter has gone missing.
Willow's back living on the secluded, private island where she was raised, which, when he gets there, Edward discovers is a farming commune, a matriarchal cult led by the enigmatic Sister SummersIsle (Ellen Burstyn).
Except for Willow, the islanders aren't pleased to see Edward or help him in his investigations, claiming either that Willow's daughter, Rowan (Erika-Shaye Gair), never existed or died in a tragic accident.
Learning that the island is also home to many, many bee hives, Edward gets the general runaround, being led a merry - and totally random - dance by the natives, until the inevitable Wicker Man climax of the piece.
This will come as absolutely no surprise to anyone with even a passing acquaintance with the original (which, like the chestburster in Alien, has become a pop culture meme that reaches way beyond geeks and horror movie buffs).
The use of papyrus font in the opening credits didn't bode well, but I was determined to grin and bear it, to see if this version of The Wicker Man was truly as awful as everyone said.
Honestly, there could have been a half-decent horror film in the bones of LaBute's Wicker Man, if he had had the courage to make it its own thing and shed the allusions to the peerless original.
As it stands, it brings nothing new to the party and elements like the "Easter Egg" of Edward's first name and Willow's surname just come across as a bit crass and heavy-handed (like a big sign saying "oooh, aren't we clever?").
The weirdness of the islanders is so arch and on-the-nose that it's as if Edward has landed somewhere between The League Of Gentlemen's Royston Vasey and Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, an over-the-top parody rather than a serious attempt to replicate the unnerving and atmospheric horror of the original Summerisle.
The pacing is plodding and pedestrian to begin with, interlaced with some hilariously awful dialogue, as evidenced in the truly bizarre "oh god, not the bees" scene.
And the fact that the film requires an epic infodump in the final sequence to explain to Edward what's happening was the icing on a particularly drab cake.
No comments:
Post a Comment